some sun sailing | A Sewing Story

I began sewing at some time when I was a child, because my grandmother (my adopted dad's father's second wife, after my dad's mother died of liver failure way back in the day when my dad was a young man), Grandma Betty, took it upon herself to teach me everything that she could over the course of two different summers when my grandparents visited us for the last few times.

Grandma Betty was of a generation that was taught how to sew, just for, like, life-ing. When Grandma Betty was just Betty, she wore perfectly coordinated outfits, all day long, every single fucking day. Coordinated, as in, matching dress, hat, purse, gloves, jewelry, and shoes. Like, she only used this one purse when she wore this one outfit, etc. She was also absolutely horrified whenever a feminine-hygiene commercial aired on television. Ladybug bless her. 

Anyway, Grandma Betty taught me how to hand-sew a lot of things, and she taught me how to embroider, crochet and knit. I think that my Aunt Nina taught me how to cross-stitch, but i think Grandma Betty also went over it with me, but it's so straightforward, i don't remember spending any time with her cross-stitching, etc. I really took to crochet and sewing (the two activities in which I still partake), and I sewed a lot of things when I was a growing person. I made a lot of things in general. Grandma Betty was the woman who taught my mind how to see in three-dimensions.

In seventh grade, my friend [name redacted] and I had a dream to build a fashion house (I would be the fashion designer) along with a cosmetics line (she would be the artistic director) called FLY Fashion and RYAN Cosmetics, lol. We had a logo and everything.

Little Tiffany w/ Grandma Betty

on the left are my "T-Bags"
[i know, i was a sheltered child]
on the right
i volunteered to sew up some costumes for my amazing dance teacher Jeni
(who sewed up all the other costumes, by herself)
i think i made three sets (vest/pant) in each color
&it was the first time i made something off a store-bought paper pattern

My very first job was a job that my mom got for me through a friend of a friend of a friend who was an alterationist [this word has come up as "misspelled" my entire life, but this is what she called herself]. I was fifteen. Over the summer between freshman and sophomore year I had my driver's permit, and I vividly remember "driving myself" to this lady's house, and then my mom would go do whatever and then pick me up after four or five hours depending on the day. The lady paid me $10/hr., and I think I worked one maybe two days a week. The job taught me how to alter clothes to fit people better or to alter them to change them in a way to make something old new again. I loved that job. I ruined a client's pair of pants at that job. The lady was nice but not friendly, but I guess, looking back, I can say that she was patient with me. 

In short, I learned a lot. 

I learned so much, in fact, that I ended up hemming a lot of church ladies' pants over the course of the next year or two, charging $5 a pair, lol. Seriously, I charged $5/pair to hem up pants, and I hemmed up a lot of pants. I was so thrilled the day I printed off an invoice for $20! Four whole pairs! Twenty whole dollars! All mine! I also made a lot of "handbags" (this was before tiny totes were as prolific as they are now), but I never tried to sell them, because I didn't think that the quality was high enough to even try, and so, I just wore them around myself and was happy (there are pics of the other bags, but ima be lazy). 

And all of this was happening on an antique, full-metal Singer sewing machine (that tangled like a mother-fucker), until about, maybe tenth grade, when my adopted mom upgraded me to a modern Brother sewing machine, and I used that machine until I moved to Daegu, South Korea with it, only to find out that my american plug was ill-suited to foreign-style electricity, and the thing blew up, sorta. 

Before the first-modern Brother died its death in Daegu, it sewed a lot of the first clothes that I made myself in Denver during the years after college before Korea. My first job out of college was another alterationist/sewing job, lol. And this is the job that would change my life forever after being hit over the head with a steel pole, etc., etc., etc. After I recovered from my 90% disability declaration, the bodybuddy/lifemate and I, obviously, mulled my jobbing options, and it was during this time that my dream of designing wearable things cropped up again. I took on whatever part-time/temp jobs I could, and the bodybuddy/lifemate bought me my very first mannequin, and I made myself a little summer wardrobe. 

And then we moved to Korea.

And I guess this is the one long stretch of time in my life when I did not have a sewing machine, and, you guessed it, I did not do much sewing.

And then we moved back Stateside.

And my adopted mom and her sister gave me their youngest sister's sewing machine, because after she died, they saved her machine for me, because they knew that I would use it. I immediately fixed up some of the clothes that I had been wanting to make changes on, and I sewed up a bunch of masks when Covid rolled in. I didn't really end up sewing much in the way of clothing with my Aunt's machine, but I sewed some other things, and when we moved here, I donated my Aunt's machine to a local art shop in Longmont, along with a long note explaining the machine and how my Aunt would just want the machine to be used, and so, if nobody there wants to use it please, please contact me, and I will send for it. Nobody has contacted me, yet *cheers*

here i am with my Aunt's machine
back in Longmont, Colorado
[&this pic is on my "in pictures page"]

And now, here we are, on the precipice of my launch toward my dream. 

I know why I put it off. I know all of the logic that I put behind not pursuing such a silly thing, and I'm honestly really grateful that I did put it off. I've learned a lot of things on my journey of beating around the bush, and I know that this will make me a great designer. I've been places. I've seen things. I know stuff. 

With regards to the business side of my wearable designs, there's not a lot to share, sorry :( This is not a start-up per se, because our business is structured to pump out anything (and everything) that I might make, as an artist. Does that make sense? But as far as this being a new-type of thing that I am now going to create and what I create will be for sale, my launch as an actual designer of things wearable is not really a launch in the sense that I will not be making clothes for a living. 

I will also be making clothes for a living. 

Everything I make with my sewing machine will be treated like everything that I make with my words, and my camera, and with paper, etc., etc., etc. 

I am simply introducing a new medium.

And so, I do have a plan as far as a timeline, along with goal posts for execution, etc., and they are as follows [this list might get tweaked] ::

• Stretch One - Equipment Basics + Self-Guided/Self-Motivated Training + Tailoring
• Basic table-top quick-sewing machine
• Mannequin
• Iron/Ironing board
• Muslin bolts, white thread and needles
• Make patterns for everything
• Make everything at least twice in muslin
• Stretch Two - Equipment Professional Grade + Fashion Fabrics
• The Machine
• Thread cones in every color
• Fasteners, binders training
• Real fabrics
• Stretch Three - Equipment Salable + Fine Fabrics
• Serger
• Fabric fine enough to sell

We found the basic machine that I want, and priced bolts of muslin and mannequins, and we're vaguely familiar with the price of common household goods, etc., and so, Stretch One can be accomplished with about $300 and lots and lots of Time. Stretch One will (in my estimation) be the longest stretch, and, if all goes to plan, will be about one year long. Everything I know about how to make clothes I've taught myself. I was taught about how clothes were constructed by the lady who first employed me as a seamstress, but she was not a designer. She was more like a mechanic. So, yea, I need to go to fashion-mechanic school, and I am going to put myself through that school. 

My plan is to go to the library and find out what I can learn about what I need to know from the books in the library. Then I will make a syllabus of all of the types of things I learn that I need to learn how to sew, and then I will work my way through my syllabus. This, apparently, will all be ephwhyell vol 0.3, yay!

In the meantime, we will pick up the machine we found, soon, along with the other basic startup equipment, and for the first week or so I will fix up all the of the clothes that I want/need to change! I will also open for business as an alterationist. At the moment, it will most-likely be a favor for friends sorta thing, starting with people I've met here, until it becomes a word-of-mouth sorta thing where I can charge other people a real fee, lol.

honestly, i did not expect to start with all of this so soon
but i am starting to see things
in a new way
&so
it's time to build the funnel into which all of this may pour
so that it can become what it will be

Stretch Two is when I will buy the machine of my dreams, and I will begin to actually make clothes that, ideally, can be worn, lol, and Stretch Three will begin as soon as I'm making clothes at a quality that I will be proud to sell, which means that I will need a serger, at this time, so that I can professionally finish all of the items I make for sale. 

*phew* 

We did it. We made it through this weird Story/Log. 

Until next time \\//.

We cannot know The Future, and We must Press On toward it.

Every week or so, I will lament, out loud, that, "I wish I were a spy!" I've wanted to be a spy, for some time now, cause my adopted dad put my first Ludlum in my hands as a tween, while camping, or beaching?, who can remember. I have a hunch that I would've made a pretty good spy, except that I am really not interested in killing others to defend myself, etc., but according to them, only bad spies find themselves in unsavory predicaments, but when do I ever believe them? Anyway, I won't bore you with the details of all of the spy thrillers I've ingested in screen-form, but let's just say, if it's categorized as a "spy thriller" and the actor leading the thing is an actor I recognize as "hot," I've seen it. 

As I've grown older and thusly, more-realistic, the thing that I've realized that I love so much about Spycraft is actually a love of, and deep appreciation for, the Idea of Statecraft.

^..^

Country 

We're all born somewhere, literally, some geographical location. And if you're being born, today, these days, well, let's just say that the ball is rolling. You are thrust into a world that is already moving, progressing, changing, churning, and going, going, going, non-stop 24/7/365.25. If you cannot run when you're born, you might not make it. This is the world that we live in, a GLOBAL world. Globalization is a bitch, but she's all we've got, because this is where we are now. 

The geographical location where you are born is the country from which you hail. 

There is a sorta-agreed-upon borderline where your country geographically begins and ends.

The borders define a sorta confinement of land upon which you may freely roam. 

So, there you are, on the physical land of the country upon which you are born. And there are a lot of other people who are born on this land with you, and they are your countrymen. You all belong to the same place, the same geographical area of Earth. And all of you need a place to eat, shit and sleep, and ideally you'd have some clothing and some purpose within the country, a role to play as a human person contributing to life here on Earth.

How do we then determine how best to use the land that is our country, and how do we then determine how best to distribute the uses of the land that is our country?

Nation

Statecraft exists to answer these types of questions. Statecraft is how you build a Country into a Nation. The Nation, of which you are a part, is the bureaucratic machine—or government—that essentially organizes your Country's people and resources. 

A Country's National Identity is essentially its governmental structure. 

A Nation is an Idea.

There are as many ways to build a Nation as there are ideas about how to build a Nation.

Statecraft is the art of building a Nation.

Taxes

Roads aren't free. Shit, even SHIT ain't free.

Every Citizen of a Country must financially contribute to the Nation that operates all of the bureaucracy of humans living together on a finite piece of land, because everything costs money. 

If you want to be a Citizen of a Country, you must pay to live there, because you will use the resources that the Nation has built for its Citizens to use, aka the Public, Public Services, e.g. the Public Library.

The poorer a Nation is the fewer tax-funded, public services it can provide. And a lot of Nations are not striving to provide more public services, even if they can afford to build them.

Even on Empire, public services are constantly under attack.

 

Human labor is expensive.

Living humans are even more expensive.

Healthy living humans are the most expensive.

In our Democracy, We Citizens of Empire, by determination of our Nation, have the right to vote, and we can vote on anything, including Taxes. 

^..^

We, Humans, We are all here, living on this rock, together, but we have to be born somewhere, on some land, and within those land borders are ideas about how to then organize and distribute the land's resources to the people who live on that land. In this Globalized landscape, Statecraft is not so simple.

Life does not equal Living.

And here, in the Now, of Today, we are struggling to find ways to create fairness, cause fairness is the thing toward which we are striving, as a democracy, because the opposite of fairness is life. Life is not fair. It's that simple. And so, as a Country with the National Identity of a Democracy, our Statecraft has determined that the goal of our Nation is to uphold Liberty, The Freedom to BE. Everyone is free to be whoever they are, as long as you don't harm anyone, or as long as you were exercising your own freedoms, but where's the line between freedom of expression and freedom to live without being shot by an idiot and freedom to shoot whoever I want because I'm an idiot?

Most Nations are not democracies, which means that their systems of government are top-down. No need to participate, cause you are a subject. 

Democracy is a down-up system. You are the object. Democracy is participatory. Democracy requires an active citizenry.   

So, it's kinda stupid to be a Citizen of Empire who complains about Empire, as if a complaint will create change. As if you are powerless to create change. A complaint is air. Creating change requires Action. Here on Empire you are free to take action. 

Think of that stupid ass sport, curling. #sorrynotsorry 

The marble stone is Life hurling through space.

We are the sweepers, the Nation making decisions. 

All we can possibly hope for

is mitigation against dangers real and perceived

guidance on how to get there while sacrificing the least amount of life possible

and a trajectory, cause like, can we think for one second about where we actually want to go!

But unlike the sport

the ice is endless

We are being hurled through time and space

expanding into an infinite number of dark unknowns

and so

how do we prepare

for that which cannot be known?

when 'Hang in There' becomes 'Time to Fly'

"Yea sure, Lady, so 'simple,' but when you live a lifetime of hanging on, letting go feels impossible."

"Yea sure, so uh, neither of us are any good at drawing, so I guess we'll have to imagine it."

She takes a deep inhale, exhales, and rolls her eyes.

"So, there you are," Ladybug starts, "Okay, so close your eyes."

"Laay-dee," she ughs.

"Do it!" Ladybug demands.

"The fuck," she ughs, "Relax."

"Sorry, but seriously, close your eyes, so you can imagine," Ladybug insists as he lifts an arm to set the scene. 

She unwillingly obliges and even lays down onto her back, feet flat, knees up.

"I can see your eyes rolling, even when they're closed," Ladybug points out.

"I know," she ughs.

"Are you ready?" Ladybug prepares as he clears his voice.

She takes another deep inhale, exhales, "Do I have a choice?"

"Okay, so imagine with me," Ladybug begins. "There you are, hanging on, like that kitten poster, 'Hang in There,' hanging down, below the rope, gripping with all your strength, using every fiber in your body to survive. You hang on and you hang on and you hang on!"

She can feel her heartbeat rising and takes another deep inhale, exhales.

"What happens, though, as you hang on so tightly for your life, is that you also begin to rise, or sorta float, you know?" Ladybug shrugs.

She ponders this, "Sure."

"And over time, your position in space as that little kitty that was once hanging down 'Hanging in There' is instead being pulled in an upwards direction, as if," Ladybug deploys his wings, as she cuts him off ... 

"It won't let go," she sits up straight, as Ladybug buzzes himself right in front of her face, and finishes, "and fly."

선rise

선rise (the nine photos of this post) by 선 (1985-present) c. 2026

full-color digital photography

captured on the samsung galaxy a56 built-in camera

4x3 (1x)

as is lighting

edited in both InShot and Snapseed photo-editing apps

For the First Monday in May, A Word from Hillary Rodham Clinton

"Women's Rights Are Democratic Rights: The Global Authoritarian Backlash to Gender Equality"

by (Ya Gurl)

HILLARY RODHAM CLINTON

By defining women's value

primarily through their reproductive capacity,

such policies restrict economic independence

limit civic engagement

and reinforce patriarchal hierarchies.

p 100

#nowtrending

#tradwife

#loveisnottheanswer

i got lei'd for the very first time on my very last day

so, if you'd like to hire me, now's your chance!

you can hire me for any of my many skills, not just writing ;)

i'll be mostly busy with my forthcoming, self-induced/self-guided ephwhyell sewing training program

but i'll have some time to spare

cause i've always got time to spare ;) 

i know my worth well enough to know when i'm being disrespected.
i'm out, bitches
\\//.
thanks for the lei, bestie!
thanks for the gifts, alice!
*weeps*

i ultimately decided to leave, because i simply could not stand the incompetence of management any longer. don't worry, everyone in charge got an ear full, lol. hawai'i is not what it seems, i'll just say that. i wish that more people would try to understand the complexity of the environment in which hawai'i exists. the most-pressing thing that i wish that mainlanders understood about hawai'i is that when hawaiians refer to non-hawaiians, they are not referring to only white people. if mainlanders understood this, i think a certain sort of light would be shed on this place, and others would begin to understand the crushing oppression that is happening here to certain members of the jobforce. it's tragic. the one example i will share is about how a teacher (japanese) claimed that a dad (islander) punched her in the face when he confronted her at school for reasons that are unknown to me. the camera angle on the event (the one they showed) does not catch the alleged punch, itself. you see him come at her, and then there's this pole or tree in the way, and you see her fall to the ground. the woman has zero bruising or any indication on her face that she was actually punched. she even mentioned that during the school board meeting or court hearing? i'm not sure. anyway, i'm pretty sure the family lost or will lose, and it makes my fucking blood boil. rip roaring rage. there is zero evidence on her face that she was punched. he came at her, she got scared (that racist little bitch) and tripped and fell. plain as that. and then the family, all islander-looking, has to walk through a crowd of asian and white people to exit the meeting/hearing! rip roaring rage. as much as i wish i could do something or anything about the shit-hole of a nightmare it is here, i do not feel any sort of responsibility to change a place that does not care about changing itself, and since the cojobbers are trapped, they also cannot fight for themselves, because the system here is so blatantly rigged.

especially since i myself am not hawaiian, and i am not even a local, i really have no right to insert myself anywhere, in my opinion, but i do also think that there is a glaring lack of understanding about this place, in general, and for good reason. the people in power are framing the narrative, like, duh. and while the assumption is that the villains are white, they are not, and this is what makes this place so particularly sinister, from my pov, because from the mainland-pov, this place seems like a diversity utopia, and it is, cause as we all know, utopia is a hellscape.

as far as the Safeway location at which i was employed is concerned, the place is full of hostility due to the incompetence (a well-known side effect of cronyism) of the managers in charge, and let's be real, there's no changing a company's shitty "culture," amirite? not only that, the cronyism within the Safeway locations here, on the islands, is blatantly abused. it's a very open secret, and i'm sure Albertsons corporate is aware of the situation, but what do they care about the employees on the ground who do all the heavy lifting, amriite? lol. also, i saw that article in seattle about how they're suing Albertsons/Safeway for, in simplest terms, pricing fraud. the article relays how customers have noticed that when there are BOGO items advertised, the item will slowly rise in price before the BOGO deal, and so, by the time the item hits the deal, they're not really getting a buy-one-get-one deal. as a former pricing manager, "Yea, duh."

Safeway raises prices in three ways, specifically:

1. An item is Regular price, and then the Regular price goes up. 
• Regular price tags are the "base" price for an item when it is Not On Sale
• for example: 
• today one gallon of milk costs $4.99 (not on sale)
• tomorrow it will cost $5.49 (not on sale)
2. An item is On Sale, and the Regular price goes up.
• While the item is On Sale, the Regular or "base" price will change
• for example:
• today one gallon of milk costs $4.99 Regular, $4.49 On Sale
• tomorrow one gallon of milk costs $5.49 Regular, $4.49 On Sale
3. An item was On Sale, and then a "new base price" is replaced by a "lower base price" when the item goes Off Sale
• This one is the most complicated price-change tactic, imo, and i think that it is particularly sinister.
• for example:
• today one gallon of milk costs $5.49 Regular, $4.49 On Sale
• tomorrow one gallon of milk will have a tag that reads $6.99 Regular (crossed out), $5.49 NEW LOW PRICE!

the crazy part about this whirlwind of a jobbing experience is that we moved here with the hopes of jobbing our same overnight part-time jobs, but before we left, i had lamented to the bodybuddy/lifemate that my one glaring issue, with regards to my business acumen, was pricing. when we finally got here and found a Safeway that would take our transfer, i was offered this pricing position. in short, i was floored. not only was the position in pricing, but also, it was a management position, because i had to manage my whole department, which included a backup and price tag hangers, all of whom i had to train myself. not only that, but the office into which i was blissfully and ignorantly thrust was non-existent, so i was able to build a department from top to bottom.

all-in-all, this whole jobbing chapter of my life was a net positive. i learned a lot. i mostly learned how-not to be, how-not to treat jobbers, how-not to manage, etc., etc., etc., because at the end of the day, i just hated my bosses. seriously, though, i have never had to endure such incompetence. i would share every example, but that just gives waay too much power to the two idiots in charge of the Safeway i just left. 

i will miss some of my cojobbers, obviously, and i certainly hope to never see others, lol.

Onward

&as i do every "morning" when i wake up
i ring the singing bowls
&i speak words
&on the morning of my last day
i decided to utter the words i have been too afraid to speak
out of fear that the words are me succumbing to laziness, etc.
&because i know that i've worked hard enough
long enough
to have earned work coming to me for once
&so
i rang the big singing bowl first
&spoke
"i want something to fall into my lap"
&not two hours into my last day
that thing was a person

The Founder's Table | a christening

i've built the table
upon which
i will build my empire

and now
i'm cumming!

it's far from perfect
but it is absolutely perfect
*sighs*
the top is only tacked down with two nails on opposite corners
cause i want to wrap the top with some sort of clear vinyl
but until we find the perfect material
we will use The Table
as is
cause i love it
although
we will prolly pickup a cheap plastic table cloth
if we do not find the topper this week
[it never ends]
this is also the last post about The Table
cause the next thing that happens
now
is ephwhyell vol 0.3
which will be the documentation of redesigning
findyummylovedotcom
to suit
롤
my new wearable-designs pursuit
so there will be no update with the final vinyl
롤
&so
i guess that's a wrap on ephwhyell vol 0.2
until vol 0.3
*peace*

if you would like to comment on this post
&or future posts
i do post a link to these posts
on my utube channel
as Posts
&you can comment on this post
[a minute or two after the post uploads, not immediately]
&or future posts
there
\\//.

On Befriending Korea-Koreans #illsmoketothat롤

as a transracial korean adoptee (half-korean/half-usamerican) [goddamn, that little squiggly red line that lights up "misspelled" words is lighting up, rn, 롤], i find it interesting how many foreigners, on social media, "complain" about befriending korea-koreans. i do not mean to accuse them of "complaining," but since they are mostly genz white girls, that's what it sounds like, 롤.

anyway, the "complaints" go like this:

"koreans are so hard to befriend"

"is it just me, or like, koreans not interested in being your friend?"

"why is it so hard to make friends with koreans in korea?!?"

"i don't understand how to use, lol!" [jk, that one's not about korea or friendship]

etc., etc., etc.

*big sigh*

from my pov, korea-koreans are extremely generous to anyone deemed friend or family.

the title of family is obvious, but foreigners do not seem to understand how important the title is, for with it comes a lot of responsibility to that family, sometimes, too much, but this is not about that.

the title of friend is not doled out willy-nilly, and so, it seems as if they are withholding, but really, they are being discerning, because they must choose wisely, because they know that they must uphold the burden of friendship. [my god my auto-editor is really really unhappy with how i'm using words for this piece, goddamn]

and yes, i subtly inserted the idea of koreans and titles. 

titles in korea are very important. 

titles measure hierarchy.

koreans abide very muchly to hierarchy.

korean social life upholds the hierarchy.

gender is the first and most-important measure of hierarchy.

just divide yourself into the man or woman camp, and then go from there.

correct, there is no category for them.

korea is a patriarchy, a great one.

age is the greatest measurement of hierarchy in every situation, friend or family.

if you are the youngest, shut your fucking mouth, and serve everyone around you to your best ability, non-stop until someone younger than you is finally grown (family) and/or newly arrived to the group (friend/social).

other hierarchies exist, i'm sure, but they are not as important as the age ones for this social context.

i doubt that a rich young man would disrespect an older grandmother, just because she's poor, at least not in public, but i do not know how the dynamic between an old rich woman and a younger rich man would pan out. i don't know how to parse through this specific hierarchical mixture. i don't know how to parse through all sorts of hierarchical mixtures, cause, while i am familiar with some social rules and how they operate, i do not know all of the social rules, and i certainly do not know how all of them operate. so there's that.

thus, from my pov, korean friendships are deep, not superficial.

if you're a friend, you're a friend.

if you're an acquaintance, you're an acquaintance.

if you're a stranger, you're a stranger.

and everyone is treated thusly.

i think that koreans are opening up to the idea of work-friend, but from my experience, i do not think that they like it, because, at the end of the day, it is superficial. they obviously have colleagues, but they are not friends, unless they are. i also think that foreigners have introduced this idea of superficial friendship, and i am happy to hear that the korean people are not really having it.

usamericans love the idea of superficial friends.

you can drop them as easily as you picked them up, 롤.

an acquaintance, a best friend, and someone you just met two seconds ago are all called "friend" by usamericans, and that's hilarious to me. 

as a korea-korean-usamerican, i am very korean on the outside, and only sorta korean on the inside, but the korean sorta part of me, small though it may seem, runs deep. 

living in korea helped me know that i am, in fact, korean, and that deep down inside me, when i was a small child learning about the world, i was being taught by only korean people, my birth parents and my birth grandparents.

koreans shaped the foundation of my worldview.

koreanness was my first taste of life.

korea is the water in which i was formed.

and so, i have always been observing usamericans as a korean.

and the thing i can tell you about usamericans is that they are stingy. stingy as fuck.

and so, when i hear about these foreigners (specifically usamericans) who travel to live or "experience" korea, and they complain about how koreans are not friendly or how hard it is to become friends with koreans, i believe you, cause i'd bet big money that you approach the friendship as if koreans should be hosting you, like a foreigner, in their "beautiful homeland." 

and so, if you feel like someone korean is being so generous to you, and in return, you invite them to some group party so that you can fill out your numbers, you're the problem. i'm not saying that koreans do not want or do not like to be invited to parties, no, but there are party people and then there are friends. there are work acquaintances, with whom they will gladly party, but they are not friends, cause a friend is a burden, of the best kind, because that means that friend is taking on the burden of you, in return.

and so, this generosity is not so much about out-doing each other as it is about communicating that you are their friend. if you receive a gift from a korean, they are communicating to you that you are someone to whom they want to give a gift. you do not owe them anything in return, and they are not expecting anything in return, but they are hoping that they are someone to whom you want to give a gift. and so, if you want to communicate that they are your friend, you need to show it. and over time, the relationship will grow into whatever it is meant to be, because both of you agree to take on the burden of each other.

friendship is no laughing matter. it is sacrifice. it is sharing. it's acknowledging that you are one of my people, so here's some food. well, food is a bad example, cause, koreans are great sharers, in general, so here are some tickets to an art museum! that's a gift.

do you know what i mean?

and the average usamerican-foreigner is such a one-way street, let's be honest, 롤.

from my pov, it always seemed to me that white-foreigners (this whole thing is only about the white ones, cause i definitely didn't know any not-white ones, but from the looks of it, off socials, they are no different from the white ones, 롤, which is kinda the point i've been trying to make about white/black people in usamerica all along!) seemed like their english-speaking ability was the gift to their korean "friends," as if being accessible to a korean so that they can practice their english was enough of an act of reciprocity. 

does that make sense?

all in all, i do know how difficult it is to befriend korea-koreans, but i appreciate this aspect of korean-ness so so much. they have a bar for friendship. they uphold a standard for the titles we impart upon each other. words have meaning. actions have consequences. these are a few of my favorite things. and so, yea, i'm not surprised that white foreigners feel like it's impossible to befriend korean people, because average-white foreigners have no idea what friendship even means or looks like.  

it was more than we were prepared to spend on this god-given holiday
but when the bodybuddy/lifemate saw Ladybug, et al
(there are exactly three of them)
he knew he was gonna have to pay the price
no matter what it was
poor guy
롤

1A+1B | 4A+4B | 2C+3C | A+B | 5XCasters [updated 26apr2026]

so, we're doing this in stages, cause we can only make a bunch of drilling ruckus for about an hour at a time (setup + doing + cleanup), which is really all our bodies can handle without tweaking something these days, lol, and so, i'll just update this post as we screw together the pieces, and then, the final table reveal will prolly be a post all its own.

Table Day 14

A + B & 5XCasters &Done.

well now i'm screaming

(&yes, we know the thing needs leg supports ;)

Table Day 13

2C + 3C

well now i'm wet

the mid-bars are upright!

Table Day 12

4A + 4B

well now i'm hard

all the screws went in easily and some quite deeply
and we do not know what that means
as we know nothing
absolutely nothing
about woodworking
as we are learning by doing
but we're assuming something about the wood's softness
but we don't know if that's good or bad nor how muchly
also
the quality of the wood of legs 1A & 4A are both wanting
롤
and there are a lot of errors yet to be revealed
and i'm excited to find out exactly how much i suck
롤
nevertheless
this has all been really quite fun
we're loving it :)

Table Day 11

1A + 1B

well now i'm thrilled

remember, we were not able to cut the wood to size ourselves
so we are sorta left with what we were given
nevertheless
looking good so far
not great
but good enough
롤
and it's just so so satisfying
to have a built piece!
aannnd

the old, unhelpful perfectionist

is being tested

but i have to remind myself

that this is literally a first draft

so if The Table stands

is level (enough to not wobble/have stuff roll off)

and supports itself and all our stuff

we win!

[to be updated until completed]

return to ephwhyell vol 0.2