The Death of My Misery Is Coming

this is the overhead interior fluorescent lighting
[zero natural light]
of the elevator bank area of our condo
&i thought i'd see how the lighting looked
&yea
not bad, eh?
unedited
no filter
raw image
no makeup
(i literally don't even have any)
no "work" done
overhead
indoor
fluorescent lighting lit
front-facing phone camera selfie
lol

Monday Mood | Book One Eve

i can poach eggs like a mothafucker

so last thanksgiving i made some deviled eggs

&my hard-boiled eggs did not turn out well

cause i hadn't made any at sea level

since we moved here

&my altitude timing

absolutely did not work here

so i've been relearning how to boil an egg

*eyeroll*

&according to Martha

eggs are not to be boiled

as in the water ought not be boiling

just boiling hot

but not bubbling

lest the eggs get that dark rim around the yolk

&she uses this drop the eggs in the pot of water

&remove the pot from heat technique

&i've had to practice

&i finally got it figured out about two rounds of eggs ago

&so

now that i've nailed it twice

this third time is picture time!

[the whites are brown, cause it's 장조림]

when the petals started to turn
i wasn't sure how they'd turn out
but now i'm quite pleased
w/this toasted marshmallow sorta look
so ima flip them tomorrow
&hang them to dry
*yippie*

i hate running

but i looove gold

library run

literally

&then the kitten gotta good sniff of some new smells

&big dino is getting its first lesson

i hope i don't start menstruating while i'm out!

cause im not gonna pre-pad myself

not today.

i also haven't washed my face yet

&i went on a run

&now i'm heading out again

.i..

ugh
we left the house
too many times today
cause more than once
is too many times
but when you need champagne to celebrate the ten-year of your first book
you go out again
&if you're judging my book by its cover
you're exactly who i'm weeding out
lol

선의  수제비

[100% homemade, bone broth and dough]

orange is not delicious
&there are only three color/flavors
*frown*

Tiffany's Tremendous Day Transforms

[let's go backwards for this one *weeeee*]

we don't usually do cake for tiffany day
but he really wanted to bake a cake
so he whipped up one of my favorites
carrot cake
my old birthday cake flavor
cause he misses baking it
lol

the kitten is discovering his obsession with us

^..^

his&hers

&i read the saddest fucking text slide on socials
earlier this year
about how most men receive flowers for the first time
at their funeral
&so
i've been making a more-concerted effort to give the bodybuddy/lifemate flowers
from time to time
&even tho i've never been one to even care or want them myself
i'm starting to understand the point of flowers
in general
&id been dying for these roses ever since they hit the shelves at Foodland
maybe early summer?
&this is how i arranged them
&im nota florist
but i do know that some flowers ought not be "vased together"
but i dunno what any of those combinations are
so
*fingerscrossed*

spiffied up these jars

cause i keep every food jar that's even remotely cute

lol

for the flowers i bought for myself

&these champagne glasses were $2 each at walmart

&they're glass!

&we'll use them again right away on the twentieth!

*blech*

made myself my favorite eggs

the kitten suffered a little allergen in the eye for about three days

he woke up one morning with a very watery eye

&we could see his little inside flap all swollen

but his attitude never diminished

&he remained a good eater

so we bought some sterile saline &douched his eye on the first day

&over the course of the next few days

his eye never looked worse

just kept on watering

clear goop

nothing yellow or discolored at all

so we just watched it

&the bodybuddy/lifemate gently dab/washed his face of some crusty goobs on the second day

&by the fourth day the kitten was washing his own face real good

&this pic was him on pretty much the last day the eye was still a bit swollen

&he's looked 100% ever since

&yea

we freaked the fuck out

&i was a mess

but since his attitude and appetite never left

i stayed really positive

knowing that little things can fall into his eye and bother him

no different than us

&the fact that it was watering and watering made me feel good

like the eye was working hard to flush his eye

&he's a good drinker of water

too

so i feel lucky that it turned into nothing more

*sigh*

&yes

those are my mannequin legs

&he loves the little crotches that the legs create for him to lay in/on

*!luckyme!*

[above]

the color/print combi for the bb/lm's "[head]poney pouch ii" v3

[below]

my color/print combi v2

working hard

(or hardly workin' lol)

on the Sun-Dried Fungi project for ephwhyell | The Ember

i accidentally created "[head]poney pouch ii" for the September Ember

but soon realized that i had stumbled upon something

&so

i'm developing a whole range of bags

inspired by the September "[Head]Poney Pouch II"

i completed two more versions, three in total of "[head]poney pouch ii"

so i think i've got the design nearly hammered down for the most-optimal version

i still need to design and then actually create the "set"

(they've been sketched)

which is planned to include three different shapes

(none of which will be the "[head]poney pouch ii" shape)

and sold as a set of three

in december

ladybug fucking willing!

on findyummylove

[&it seems like people are confused by my site

mistaking my orrery simulation for the site itself

lol

when really

the system simulation is simply the site's navigation page

lol

so click around

like duh]

which is why no pictures are being uploaded

cause my goal is to sell the design to someone who wants to manufacture and sell them

and then i can hopefully see my bags being worn/used by the every person!

anyone will be able to buy the set

but there will only be one set (three bags all together) for sale

and the price will be a little bit ridiculous if you're just a person who wants them

but the price will be just right

if you're a business looking for designs to manufacture

for sale

etc.

&this is only the plan

cause the plan will change however much it needs to to accomplish the vision

&or it will be scraped altogether

but the "glass is half full" these days

&of course

you or someone else could just be a complete fucking cunt and steal the design

&manufacture it yourselves

&that's fine

too

cause as i've mentioned before

it's like breathing for me

to do this

&then

once the "set of three"

[the set has a name, but i am not going to reveal it at this time]

is sold

[if all goes to plan]

 i plan to "drop"

a limited number

[prolly ten]

of the "[head]poney pouch ii"

hopefully by mid-late january 2027

each one will be the same pattern

but in different fabric combinations

&i will prolly make about ten

&then i'll prolly never make them ever again

cause once you see it

you'll see it's so simple

it'd be stupid to buy it from me

cause it'd be so easy to make

yourself

lol

Perfect Kitty, Smokey Gray

in der Nacht sind alle Katzen grau
[title first used here, cause that's when i learned this most-favorite phrase]

[above this pic]
left :: we knew that there would be a price to pay
because he is simply too perfect
&unfortunately, my favorite plant
(that has actually died &resurrected itself once already)
paid the first price
*weeps*
we do not know what happened
cause i woke up to it
(she sits right next to me)
but later that day he put his little paws up on the edge of the planter
&he was sniffing the dirt real hard
&started to tap a paw around in it
(so we have some guesses, lol)
&i snapped my fingers
with a forceful "No"
(the second no he's heard,
the first was when i showed him the fridge,
and as he was basking in the cold blast,
he started to climb into the fridge, and that's a no-no)
&he scurried away to his lair under the couch
(it's all done up with cushions and such)
when he came back out a few minutes later
he looked very guilty
so i explained to him that she's alive
too
&that she was here before him
so he really needs to respect her space
*sighs*
she's healing, tho
so, i think we'll be alright

right :: he's becoming more and more playful with each passing day
&on the lamp's day
the bodybuddy/lifemate was playing with him real hard
&he ran to the a/c unit
jumped on it
&then jumped onto the lamp in a wall-jump sorta way
&of course
his kitty claws tore right through it as he clung on for dear life
&of course
it freaked him the fuck out
&so of course
when he inevitably tipped the lamp over
the lamp took out the elephant tapestry that was hanging from the corner
covering the ugly black-out situation we had over this window
(we used to job overnight)
&i even knew that i want/needed to update that window
(most windows here are just slats of glass that do not seal and close together)
cause i want to keep it covered
cause dust
cause i suffer a bit from the vog
(not complaining)
&we knew that a kitten would painstakingly reveal all of our weaknesses
&he has
luckily for us
^..^

[below]
also had to rearrange my work-shelf
to accommodate/repulse a more-curious creature roaming about

Sun's Silly Psychic Set or Tiffany's Tabletop Tarot Tapestry or A Methodological Map of Magical Mystery | An Infinite Jest

yes, i have a methodology
&yes
this is the very first card i pulled for myself for my very first reading of myself
wherein i instantiated the parameters to reveal exactly ONE CARD
*thefuck*

&no
my very first reading was not a reading of myself
*eyeroll*

&no
this is obviously nota-picture from the reading
*double-eyeroll*

for my second reading of myself (a full six-card reading, days later, &i will not map out my methodology for this reading):
The Star
my obstacle:
The Queen of Cups

i wish i were making this shit up, ya'll
but i am not.
*weeps*
[&again, the photos of my readings are never going to be from the day i read them]

there are as many ways to interpret all of these things
as there are human individuals
what i do know
for a fact
is this is women's work
it always has been
&as a former student of art history
you better fucking believe how fucking fucking fucking fucking pissed i was
when i realized
that not a single fucking fucking fucking lick of this type of art/imagery
was ever presented to us
as students
&if it was somehow mentioned in some curriculum
or blown past in a general historical study
&i missed it
this was by design
if you understand what all of this even is
or means

[the thread is looking a little blue,
but it is not,
i drew blue chalk lines, so it might be a minute 'til it wears off]

Sun's Silly Psychic Set

&yes
i will happily make a sort of "map" for fellow practitioners
but it will not be a tapestry
it will simply be a sort of BASIC MAP
constructed merely of zodiac-printed fabric
&backed/trimmed in purple
you will essentially receive the middle piece of this tapestry
square
purple around all four edges
an X through the middle stitched in white
&a golden square within

*drool*

i have created this tapestry for myself
for my own use
because every seer ought to do the same
for themselves
imho
perhaps it's not necessary to make the thing with your own hands
but maybe it is
again
my methodology is my own
&i have my own philosophical word-work on Time
&traveling through it
lol
[read site description]

&no
i will not be sharing my mapping methodology
but this tapestry is seeped in my methodology:
the colors
the pattern
the stitching
&the thread color itself
have all been considered
&so
if you are a seer yourself
you will probably be able to intuit my interpretation
on a general level
if not specifically
lol

&yes
that is the buddha bucket bag
&no
i had absolutely zero conception of using this bag in this way

^..^

i'm flying by the seat of my cups
like i always have
lol

when i finished my green goddess skirt on monday
i immediately needed jade
*weeps*
i've been needing to replace my jade cuff
from a million years ago
cause it broke
but i do not force the issue
but then on monday
while gliding around in the skirt
like a Queen
i needed my new jade
bad
so we went to where we go to obtain these sorts of things
&lo and behold
my jade finally found me
*weeps*
not only that
the lady at the shop
asked me if i wanted to size it down
cause "it looks big"
&i was thrilled
so i asked if i could keep the bead she removes
&she smiled and laughed, "of course"
&then she asked if there was a bead i had been eyeing to remove
&i told her, "i'll take it how it comes"
&when i got home
i was hemming and hawing about what to do with the "extra" bead
&when i was spooling a bobbin with the gold thread
that i top-stitched into my map
i knew exactly what to do with that bead of abundance
&you wanna hear the craziest thing?
before the jade i took home found me
i had found this other jade
&it was essentially one single bead
tiny
something to affix or adorn to something else
&i wanted it bad
&i thought i needed it
&i did
but then the jade i took home
found me
&so
not only did i get the one single bead i had initially needed so bad
i also got a whole bracelet of them
&now
my mannequin feels like an extension of me

i wore pearls from head to toe
with my prom dress.
all i wanted for my twenty-first birthday
was this string of pearls.
i couldn't settle on which stone to have as my wedding ring
so i'd been wearing a black-spinel band
for a little over a decade
until the day we realized
in late 2024
that one of the bodybuddy/lifemate's main birthstones
is pearl
&he surprised me with the ring
that i currently wear as my wedding ring
at the beginning of 2025
the year i'd turn forty
&everything
jewelry-wise
started to fall into place
^..^

does that green look familiar?
i did not have to buy one single thing to complete this set

KNOW THY SELF

As The [Jade {or King in certain languages}] Queen of Cups
I am The Star

[end note]

re: the deck

i would consider this the "generic" deck of Tarot

the owners of this particular deck's trademark &copyright

have every ramification of the names of the deck's creators/publisher on lock, ya'll

so, i call it the Pamela Colman Smith Deck

but i would have to "officially" call it the Smith-Waite Deck if i were to publish this as text that must be referenced, etc.

i have

obviously

decided to create my own deck

&this will hopefully be accomplished

before i die

lol

dear non-millennials:

if you want us to stop using "lol" at the end of our sentences

it is imperative that you know what "lol" even means

if your goal is to convince us to stop using it, lol.

i keep seeing things like, "alternatives for 'lol'"

&"convincing millennials that there are more emotions than 'lol' to evoke,"

etc.,

etc.,

&c.

here's the fundamental flaw with these types:

you are interpreting "lol" to literally mean "laugh out loud"

&this is why none of us, millennials, listen to you, non-millennials,

about anything.