Are you ready for Orbital Living?

by Argus Pntch 
[an excerpt]

"Of course, I’ve never spent any time, personally, on any Orbital, much less The Orbital before this assignment. Nevertheless, this special opportunity has afforded me an interview with a number of Orbital Inhabitants, and the stories that they’ve told me is enough to make me tell you that there’s no way in godforsaken hell that I would ever, EVER want to live on an Orbital. Despite my personal feelings, and they are many, I’ve also come to the conclusion that Orbital Living may just be inevitable. Perhaps some will escape unscathed by the dread of containment, but that just leaves these types to essentially starve to death or survive by a modicum of sustenance and hope. The reality, ladies and gentlemen, is simple, you are going to die! Planetary life is no good for anyone. At some point, in some faraway future, a planet’s resources, along with all of its inhabitants, will be depleted, in that beautiful cycle those Earthlings call … LIFE.
"Orbital Living, on the one hand, means that everything is always perfect for human life. Orbital Living, on the other, means that you subject yourself to the powers that be, the Bromides, specifically, the Bromides of the Orbital Naturalization Governance. There are few … less than whatever few equals … who have have the honor of meeting these Bromides, but none come away from an encounter the same. I, fortunately, do not know the specifics of these encounters, but I have heard a tale or two from humans of various planets who have all either seen with their own eyes or heard with their own ears some horrific story about something that they simply cannot remember. There’s something there, however, and so, I went digging, to see if I could unearth, as they are, a Bromide of my own. And luckily for you, I have."