Mediocre Money-Minds &As A Consumer

*sits down at laptop*

"Okay, deep breath. Wait, one sec. I think I need one, more, bowl."

*scrape scrape scrape*

*crinkle crinkle crinkle*

*flick*

*puff puff puff*

*bubbs bubbs bubbs*

*while holding a deep pull in my lungs*

"Okay, so there's like a ton of shit I want/need to talk/write about, cause I just watched an amazing movie, been watching an amazing tv show, and like, americans are so fucking un-american sometimes."

*eyeroll as I exhale*

*sighs*

"Where the fuck to begin."

*hangs head*

On McDonald's (MCD)

The people who have mediocre money-minds think of McDonald's and think of their shitty food. People with greedy money-minds think of McDonald's as the greatest bastion to american capitalism to have ever existed, not only that, but also, McDonald's represents capitalism, a sort of ... metaphor or ... cautionary tale. People with better money-minds can see all of the sides of McDonald's. Of course, McDonald's is not the "best" food, but it is food, and it feeds a lot of people trapped within systemic poverty. Of course, McDonald's is a corporation, but it is also a charity (yes, charities suck, but they are all we have, at the moment, etc.), and that charity does good within communities trapped within systemic poverty. Of course, McDonald's "exploits" its workers, but they are also sometimes the only employer in places trapped within system poverty. 

There are some people who view McDonald's as a drag on our "perfect" american society.

&There are some people who view McDonald's as the provider of basic civil services, in a country that has supported the privatization of basic civil services. If the government will not provide basic civil services, this does not mean that some corporation needs to step in and do so. &Just because a corporation ends up being the provider of basic civil services does not mean that that corporation is the reason why government-funded basic civil services do not exist in these places where McDonald's serves as the provider of basic civil services.

On Walmart (WMT)

The people who have mediocre money-minds read headlines about how Walmart exploits all of its jobbers, because they pay minimum wage and minimum wage is exploitation low, and they believe that Walmart is a "bad" corporation. These sorts of people do not shop at Walmart, because if they did, they would notice that every Walmart entrance is lined with the elderly. Elderly people who are living off social security, and who are healthy enough to have a job, have the opportunity to make a little extra cash at Walmart. Yes, the pay is low, because why would any corporation pay anything at all for people to simply greet you into their store? Oh, I know, luxury shops, that's about it. So, Walmart has created a position of the lowest wage for seniors and elderly people to cushion their social security. 

Everyone bitches that Walmart doesn't pay enough, in general, and, generally speaking, no wage-labor-based corporation pays their jobbers equitably, that's facts, but Walmart is and has been making changes for a long time. They are trying to shift their focus to have a slightly greater interest in its job-force. The reality, however, is that the overall economic powers-that-be have been lying to us all for a long time. Walmart is not a place to go looking for a high-paying job. It just isn't. It never has been, and it really shouldn't ever be. Stocking shelves is not difficult. There should be a pay ceiling that should incrementally rise with inflation, but nobody should be looking at these types of jobs to "get rich." And there simply will never be enough "high-paying" jobs for the masses. Like, duh. 

Nevertheless, the discrepancy in pay between the suits and the polos ought not be so large. Like, duh. 

And finally, everyone bitches that the minimum wage is so low, but why are corporations solely responsible for our financial well-being? Nobody's bitching too loudly that we're not supported more fully as humans by our own government. In fact, there's a significant population who stands vehemently against any government-supported anything. Like, you a moron?

You loathe these All-American brands and resent what they represent,

yet you tout Shein and Temu?

How un-american of you.

On Agatha 

Actually, this post is about, oh my god, this is exactly why I love her, I can't even think of her name, right now, she's so low-key famous, like a serious jobbing actress; it's so fucking beautiful to know that there's a woman out there who just has the job of acting. Ugh. I love it.

AGH! KATHRYN HAHN!

I just absolutely love that she's "just" been acting as her job! She's one of those exponential growth curves. And the one role I associate with her the most is as Jennifer Barkley. Oh my god. I love that character, and it's, obviously, because of Hahn. She's dynamite. She's a power-hungry, child-free woman. My role model. She's so boldly power-hungry AND so boldly child-free. What more could a woman like me ask for as far as representation is concerned? Nothing. I am in want for nothing more. Kathryn Hahn solidified herself in my mind as the One who represents the woman I aspire to be...that Bad Bitch who does not give a fuck. *swoon*

And now, she's fucking Agatha Harkness (do not read this as my knowing anything about the character of Agatha Harkness; i am not that kind of geek, gross; i am that horrible-type whose entire comics-knowledge is whatever Marvel is feeding the masses, and thereby, me, and there's no need to educate me, cause i just don't care like that; i am the worst, i know).

She's one Baaaad Witch. Ugh. I can't stop swwwwooooning. Again, she's representing all of my best qualities. I feel so fulfilled. And she better not be some sorta redemption character who learns some sort of moral lesson at the end of this and becomes "better." Ugh. Goddammit. Now I've ruined it for myself. *sigh*

Well, we're still early into this thing, so, like all things, the Time Tide knows best.

On The Substance (co-produced, written&directed by Coralie Fargeat)

This will be its own post, soonish [05OCT24], but I thought that I'd jot down some "First Feelings," etc. 

My initial reaction, at the end, was that I do not appreciate the grotesque. I find it to be lazy, trite, and frankly, gross. Then I went to sleep. Then I woke up thinking about the Movie, because I had a revelation about myself. This is the thing about which I will write in a post dedicated entirely to the Movie. 

And then the bodybuddy/lifemate&i had a long chat about the Movie. 

And then we had a hypothetical chat about the Movie. 

And then I realized that I want/need to write an entire post about the Movie, 

which means that The Substance is a really, really good movie. 

'Aloha Friday'

today, earlier, while walking home from the job

Lanai Lattes [last friday + today, tuesday] a What-Jaye-Wants, Jaye-Gets Edition

there are very few people
on this planet
who could request a specific photo of me
&get it
apparently
a person named Jaye
is one of these people
&now
i know this about Jaye
[this pic is from friday]

We are everything. We are everywhere. We are Free.

There are lots of different types of Koreans, like there are many different types of white people and black people and any type of people that "migrates." Migration is why humans populate the entirety of Planet Earth that is habitable. 

&So, I'm having a hard time these days with the whole idea of ethnicity, race, nationality, etc. 

I mean, we're all of the Human Race.

Yes, we are obviously all born somewhere, and that place has a name, and you are a people of that place.

&Yes, obviously, we all look a little different on the outside, because we are all evolved from ancestors who evolved to survive wherever they were in the world.

This is all very simple, intellectually, &yet, so many people (not just the whites) are so ignorant when it comes to having a global perspective on global platforms, like, say, social media. 

Thus, I've come to this very seemingly-racist place where I'm going to describe/outline the three types of Koreans with which I have had very little interaction. I basically know nothing about the other two-types of Koreans, in the title [i changed the title, but the original title was something like, "Korea-Koreans, Korean-Americans (as opposed to Korean-Europeans, cause i know none) &Korean-Adoptees (from the perspective of a Korean-Adoptee w/a bit 'o Korean-American since i was adopted to these united states, as opposed to europe, etc.)], for reasons that I will outline, below, obviously.

All of this is self-observed conjecture. 

I've told some stories, already, about my experiences living in Korea as a Korean-Adoptee life-mated to the bodybuddy/lifemate who is not-Korean, but this is not that, either. This is something mean. This is the heavily-biased type of writing that people who are ignorant peddle.

After a week that ended in the strangest, yet most-typical way ever, I am in. a. mood. Just skip this post if you're sensitive. Report me if you must; I'm not sure to whom you would report me, and I'd love the traffic on socials, if you totally hate it, etc. Also, it's my adopted father's birthday soon, but we are not on speaking terms. Not only that, but my adoption day is on the horizon, so yea, there's a lot on my mind with regards to my Korean-ness.

My recommendation ::

I'm Mutable FIRE. Treat accordingly, or don't. You were warned, though.

Hmmm...where to begin...

Alright, I took a little break, cause I was getting a bit worked up, and I'm hungry, a bit drunchie, and so, I whipped up some 된장찌개, and if I posted a pic of it, Korea-Koreans would ridicule me for whatever I did "wrong" and call me fat. Korean-Americans would side eye me and judge me on my lack of makeup or something; they don't really interact with me, historically speaking, except that one boyfriend I had in college, so I'm not really gonna write much about them, cause if I'm being real honest, I only really "know of them" through K-Beauty videos, lol. And Korean-Adoptees wouldn't know what I'm talking about, lol, jk, this is a joke.

While living in Seoul, while temp-teaching at an english academy, the Korea-Korean teachers whisper-ridiculed and mocked a fellow Korea-Korean Teacher's 떡볶이, cause she added hot dogs to it.

One time, when I was living in Seoul [Aug 2013-Aug 2018], I had this acquaintance from the english academy at which I temp-taught (for month-long summer/winter intensives) and substitute-taught (covering vacations, etc.), and we were friendly. She was also married to a non-Korean man, so we recognized that in each other, and we attempted a few couple's hang outs, but sometimes the speed/pace of life doesn't match up well enough to make things work smoothly enough to make it worth it, etc. If I ever see her again in person, I'd have no other option than to call her a friend. Anyway, one day she came up to me because she wanted to specifically talk to me to get a sense of how to deal with a problem between her and her husband, and since I am also married to a non-Korean, she thought I could help, give her some insight into her problem, and perhaps, help her see things from her non-Korean husband's point of view, etc. 

"If I go to my Korean friends, they will all tell me to divorce him," she explained to me when I asked why she wanted my input, so specifically. 

In a Korean classroom full of Korea-Korean students learning english, a Korea-Korean student looks horrifically confused at her english teacher when the teacher explains that the term "goody-goody" in a western context is "bad," socially. The Korean-American feels the pressure of their asianness and either embraces or rebels against the stereotypes. The Korean-Adoptee looks confused when some white person asks them what type of asian they are, "Am I asian?" they ask. 

If you've ever taught english at an english academy in Seoul, then you should know that it's a tough job, emotionally. By first grade, you can already see it all over the faces of the kids who know that they are already a disappointment. By First Grade, they have already been labeled and sorted. It's devastating to behold in real time. By high school, the top performers are Untouchable, the bottom performers The Untouchables.

Korean-Americans seem bothered by the stereotype that "asians are smart," etc.

My Korean-Adopted older brother and I were, exceptional. I know this now. I didn't know it then. We fit our racially-stereotypical mold. In essence, we got lucky, socially. We didn't have whatever would be considered the "usual" experience. He graduated at the literal top of his class. I graduated very near the top (but my ass-backward little rural town didn't utilize a weighted GPA, so it becomes difficult to compare one B+ in required spanish to the straight A's i earned through off-campus classes, etc.; yea, i'm bitter, duh. who wouldn't be?) 

What I also didn't know was that people assumed that we were intelligent because we were asian, and I obviously didn't know how that affected other asians who were less willing to obey. Yes, I chalk up my "success" as my willingness to obey. I'm nothing special. Some personalities desire to please others more than others. I, obviously, fell into the camp of, "This is what I'm being told to do. So I'm doing it." And then I hit puberty, obviously, lol, jk, then I went to college, and the overt racism I experienced there I couldn't even pinpoint as racism. I was so sheltered that I didn't even know that I was being treated the way I was being treated because of my race. It hit me like a quarter-life crisis at the tender age of twenty. Understanding what hit me wouldn't come for another decade.

Some Korea-Koreans go out of their way to make sure that other Korea-Koreans feel like outcasts. What hope is there for the rest of us? Korean-Americans complain that they have "nowhere," cause they're not "american-enough" to be american and they're not "korean-enough" to be Korean. SHUT THE FUCK UP. You have your home; the Korean home you grew up in with your Korean family. Go fuck yourself, little bickering whiners. Korean-Adoptees do not complain so much that they have no home, because they know it, deep down inside; there's no need to bicker, because the Truth is true. Rejected in Korea by Korea-Koreans themselves, cause, obviously, it shouldn't be assumed that we speak Korean if we were shipped off to some other white country, like, you a moron? Rejected in these united states for, well, obviously, america grapples with some seriously racist shit, well, no, no, they don't, they sweep it under the rug until it becomes such a problem that they cannot hide so, they address it by saying it's not happening, etc.   

Korea-Koreans are nearly extinct. Older Korean-Americans are some serious BAMFs. Younger Korean-Americans are wimpy. Korean-Adoptees are underestimated. 

Literally. Korea-Koreans aren't going to make it to the future. Korean-Americans are part of the whole "Stop Asian Hate" whosawhatsits. "Stop Asian Hate" really? In a whiny little bitch voice, "Stop it, guys! Stop it. Stop Asian Hate. Like, stop it! Knock it off." BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You don't understand white people, facts. Korean-Adoptees are popping up outta nowhere. Keep it up, Bitches. You are the definition of special. There are literally, a countable number of us. We are part of an exclusive club that nobody else could ever hope to be part of. Welcome. Enjoy. Take whatever the fuck you want from this life! Give nothing in return, unless you want to. Walk this Earth as if you're literally part of an exclusive group of people that can literally be counted, documented, proven. I know it goes against every part of your being, the being that you're convinced is "just an orphan." Knock it off! Realize your Truth, The Truth. Your existence is exclusive. 

I used to be burdened by this idea that I owed the world something, that like, because I was an orphan who was given a second chance, who won a sort of lottery, that it was somehow my duty to repay the world or the people responsible for my "luck." 

After living in Seoul for five years, the bodybuddy/lifemate and I decided to leave, cause like, the fellow english teachers who were moving there were just gross; we were adults, so like, no, we don't want to go watch you drown your sorrows and problems in soju. During the last few months, we did the things we thought we'd miss the most, and we really tried to soak up the things we loved about Seoul/Korea, etc. During this time I setup a meeting with my birth mother through my adoption agency, Eastern Social Welfare Society, to see her one time before I left the country. I already felt bad, because we had lived there for so long by then, and I hadn't reached out until now, and I was leaving. I almost felt guilty. 

The day arrived, and unless you've experienced this particular experience yourself, there's little to no need for me to outline the emotional toll this sort of experience takes on a person for many days leading up to the event and many days after, so I will not expose this sort of experience to you strangers.

She gave me a really beautiful necklace, and if the bodybuddy/lifemate hadn't already given me the necklace for which we had been searching to be part of my "everyday look," I would be wearing her necklace as that necklace. But, the Time Tide knows all things. My point is actually more about how I had been contemplating whether or not to bring her something, cause, like aforementioned, I used to grapple with what I "owed" this world, etc. I decided against bringing anything, mostly because I didn't know what to bring. She has given me gifts every time I've seen her. And they have always been very age-appropriate. But since I do not know the woman, I do not know if she's giving me gifts she thinks I'll like or gifts that she likes herself. I'm not wracked with curiosity about it, so I haven't asked. I don't really have very many questions for her. I know the story, and she is the main character victim. But I also just don't know her, and honestly, it's hard for me to muster the care. 

My birth mother is obviously, Korea-Korean, and she was born to Korea-Koreans who deemed my Korea-Korean birth father "worthless" after a motorcycle accident left him unable to hold down a job. Her Korea-Korean parents kidnapped her, and my birth father's Korea-Korean parents took us in, and my birth father never saw my birth mother ever again. They live about two hours away from each other, and they don't even know it. &Yes, I've heard this story from both sides of my birth family.

To Korea-Koreans, I am somehow, not-Korean Enough? What a harmful lie I used to absorb. 

And now, I understand that it is I who is owed. Interact with me this way, or hit the highway. I don't have to do fucking shit for no one and nobody. I'm a Korean-Mother-Fucking-Adoptee. I live and exist in Limbo. You can try to join us Here, but there is no way to get Here except through the hellfire that ONLY WE have survived.

We are everything.

We are everywhere.

We are Free.   

it's interesting how my "bad fortune"
ended up turning into a U.S. Passport
Korea-Koreans try their damndest to keep us on the "outside"
by not-accepting us
but the joke's on them
cause
WE ARE the ones with
the Power of Options
Korea-Koreans obviously reject us
cause what they really want
is to be us
*Sail On* 

The Mediocre Majority | Some Societal Sketching

The Way the Whites War

Two non-globeaux cojobbers &one Globeaux cojobber chat about nonsense that shifts toward the day's forthcoming weather. The Globeaux, forgetting to "code-switch" temperature scales from Global to Dumb, spouts, "It's gonna hit thirty-two! I mean ..." as the two non-globeauxs abruptly interrupt with laughter, "Thirty-two! Uh, oh, we're gonna need our winter coats today? In the middle of summer? BAHAHAHAHAHA!"

A non-globeaux, raised by non-globeauxs in america, travels to south korea, to fulfill her "dream." Her non-globeaux mother calls seeking her new foreign address. "It's JOON, jay, oh, oh, en. GYE, gee, why, ee, but sounds like "gay." DONG, dee, oh, en, gee," the traveler explains. "Dong?" the mother asks. "Yea," the traveler clarifies. "Dong? Like, you know, dong?" the mother asks again. "Yes," the traveler eye-rolls. The mother whispers over the phone, "Why would they name that place that?"

A non-globeaux ruminates on Socials about why a south american country built all of its cities inland, instead of on the water. A non-globeaux globeaux pipes in about the ignorance of the questioner with regards to the sheer idiocy of the question, since, in the idiotic non-globeaux questioner's mind, this south american country is somehow "strange" cause it's not like the other countries that have "decided" to build their cities along the coasts, on the water. Thus, the non-globeaux asked a question, from their supremacist positioning, asking for non-globeauxs to look at and examine this Globeaux country from their non-globeaux perspective. Other non-globeauxs bitch and shout at the non-globeaux globeaux's response cause it's "mean" to be this way about someone simply trying to ask a question. Meanwhile, Global Globeauxs "like" the shit out of the non-globeaux globeaux's Globally-Minded* response.

Stupid People in Alphabetical Order

Person A buys a gun because Person Z has a gun.

Person B buys a gun because Person A has a gun.

Person C buys a gun because Person B has a gun.

Person D buys a gun because Person C has a gun.

Person E buys a gun because Person D has a gun.

Person F buys a gun because Person E has a gun.

Person G buys a gun because Person F has a gun.

Person H buys a gun because Person G has a gun.

Person I buys a gun because Person H has a gun.

Person J buys a gun because Person I has a gun.

Person K buys a gun because Person J has a gun.

Person L buys a gun because Person K has a gun.

Person M buys a gun because Person L has a gun.

Person N buys a gun because Person M has a gun.

Person O buys a gun because Person N has a gun.

Person P buys a gun because Person O has a gun.

Person Q buys a gun because Person P has a gun.

Person R buys a gun because Person Q has a gun.

Person S buys a gun because Person R has a gun.

Person T buys a gun because Person S has a gun.

Person U buys a gun because Person T has a gun.

Person V buys a gun because Person U has a gun.

Person W buys a gun because Person V has a gun.

Person X buys a gun because Person W has a gun.

Person Y buys a gun because Person X has a gun.

Person Z buys a gun because Person Y has a gun.

Person A buys a gun because Person Z has a gun.

Person B buys a gun because Person A has a gun.

Person C buys a gun because Person B has a gun.

Person D buys a gun because Person C has a gun.

Person E buys a gun because Person D has a gun.

Person F buys a gun because Person E has a gun.

Person G buys a gun because Person F has a gun.

Person H buys a gun because Person G has a gun.

Person I buys a gun because Person H has a gun.

Person J buys a gun because Person I has a gun.

Person K buys a gun because Person J has a gun.

Person L buys a gun because Person K has a gun.

Person M buys a gun because Person L has a gun.

Person N buys a gun because Person M has a gun.

Person O buys a gun because Person N has a gun.

Person P buys a gun because Person O has a gun.

Person Q buys a gun because Person P has a gun.

Person R buys a gun because Person Q has a gun.

Person S buys a gun because Person R has a gun.

Person T buys a gun because Person S has a gun.

Person U buys a gun because Person T has a gun.

Person V buys a gun because Person U has a gun.

Person W buys a gun because Person V has a gun.

Person X buys a gun because Person W has a gun.

Person Y buys a gun because Person X has a gun.

Person Z buys a gun because Person Y has a gun.

Person A buys a gun because Person Z has a gun.

Person B buys a gun because Person A has a gun.

Person C buys a gun because Person B has a gun.

Person D buys a gun because Person C has a gun.

Person E buys a gun because Person D has a gun.

Person F buys a gun because Person E has a gun.

Person G buys a gun because Person F has a gun.

Person H buys a gun because Person G has a gun.

Person I buys a gun because Person H has a gun.

Person J buys a gun because Person I has a gun.

Person K buys a gun because Person J has a gun.

Person L buys a gun because Person K has a gun.

Person M buys a gun because Person L has a gun.

Person N buys a gun because Person M has a gun.

Person O buys a gun because Person N has a gun.

Person P buys a gun because Person O has a gun.

Person Q buys a gun because Person P has a gun.

Person R buys a gun because Person Q has a gun.

Person S buys a gun because Person R has a gun.

Person T buys a gun because Person S has a gun.

Person U buys a gun because Person T has a gun.

Person V buys a gun because Person U has a gun.

Person W buys a gun because Person V has a gun.

Person X buys a gun because Person W has a gun.

Person Y buys a gun because Person X has a gun.

Person Z buys a gun because Person Y has a gun.

Ignorant [Race-Redacted] Irony

The [race-redacted] non-korean females who travel to south korea for whatever reason.

And then they ruminate about korea, like a racist, about racist shit on socials.

And then they ask racist questions about koreans, like a racist, about racist shit on socials.

And then they determine racist stereotypes about koreans, like a racist, about racist shit on socials.

And then

these same [race-redacted] non-korean females freak the fuck out

when other people

do the same thing

about their [race-redacted] [color-redacted] asses.

You ignorant?

Oh, no, sorry

you're a hypocrite

or

hypocunt for the females *wink wink*

You also happen to be

the same [race-redacted] hypocunts who tout japan

while not understanding or educating yourselves on the dynamic between the two countries.

And this, all while you bitch at anyone who hasn't "educated themselves" on [Race-Redacted] History.

Touting japan makes you sound like an ignorant White touting hitler

and everyone expects this from the Whites

but you're the self-proclaimed opposition to White

lol.

*the way that non-globeauxs are is so fucking hilarious. the american ones are so overwhelmingly under-educated; they're ignorant, not only about the larger Global World, they are also ignorant about their own country, state, town/city, county, neighborhood, neighbors. they don't know a goddamn thing about anything. it's wildly entertaining to see americans and americanness from the outside looking in, just absolutely fucking hilarious the way that mediocre non-globeaux americans are. they jump to the defense of someone against perceived "meanness" when the issue is that they're butt-hurt at having their ignorance pointed out to them. oh, the mediocre. we are all trapped on this earth with them, and unfortunately, for the rest of us, the majority of them populate these united states. 

the day before yesterday

#holgadreams

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Two Terrific Triplets

the malasadas i've been dreaming of ever since we first moved here,
while living in our temporary accommodation,
where this pastry shop,
Maleko Coffee + Pastries,
was/is located on the main floor,
but when we were temporarily staying there,
the baker had injured his foot or something,
and so, malasadas were not being made,
so we got a bear claw,
and it was delicious,
and then we moved into our permanent residence,
and then a year went whizzing by,
and so,
yesterday,
we thought we'd just stop in to see what we would find,
and when we entered the pastry shop,
the very nice lady behind the counter welcomed us in,
and as i approached the counter to say hi,
i pointed,
"Are those..."
"Malasadas?"
"Yea."
"Yes, and you're very lucky that there are even any here this late in the day on a Saturday."
we ordered one cream, one guava,
and she threw in the third flavor,
blueberry,
on the house.
we,
obviously,
tipped the amount of the third. 

i'm not gonna lie;
i probably should,
but i will not,
because the Truth is
that i've been seriously considering not-voting this election cycle.
i know.
i know.
fear not,
the bodybuddy/lifemate has done his good work at convincing me that i don't really have a choice,
which is not-true,
i do have a choice;
as an eligible voter and citizen of this great country,
it is well within my right to not-vote.
if i had to vote,
then this country wouldn't be the bastion of democracy it claims to be.
fact.
nevertheless,
i received this mailer in the mail the other day,
and it was addressed to me
(or current resident),
my point being that it was addressed to me,
my full name,
and when i perused the mailer,
i realized that i do not have a choice,
i must vote,
cause,
these three endorsements couldn't resonate with me,
as a voter,
anymore than they already do.

it looks like, in the state of hawai'i, Voters must be Registered to vote by October 28, 2024
for this 2024 General Election
*thumbs up*
vote if you want. as a taxpaying citizen, it's your right to or not.

Lanai Lattes (w/snacks)

06Sep24

On AAAAAA or Asians Against Anti-Affirmative-Action Asians, Power, the Rings of them, &Contemporary Professionalism for (how do i put this) Low-Wage Hourly-Laborers [as opposed to High-Wage Salaried-Laborers, cause like, there's an assumed sorta 'professionalism' to the 'professional class' {bahahahaha! yea right! bahaha!} &it distinguishes 'them' from 'us,' but at the end of the day, we're all being exploited, so thanks for being an Elitist, you Asshole.]

I watch them bicker.

On one side, the asians who love to work that "meritocratic" system.

On the other, the asians who both subscribe to &promote the social hierarchy of the distribution of civil liberties.

Any issue regarding the "fairness" with which one may or may not enter "university" is already unfair. 

Like.

Duh.

The issues of equity, in this country, with regards to "higher education"

is an issue of the equity of the K-thru-12 public education system, in this country.

Oh wait, I'm sorry, those aren't schools,

those are the places where we corral our children

&murder them

at gunpoint

in the cold light of day. 

Nothing screams powerlessness more loudly than

bickering.

The powerless bicker &bicker &complain

because they lack power

thus, obviously,

they shout into a void.

True Power does not need to announce itself.

Humans are social creatures.

We understand power dynamics.

To not-understand social dynamics is considered a human oddity.

&Those dynamics can be manipulated.

To the will of those who would overtly exercise their power.

Overt exercisers of power are villains, according to "them."

Covert or Reactive exercisers of power are heroes, according to "them."

&Again, True Power cannot go unacknowledged, secretly unknown, cannot wander anonymously.

&So, while existing in "known reality," the day-to-day of jobplace social interactions,

these days,

is rife with the power dynamics of humans jobbing together in the flesh,

the type of power dynamics that strain the already stressed social interactions of daily life,

which, if one is astute, can be played.

This behavior, however, is typically frowned upon.

Toying with people is, generally, frowned upon.

The point of responsible power-wielding being restraint, that one ought not use one's power,

unless absolutely necessary,

&obviously, for the "good," whatever that means.

&Obviously, there's no "good advice" about how to wield one's power.

Powerful people are few&far between. 

Between what? You should never end a sentence with a preposition!

Powerful people are between Few &Far.

But the strain of socially interacting with cojobbers who want friends at their jobs

&those who are amicable but not affable is

tedious.

They bicker. They bicker that you're not friendly.

Being closed to friendship at a jobplace is, generally speaking, frowned upon.

Being befriended at a jobplace makes me frown.

&The most important thing that I realized, today,

while jobbing at my jobplace

is that power also grows, expands, shifts, &contracts,

because, these days, I don't even have to bicker to my higher-ups

about a goddamn thing,

for a simple line of questioning to the person in question about the problem in question

solves the problem.

&Honestly, it feels so good &so empowering to be silent.

I cannot simply run my mouth off about whatever or whoever, cause it will be listened to &looked into.

Power

the thing that everyone wants

but so few get

&of the few who can claim it,

even fewer competent wielders of it.

On Perfectionism, Paths Lined w/Money & ...

You were always in denial, obviously. Nobody wants to be labelled. Even a "positive-vibes" label disgusts you. Nevertheless,

You cannot deny that you, if not anymore, absolutely were a Perfectionist (not to be confused with "high-achiever"). &Yesterday, the proof was undeniable. 

The pandemic put a wrinkle in the plans you had, at that time, the plans that moved you to the place where you were located, &thusly, those plans were shelved. &Then you went on with your life pursuing The Pursuit. Storms calmed, &when courage swelled, you began living your life again, &on the wind you blew to a new location, an island, &there, money, literal money you picked up off the sidewalk, lined the path upon which you trod. To be fair, money frequently lines the path upon which you trod.

Around a year later, after grueling months of transition/change, drought. The path was no longer lined with money. It spit up Tokens, three of them, in three weeks. &Then, you felt the winds of change. &Then, the winds changed. &Then, you quit.

&So, for the past month, you've been free.

Some snails are relatively fast,
as in, some are going to be faster than others,
and some will even be considered abnormally fast,
so is it unfair to think of snails as slow?

In this freedom, a realization that befell you during the Happy_Covid_Times resurfaced. You need to go back to school. Not to finish what you started, you did that already &finished with two "worthless" degrees. What you need, instead, is to go back to school to actually obtain the education you need in order to do the thing that you, as an adult[see endnote], want to do with your life.

&So, you perused an old freshman-thru-junior-years transcript from Baylor University (you graduated from the University of Colorado at Boulder), &the first thing you noticed was the "B" in the chemistry class (Intro to Chemistry, etc.) you took the fall semester of your freshman year. 

You remember having "failed" that class. You remember having earned a "D." You're not sure what to make of this. That "D" was why you quit it all, you thought. You look over the rest of your transcript, &you are blinded by something upon which you cannot put your finger. 

You cry yourself to sleep, because you feel too stupid to go back to school. At least, that's why you think you're crying. 

As a nocturnal person, you awake at night, &you feel better. You even feel good. You prepare to go for a run with the bodybuddy/lifemate. &As you get dressed, your self reveals to you your sadness, &you begin to cry, hard. 

When you were a freshman in college, at a prestigious school for aspiring medical students, getting a "B" in a class was equivalent to failing, according to you. You received one "B+" in high school, &that ended your chances of being valedictorian, etc. That "B+" meant that you were a failure. So, naturally, you "failed" at your chance of going to medical school. You couldn't hack it. You quit being a pre-med student. 

To be fair, you already knew you didn't want to be a doctor after completing a Med-Prep program for high school seniors your junior year, etc. That program taught you everything you needed to know, &you knew you didn't want to be a doctor, but when you're seventeen, it's difficult to find the words, especially when you knew you were disappointing a lot of adults, etc. &So, you went off to college pretending to want to be a doctor, &then college proved to you, according to you, that you were too stupid to be a doctor, cause you got a "B" in your freshman chemistry class. A failure. 

You thought you were a fucking failure for getting a solid "B" in a college-level chemistry class at a prestigious science college. You thought that you were too stupid to be a doctor. You remember this, very vividly. &You try very hard to not-beat yourself up, now, in the present.

Standing, sobbing in the arms of the bodybuddy/lifemate, you finally admit to yourself that you are indeed a Perfectionist, &being a perfectionist nearly ended you. 

You went on to study the thing you loved, art. You were good at it, &you liked it, &it took your mind off of all of your other problems. Until it didn't. &After your roommates started commenting on how skinny you were, you knew you couldn't go on. Your problems were becoming visible. So, you quit college &took a break. 

It lights, but it won't stay lit.

You're wrapping your mind around how incredibly stupid you were for how "brilliant" you were. To this day, you feel the pain of how stupid you felt. You remember how you felt about yourself. You're grateful that you do not feel this way about yourself these days. You're even more grateful that you didn't end it all back then.

A new path has broken ground, &you can see, finally, how it is that you can get to the place where you want to go, where you want to be. But the journey is long, not long enough to discourage, yet long enough to require full commitment, &things must change, yet again, having but one year settled. 

You decide. 

&As you &the bodybody/lifemate stroll home along the path you always trod after the beach loop that ends at the rocky tip where the ocean splashes its significance upon the rocky shore, you find a twenty-dollar bill on the ground. 

You would've stepped on it, if you hadn't seen it first.

[endnote] when i was in high school &seriously contemplating college, i got in the worst fight of my life with my adopted parents. i couldn't understand why i had to go to college if i didn't know what i wanted to do with my life. this should have struck them as odd since they were so sure i wanted to be a doctor. according to them, i had mentioned that i wanted to be a doctor when i was like six or seven years old, and so they went full-steam ahead. when i proved to be an obedient student, being a doctor was not only possible but reasonable. and yet, i screamed and threw a fucking fit that i had to go to college when i didn't know what i wanted to do with my life! i didn't know what i wanted to do with my life. i didn't know that being a doctor was the thing that i would be doing with my life. i was so mad that i had to essentially commit to something when i didn't even know what i wanted to commit to. i was a sheltered child. "bulldozer" parenting doesn't even scratch the surface. 

my point is that i, personally, think it's really stupid to go to college without the expressed knowledge of what JOB you can do with whatever degree you want to get. i know how stupid i sound. i know that i sound so fucking stupid to admit that when i went off to college, nobody had explicitly described to me that i needed to go to college so that i could get a JOB, which means that i should study the thing that whatever JOB i want requires, etc. yes, "smart kids" frequently lack practical life skills.

anyway, i did NOT want to go to college, because i did NOT know what i wanted to do with my life, and so, i really did exactly what i should've done, which is, whatever the fuck i want, and i did that. as aforementioned, i have two "worthless" degrees, but i do not regret my education. being intelligent is always going to be an advantage, and so, doing anything that increases your intellect is never a waste of time. 

however, if you are a young person who is reading this, and you feel similarly to the way that i describe here, i would encourage you to go live your life. get a job, make some money, learn how to live this life. acquire the skills needed to simply survive. one day, you will realize what it is that you want to do, and at that time, college will still be there, waiting for you, waiting to teach you what you need to know in order to be able to do the thing you want to do. in the meantime, you can always do whatever learning you can do on your own with the help of your public library. books are FREE at your public library! 

*sigh* to be young again. i'd only go back if i could keep all of the knowledge i have now. otherwise, what's the point?  

... The Embers