i got lei'd for the very first time on my very last day

so, if you'd like to hire me, now's your chance!

you can hire me for any of my many skills, not just writing ;)

i'll be mostly busy with my forthcoming, self-induced/self-guided ephwhyell sewing training program

but i'll have some time to spare

cause i've always got time to spare ;) 

i know my worth well enough to know when i'm being disrespected.
i'm out, bitches
\\//.
thanks for the lei, bestie!
thanks for the gifts, alice!
*weeps*

i ultimately decided to leave, because i simply could not stand the incompetence of management any longer. don't worry, everyone in charge got an ear full, lol. hawai'i is not what it seems, i'll just say that. i wish that more people would try to understand the complexity of the environment in which hawai'i exists. the most-pressing thing that i wish that mainlanders understood about hawai'i is that when hawaiians refer to non-hawaiians, they are not referring to only white people. if mainlanders understood this, i think a certain sort of light would be shed on this place, and others would begin to understand the crushing oppression that is happening here to certain members of the jobforce. it's tragic. the one example i will share is about how a teacher (japanese) claimed that a dad (islander) punched her in the face when he confronted her at school for reasons that are unknown to me. the camera angle on the event (the one they showed) does not catch the alleged punch, itself. you see him come at her, and then there's this pole or tree in the way, and you see her fall to the ground. the woman has zero bruising or any indication on her face that she was actually punched. she even mentioned that during the school board meeting or court hearing? i'm not sure. anyway, i'm pretty sure the family lost or will lose, and it makes my fucking blood boil. rip roaring rage. there is zero evidence on her face that she was punched. he came at her, she got scared (that racist little bitch) and tripped and fell. plain as that. and then the family, all islander-looking, has to walk through a crowd of asian and white people to exit the meeting/hearing! rip roaring rage. as much as i wish i could do something or anything about the shit-hole of a nightmare it is here, i do not feel any sort of responsibility to change a place that does not care about changing itself, and since the cojobbers are trapped, they also cannot fight for themselves, because the system here is so blatantly rigged.

especially since i myself am not hawaiian, and i am not even a local, i really have no right to insert myself anywhere, in my opinion, but i do also think that there is a glaring lack of understanding about this place, in general, and for good reason. the people in power are framing the narrative, like, duh. and while the assumption is that the villains are white, they are not, and this is what makes this place so particularly sinister, from my pov, because from the mainland-pov, this place seems like a diversity utopia, and it is, cause as we all know, utopia is a hellscape.

as far as the Safeway location at which i was employed is concerned, the place is full of hostility due to the incompetence (a well-known side effect of cronyism) of the managers in charge, and let's be real, there's no changing a company's shitty "culture," amirite? not only that, the cronyism within the Safeway locations here, on the islands, is blatantly abused. it's a very open secret, and i'm sure Albertsons corporate is aware of the situation, but what do they care about the employees on the ground who do all the heavy lifting, amriite? lol. also, i saw that article in seattle about how they're suing Albertsons/Safeway for, in simplest terms, pricing fraud. the article relays how customers have noticed that when there are BOGO items advertised, the item will slowly rise in price before the BOGO deal, and so, by the time the item hits the deal, they're not really getting a buy-one-get-one deal. as a former pricing manager, "Yea, duh."

Safeway raises prices in three ways, specifically:

1. An item is Regular price, and then the Regular price goes up. 
• Regular price tags are the "base" price for an item when it is Not On Sale
• for example: 
• today one gallon of milk costs $4.99 (not on sale)
• tomorrow it will cost $5.49 (not on sale)
2. An item is On Sale, and the Regular price goes up.
• While the item is On Sale, the Regular or "base" price will change
• for example:
• today one gallon of milk costs $4.99 Regular, $4.49 On Sale
• tomorrow one gallon of milk costs $5.49 Regular, $4.49 On Sale
3. An item was On Sale, and then a "new base price" is replaced by a "lower base price" when the item goes Off Sale
• This one is the most complicated price-change tactic, imo, and i think that it is particularly sinister.
• for example:
• today one gallon of milk costs $5.49 Regular, $4.49 On Sale
• tomorrow one gallon of milk will have a tag that reads $6.99 Regular (crossed out), $5.49 NEW LOW PRICE!

the crazy part about this whirlwind of a jobbing experience is that we moved here with the hopes of jobbing our same overnight part-time jobs, but before we left, i had lamented to the bodybuddy/lifemate that my one glaring issue, with regards to my business acumen, was pricing. when we finally got here and found a Safeway that would take our transfer, i was offered this pricing position. in short, i was floored. not only was the position in pricing, but also, it was a management position, because i had to manage my whole department, which included a backup and price tag hangers, all of whom i had to train myself. not only that, but the office into which i was blissfully and ignorantly thrust was non-existent, so i was able to build a department from top to bottom.

all-in-all, this whole jobbing chapter of my life was a net positive. i learned a lot. i mostly learned how-not to be, how-not to treat jobbers, how-not to manage, etc., etc., etc., because at the end of the day, i just hated my bosses. seriously, though, i have never had to endure such incompetence. i would share every example, but that just gives waay too much power to the two idiots in charge of the Safeway i just left. 

i will miss some of my cojobbers, obviously, and i certainly hope to never see others, lol.

Onward

&as i do every "morning" when i wake up
i ring the singing bowls
&i speak words
&on the morning of my last day
i decided to utter the words i have been too afraid to speak
out of fear that the words are me succumbing to laziness, etc.
&because i know that i've worked hard enough
long enough
to have earned work coming to me for once
&so
i rang the big singing bowl first
&spoke
"i want something to fall into my lap"
&not two hours into my last day
that thing was a person

The Founder's Table | a christening

i've built the table
upon which
i will build my empire

and now
i'm cumming!

it's far from perfect
but it is absolutely perfect
*sighs*
the top is only tacked down with two nails on opposite corners
cause i want to wrap the top with some sort of clear vinyl
but until we find the perfect material
we will use The Table
as is
cause i love it
although
we will prolly pickup a cheap plastic table cloth
if we do not find the topper this week
[it never ends]
this is also the last post about The Table
cause the next thing that happens
now
is ephwhyell vol 0.3
which will be the documentation of redesigning
findyummylovedotcom
to suit
롤
my new wearable-designs pursuit
so there will be no update with the final vinyl
롤
&so
i guess that's a wrap on ephwhyell vol 0.2
until vol 0.3
*peace*

if you would like to comment on this post
&or future posts
i do post a link to these posts
on my utube channel
as Posts
&you can comment on this post
[a minute or two after the post uploads, not immediately]
&or future posts
there
\\//.

On Befriending Korea-Koreans #illsmoketothat롤

as a transracial korean adoptee (half-korean/half-usamerican) [goddamn, that little squiggly red line that lights up "misspelled" words is lighting up, rn, 롤], i find it interesting how many foreigners, on social media, "complain" about befriending korea-koreans. i do not mean to accuse them of "complaining," but since they are mostly genz white girls, that's what it sounds like, 롤.

anyway, the "complaints" go like this:

"koreans are so hard to befriend"

"is it just me, or like, koreans not interested in being your friend?"

"why is it so hard to make friends with koreans in korea?!?"

"i don't understand how to use, lol!" [jk, that one's not about korea or friendship]

etc., etc., etc.

*big sigh*

from my pov, korea-koreans are extremely generous to anyone deemed friend or family.

the title of family is obvious, but foreigners do not seem to understand how important the title is, for with it comes a lot of responsibility to that family, sometimes, too much, but this is not about that.

the title of friend is not doled out willy-nilly, and so, it seems as if they are withholding, but really, they are being discerning, because they must choose wisely, because they know that they must uphold the burden of friendship. [my god my auto-editor is really really unhappy with how i'm using words for this piece, goddamn]

and yes, i subtly inserted the idea of koreans and titles. 

titles in korea are very important. 

titles measure hierarchy.

koreans abide very muchly to hierarchy.

korean social life upholds the hierarchy.

gender is the first and most-important measure of hierarchy.

just divide yourself into the man or woman camp, and then go from there.

correct, there is no category for them.

korea is a patriarchy, a great one.

age is the greatest measurement of hierarchy in every situation, friend or family.

if you are the youngest, shut your fucking mouth, and serve everyone around you to your best ability, non-stop until someone younger than you is finally grown (family) and/or newly arrived to the group (friend/social).

other hierarchies exist, i'm sure, but they are not as important as the age ones for this social context.

i doubt that a rich young man would disrespect an older grandmother, just because she's poor, at least not in public, but i do not know how the dynamic between an old rich woman and a younger rich man would pan out. i don't know how to parse through this specific hierarchical mixture. i don't know how to parse through all sorts of hierarchical mixtures, cause, while i am familiar with some social rules and how they operate, i do not know all of the social rules, and i certainly do not know how all of them operate. so there's that.

thus, from my pov, korean friendships are deep, not superficial.

if you're a friend, you're a friend.

if you're an acquaintance, you're an acquaintance.

if you're a stranger, you're a stranger.

and everyone is treated thusly.

i think that koreans are opening up to the idea of work-friend, but from my experience, i do not think that they like it, because, at the end of the day, it is superficial. they obviously have colleagues, but they are not friends, unless they are. i also think that foreigners have introduced this idea of superficial friendship, and i am happy to hear that the korean people are not really having it.

usamericans love the idea of superficial friends.

you can drop them as easily as you picked them up, 롤.

an acquaintance, a best friend, and someone you just met two seconds ago are all called "friend" by usamericans, and that's hilarious to me. 

as a korea-korean-usamerican, i am very korean on the outside, and only sorta korean on the inside, but the korean sorta part of me, small though it may seem, runs deep. 

living in korea helped me know that i am, in fact, korean, and that deep down inside me, when i was a small child learning about the world, i was being taught by only korean people, my birth parents and my birth grandparents.

koreans shaped the foundation of my worldview.

koreanness was my first taste of life.

korea is the water in which i was formed.

and so, i have always been observing usamericans as a korean.

and the thing i can tell you about usamericans is that they are stingy. stingy as fuck.

and so, when i hear about these foreigners (specifically usamericans) who travel to live or "experience" korea, and they complain about how koreans are not friendly or how hard it is to become friends with koreans, i believe you, cause i'd bet big money that you approach the friendship as if koreans should be hosting you, like a foreigner, in their "beautiful homeland." 

and so, if you feel like someone korean is being so generous to you, and in return, you invite them to some group party so that you can fill out your numbers, you're the problem. i'm not saying that koreans do not want or do not like to be invited to parties, no, but there are party people and then there are friends. there are work acquaintances, with whom they will gladly party, but they are not friends, cause a friend is a burden, of the best kind, because that means that friend is taking on the burden of you, in return.

and so, this generosity is not so much about out-doing each other as it is about communicating that you are their friend. if you receive a gift from a korean, they are communicating to you that you are someone to whom they want to give a gift. you do not owe them anything in return, and they are not expecting anything in return, but they are hoping that they are someone to whom you want to give a gift. and so, if you want to communicate that they are your friend, you need to show it. and over time, the relationship will grow into whatever it is meant to be, because both of you agree to take on the burden of each other.

friendship is no laughing matter. it is sacrifice. it is sharing. it's acknowledging that you are one of my people, so here's some food. well, food is a bad example, cause, koreans are great sharers, in general, so here are some tickets to an art museum! that's a gift.

do you know what i mean?

and the average usamerican-foreigner is such a one-way street, let's be honest, 롤.

from my pov, it always seemed to me that white-foreigners (this whole thing is only about the white ones, cause i definitely didn't know any not-white ones, but from the looks of it, off socials, they are no different from the white ones, 롤, which is kinda the point i've been trying to make about white/black people in usamerica all along!) seemed like their english-speaking ability was the gift to their korean "friends," as if being accessible to a korean so that they can practice their english was enough of an act of reciprocity. 

does that make sense?

all in all, i do know how difficult it is to befriend korea-koreans, but i appreciate this aspect of korean-ness so so much. they have a bar for friendship. they uphold a standard for the titles we impart upon each other. words have meaning. actions have consequences. these are a few of my favorite things. and so, yea, i'm not surprised that white foreigners feel like it's impossible to befriend korean people, because average-white foreigners have no idea what friendship even means or looks like.  

it was more than we were prepared to spend on this god-given holiday
but when the bodybuddy/lifemate saw Ladybug, et al
(there are exactly three of them)
he knew he was gonna have to pay the price
no matter what it was
poor guy
롤

1A+1B | 4A+4B | 2C+3C | A+B | 5XCasters [updated 26apr2026]

so, we're doing this in stages, cause we can only make a bunch of drilling ruckus for about an hour at a time (setup + doing + cleanup), which is really all our bodies can handle without tweaking something these days, lol, and so, i'll just update this post as we screw together the pieces, and then, the final table reveal will prolly be a post all its own.

Table Day 14

A + B & 5XCasters &Done.

well now i'm screaming

Table Day 13

2C + 3C

well now i'm wet

the mid-bars are upright!

Table Day 12

4A + 4B

well now i'm hard

all the screws went in easily and some quite deeply
and we do not know what that means
as we know nothing
absolutely nothing
about woodworking
as we are learning by doing
but we're assuming something about the wood's softness
but we don't know if that's good or bad nor how muchly
also
the quality of the wood of legs 1A & 4A are both wanting
롤
and there are a lot of errors yet to be revealed
and i'm excited to find out exactly how much i suck
롤
nevertheless
this has all been really quite fun
we're loving it :)

Table Day 11

1A + 1B

well now i'm thrilled

remember, we were not able to cut the wood to size ourselves
so we are sorta left with what we were given
nevertheless
looking good so far
not great
but good enough
롤
and it's just so so satisfying
to have a built piece!
aannnd

the old, unhelpful perfectionist

is being tested

but i have to remind myself

that this is literally a first draft

so if The Table stands

is level (enough to not wobble/have stuff roll off)

and supports itself and all our stuff

we win!

[to be updated until completed]

return to ephwhyell vol 0.2

Forty, Horny, &Brining

It's 100% fact that young people have no idea what it's like to be old, and that old people are the only people who know what it's like to be both young and old [i'm obviously watching The Pitt]. And the Number One thing that I am learning about "being old" is that age slows you down, not on purpose, and not intentionally, but by the sheer force of the reality of your body's own aches and pains, the degradation of your bodily self.

Say, "duh," to my face; I dare you.

Forty

I feel very middle-aged, because I can still do some of the stuff that I could do when I was young, but I feel very terrible after doing these things, e.g. I need days to recover, and I certainly do not perform the things I can "still" do at the same young-BAMF level of my youth.

I feel very middle-aged, because if I can still do the things that I can do now when I'm eighty, I'll be one mother-fucking, fucking-fucking BAMF.

But for now, doing anything at all is, meh.

Thus, the middle of my aging, the place between BAMFs.

I am no longer young.

I am well on my way to elderly.

I am not yet elderly.

I'm not working for gains so much as I'm working for sustaining ability.

I'm working to avoid "too much."

I'm not working to run longer, faster, harder.

I'm working to run, at all.

I'm not working to "smash that yoga challenge."

I'm working to soothe through stretching.

I'm not working to "better" myself.

I'm working to stay alive without the assistance of pharmaceuticals, etc.

I'm very much past my youth, and it is here, in the middle, when you get to test your mettle.

Will you work to remain able to your best ability, within the constraints of what can be controlled?

Or will you not?

Horny

As a woman, I have heard many-a tale of the "menopause baby," and let's just say, "I get it."

I feel lucky to have a healthy body-buddy, and I feel grateful that my body-buddy is also my lifemate.

When I need cock, he's here.

When I need hugs, he's here.

When I need what I need, and I need it now; he's here.

He's aging, too, and I feel even luckier to be aging with him, cause it's one helluva ride, and we've only just begun. It's not fair, tho, that his aging is making him even hotter, inching closer to his peak attractiveness, as I've firmly exited mine, but then it'll all be fair again when he's a gross old man, and I'm an adorable old asian lady, 롤.

Brining

As we were transitioning into middle-age, we discovered bathing in bath salt.

As we moved from the mountains to the sea, none of it really made sense to me.

As we soak in the salted sea, at forty, it all makes sense to me.

^..^

and i write about this, now, because as we've been building The Table, The Table has taught us many things, and one of these things is how old we've become. projects like this have always been a breeze for the likes of us; we could go for days on days on days, weeks on weeks on weeks, for years, and now we cannot. 

elderly people talk about how aging humbles you, and i don't really see it this way. 

i think that i have been humbled, regularly, throughout my life.

and so, for me, aging has made me more aware of the small, daily nuances of life. 

when i was young, the bigger, larger, greater picture was all i wanted.

in the middle of my aging, the smaller picture, the immediate present matters much more to me than wondering what any of this could possibly mean. 

i am less curious about what will happen tomorrow.

i am less curious about finding purpose.

i am less curious about who i am.

i am much more curious about who has access to me.

i am much more curious about where our realities diverge.

i am much more curious about individual people.

all the while knowing that it is the sum of our parts that matters more than any individual

when considering the future of humanity

and yet

it is actually only the people in your immediate presence who create this greater whole

and this part/whole dichotomy is where i'm at these days.

we drilled for one hour at 37.5 seconds/hole

Table Day 09

:[we realized that we still have the twenty caster holes left, but oh well;
i suppose we'll finish those up on some day after we recover from this day :']

Table Day 10
officially done with all the holes!

the above drill bit busted right around 110 holes
cheap fucker!
luckily we tested multiple sizes
and found out that two sizes would work
so we were able to finish up the caster holes with the larger bit
:'[

visit the Build-In-Progress post

return to ephwhyell vol 0.2

On War &Happiness

In the sci-fi works of a far-flung future wherein "Empire" strikes (think Foundation, Star Trek, Ender, as opposed to Star Wars or Mar-vel, although ...), we do not follow along with the ordinary Citizens of Empire, no. The stories follow some hero or some antagonist or Empire itself or the "sad little planet" that Empire is consuming, etc. 

But what about us,

in this far-flung future

as the little ant-Citizens of Empire?

How is it that we are "supposed" to feel, when Empire strikes,

when we, too, are victims of the oppression of the Empire?

Are we to protest

against every agitation?

Are we to fight

against every tentacular reach?

Are we to mourn

for every lost civilization?

Are we to cheer

for the power of our Empire?

And the divide seems to rest upon the people who want the best

for the most people

and the people who want the most for only themselves

and those who are like them.

Rewarding Loyalty

But the honest reality is that my life hasn't really changed. 

And I'm not so overly-privileged that I can take Saturdays off, to protest.

And I'm not white, so I'm not gonna fight, cause it really seems like a fight between the whites about whatever "white christianity" means and absolutely does NOT mean, lol.

And of course, I cannot mourn. What good could that possibly do?

And of course, I cannot cheer. I lack a superiority complex (being "other" on Empire, will do this to most).

But others can absolutely do all of the things that I cannot for reasons that I lack.

So then, what am I to do?

Mostly, I go on with my life. I wake up every morning, and the internet reminds me that Empire is at War, and I remember that as a Citizen of Empire, I am some type of enemy to some, and I also remember, that as a not-white Citizen of Empire, I am some type of enemy to others, and then I put my mind to brushing my hair and teeth, inserting my eyeballs, washing my face, and dressing myself for my job, as an economic slave of Empire. 

And, it all seems fair.

[end note]

&sometimes, i even have enough omph, to both capture &spread some beauty.

Mapping &Marking Measurements | Over-the-Hump Day

started around 0330
[snapped the table all pieced together at the start]
finished around 0715
[timestamp of the above pic]
(we took a lot of breaks, tho)
&it truly feels like the rest is downhill from here
*phew*
the holes for the casters will simply be marked
through the holes in the casters
lol

visit the Build-In-Progress post

return to ephwhyell vol. 0.2

ephwhyell | vol 0.2

vol. 0.2 v. 01 header

[header image]

vol. 0.2 v. 01 square

the place where we are is the place where all of the things have been acquired and prepared to build the work table, so that i can begin working toward my dream, but the table, itself, still needs to be built.

the task seemed simpler than it has ultimately turned out to be, and [i'm two beers in, so apologies, lol] i've never built a table, but as a fine-art student, i was a sculpture major, and i learned how to use a lot of tools, so i figured i'd approach the table like a "sculpture" of a table, lol. it's going alright. the only reason why it is not going "great" is because we both job day-jobs (i'm technically full-time), and we are nocturnal, so we are awake overnight, and so, by the time the time is appropriate to make noise, we are tired, and it's been raining, a lot, so the number of days we can even go outside to work on it has been few, but we've been able to muster the necessary muster to get the tasks done in very bite-sized pieces, and so, we've been painstakingly logging the number of "Table Days" we've expelled on this project (oh, we also live in an apartment building, and this would be an impossible task if we didn't have a lanai, etc., just fyi), and at some point yesterday, i realized that i finally had a vol. 0.2 sorta thing to put together ... the Table Build, lol.

thus, vol. 0.2 seems to be shaping up to be more akin to a sailor's log of building this goddamn [please do not read my use of profanity as a complaint about building this thing, for it is not, for the making of this thing has been absolute good times, albeit more challenging than we had at-first anticipated {a forthcoming post about the entire experience is inevitable, lol}, but neither of us ever shy {shies?} away from a challenge] table.

so, some pics and some links \\//.

• Final Table Day [26apr26]
• Screwing [a Build-In-Progress post]
• 96 Holes [updated w/the last twenty 11apr26]
• Over-the-Hump Day
• there's an update w/in this post
• HOME DEPOT Day
• EPHWHYELL | Vol. 0.1 [updated 17jan26]

these are all of the pieces of the table
after they've been sorted and sanded

the delivery of the lumber was a whole ordeal all its own
and i will eventually post a whole post about it
cause it was a whole thing
but it worked out in the end
and everything that this build has taught us
includes the delivery
and
*sigh*
it's been a whole thing
and maybe you're thinking that we're stupid for not-thinking it'd be a whole thing
but we knew that it would be a whole thing
and it is

we finally tested out the drill a few days ago, and we drilled a few holes [in two sizes] and screwed a few screws into some extra lumber (as outlined in the HOME DEPOT Day post, lol), and we even screwed two pieces of lumber together!

what remains on the list of things to do is as follows:

• map out/measure all of the necessary holes onto the wood [completed 22mar26]
• drill the holes [mostly completed 06apr26, completed update 12apr26]
• screw table pieces together/put the table together
• 1A+1B [12apr26]
• 4A+4B [19apr26]
• 2C+3C [25apr26]
• A+B [26apr26]
• 5XCasters [26apr26]
• tack down table top [26apr26]
• The Table is finished!

the day we drilled some practice holes was literally, the Seventh Day that we've spent doing something table-related. one of the Days was literally buying drill bits, etc., but seriously, building a table inside an apartment building in a very-urban setting with zero table-building experience has been real, lol, but it's possible; it really is.

the goal is to have this thing up and running by the end of this month (march) *fingers crossed*

where there's a will, there's a way, as they say.

vol. 0.2 v. 02 header

vol. 0.2 v. 02 square