21 December 2022

Got gifted a new toy-camera for successfully navigating another sail around a star named Sun, immediately tested it out on myself, duh, and then, tested it out on an outing (video test footage forthcoming on theTube), forgot to set the date/time, loving the image quality on what is, essentially, a toy, &you may read my thoughts in the pics' captions to get the 'full story,' if one must, which one assumes one does, since one is here, observing what it is that I 'put out.'

A Note

I find the task of explaining the nuances of what I find compelling about this new camera's image-quality daunting. Thus, I have only uploaded boosted images as opposed to RAW. Yes, they are edited, but they have only been edited in such a way so as to "boost" the original quality of the image that the camera provided. 

And so, these images are basically the closest thing to the original that I'm willing to upload for the masses (or half-dozen of you who visit this site, regularly, lol), cause I have an aesthetic standard to maintain.

Generally speaking, I find the image-quality of this particular camera to be quite fun. It's interesting. The combination of high megapixels and a shitty little lens has made for some compelling images, compelling light atmosphere, etc. But I'm also a perfectionist who is striving to be less so, and so, in the name of betterment, I've uploaded these nearly-raw first-images taken on my new* digital camera, the "Digital Camera | DC-01"
(yes, this is literally the name of the camera, and yes, I love it, the name, and well, also the camera, so far).

i woke up at exactly 1234 on what was the anniversary of my being pushed through the vagina
of my birth mother, into this world, as LIFE created to live as a being called "human,"
and within an hour or so, opened one of my gifts, a new digital camera,
charged the already loaded battery and then the spare,
turned the thing on, popped out its front-option viewfinder,
and then, i took this picture.
And so, this is officially, the first picture I took on the thing.

this is the second pic i took,
and it began to gimme a little insight into
the potential that this camera holds with regards to its image-quality.
Below (the left pic) is the first pic I took of the bodybuddy/lifemate,
obviously, and the right pic is just classic.

there are no on-board settings
(like, there are no buttons or options to manually manipulate
any settings in the viewfinder, in camera mode,
except to turn the flash on/off, use the timer or zoom),
that means that the light meter has to fall in some middle-ground,
that means that brighter spots are always gonna be a bit "hot,"
which you can see exemplified in the two pics below,
and in the bottom right pic, you can see the image-quality
to which I keep referring, and the bottom left pic
is me realizing the shutter delay.

finally getting the hang of it
by the end of our outing

*this is the seventh digital camera (I can't even recall all of the film cameras of my past, sigh) that I've owned since 2004. I am not what one might consider a "collector," because really, I use them, regularly, but I do collect cameras. Obviously, my first three cameras are essentially defunct, and I don't have them anymore, but I do currently have four digital cameras in my possession (not including any digital devices with cameras), with access to a fifth (the bodybuddy/lifemate's GoPro), and I now use three of them, regularly. The two cameras I use serve two completely different purposes, and now, the bodybuddy/lifemate has given me a third camera that will have a use/purpose all its own. This is the sort of "collector" that I am, if anyone was curious.  

12 December 2022

Dei's Last Day

Squirrel quickly wriggles out of the palm of Jei's hand after the Lingerer, fluffs her tail and bats her long-long eyelashes at Ladybug. "What. The. Hell. Lady," Squirrel flirts. 

"You know, those who peddle their looks have nothing else going for them," Ladybug states, flatly, while it settles upon the tip of Squirrel's nose. "And you know that I have a lot more going for myself than just my looks," Squirrel explains with a sultry voice as she flicks Ladybug off her nose, fluffs her tail and bats Ladybug into the nearby window overlooking the Listmaker's Ranch. 

Apathetic to Squirrel's sexuality, in general (not her specific femaleness), Ladybug gently coaxes a crooked wing back into its casing just so, and then Ladybug launches off the windowsill, wings unfurling from its spotted case, huffs as it lands on Jei's shoulder, exasperated, the one crooked wing from before requiring further coaxing to retract back in its shell. "Squirrel, this is an urgent matter!" 

"Well, one shouldn't insult one needs in a matter of urgency," Squirrel flirts, "Besides, I know it's urgent. My arrival is what has made this whole matter urgent, Lady. You know this." 

"So spit it out!" Ladybug demands from Jei's shoulder down at Squirrel perched adorably upon the palm of Jei's hand. 

Squirrel points at Dei, "A light cannot continue to shine from a source that dims with each passing day." 

"What are you talking about?" Dei asks. "Shush," Ladybug shushes, "What do you mean, from a source that dims with each passing day?" 

"The acquisition of knowledge dispels most myths regarding magic and ..." Squirrel pauses. "And what?" Ladybug whispers. And then Dei's quiet whisper fills the lamp's post, "Religious belief." 

"Yes," Squirrel nods, somberly, whispering. With head still respectfully bowed, Squirrel folds her hands into themselves, "I'm sorry to be the bearer of such bad news, but this transition period is one we have all been waiting for, for a very very long time now." Squirrel looks around the interior space of the lamp's post to acknowledge every being momentarily existing in the space together. 

"Dei," Ladybug attempts. "I know, Ladybug," Dei sighs. "Well, but what do we do now?" Ladybug asks with as much gentleness as he can muster. "Well," Squirrel begins, being chipper but respectful, "I did bring the Lingerer." 

In unison, Squirrel, Ladybug, Dei and Jei look to the cat licking itself on the seat upon which Dei was sitting moments before. "Just because I know everything doesn't mean it's my job to tell you," the cat purrs between licks of its crotch. Disgusted, Ladybug's fire returns as it flies down to the arm of the chair upon which the cat sits, middle arms akimbo, top arms flailing about, crooked wing unsheathed, "Can you, at the very least, tell us what to do next or where to go?" The cat stretches one of its back legs high into the air as it gives the leg a full lick from anus to toe, "No." "And people wonder why I hate cats?" Ladybug huffs as it makes its way to Dei's shoulder. 

"We have less than one day to find a new monitor," Squirrel states flatly, and then flirtatiously she suggests, "The Listmaker must know." "The Listmaker knew before we did that Dei was not going to be a good fit, so why did he bring her here?" Jei, having stood silently for some time now, finally pipes in. 

Ladybug looks at Squirrel, "Can you travel the gelly?" Squirrel doesn't answer, hops out of Jei's palm, bounds toward the Barn's barn door, and jumps head first, parabolic tail following perfectly behind, into the gelly. "Yea, okay," Ladybug scoffs while motioning to Dei, Jei, and the cat that they are traveling onward, as opposed to backward as they all make their way through the Barn's barn door gelly to the Listmaker's house, on the Listmaker's ranch.   


one somewhat-typical conversation w/ your somewhat-typical narcissist and one somewhat-typical social media interaction w/ your somewhat-typical narcissist

In Conversation

Somewhat-Typical Narcissist (STN): Hey! How are you? What have you been up to?

Obviously, Absolutely, Not-A-Narcissist (You): I'm great. Just working on, you know, X, and just tryna stay fit. [laughs lightly]

STN: [laughs along, uncomfortably] Oh, yea, X is not in my wheelhouse. [stands uncomfortably]

You: [feels awkward] Oh, so what have you been up to?

STN: [talks about him/herself for the next ten minutes]

You: [checked out nine-and-a-half minutes ago, so have no idea what STN is talking about] Oh, well, it was so great catching up with you.

STN: So great!

You: Bye! [waves a friendly wave]

STN: [already walking away]

On Socials

STN: [posts a post on socials, never sees/watches your socials]

You: [repost aforementioned post to Stories, cause it's a book post, duh]

STN: [sees/watches only the one Stories wherein their own post is featured, replies {no meager like} with a satisfied-face emoji]

You: [realize you're dealing with an STN, vow to no longer give a shit about this particular account, etc.]

09 December 2022

OMG, Peeps. I think I've finally done it. I think I've 'MADE IT'!?

I am excited to announce that I've received my first Racist-Troll-esque Comment! 

Oh. My. God. I dunno if I can convey exactly how thrilling the experience was, but I suppose my whole goal here is to try, and so ...

I'm obviously not going to repeat the comment here, but you can gimme a view and see the comment for yourself, if you'd like. In short, the Racist Troll pointed out that it's because of my race that I'm bad at dancing, in the particular form/fashion in which I'm showcasing in the video, aka jazz? When I was a teenager, that's what the dance class was called, jazz. I took ballet and jazz. So, this particular video was inspired by that idea of jazz dance. 

Firstly, this is not a defense post about my dancing. I'm like reaching my late-thirties, here. Nobody's trying to get a job as a dancer. Nor is anybody trying to be a "dance influencer." I don't really even know what that would look like. I merely returned to dance as a form of a workout that I'm willing to do. I absolutely hate to workout. I think it's the absolute worst thing that a human must do. It's the worst because our lives are so cushy that we literally have to work out our bodies to keep them functional. Ugh, it sucks. I just wish that my life kept me in shape, hence the dancing.

I like to dance. And dancing is some seriously good exercise. 

Since I suffer from being unmotivated to exercise, I started making little videos (uTube #shorts, cause they're saying they're gonna pay, starting next year) to stay motivated. And for me, it's been working as a good motivator. 

And now, after my first Racist Troll, I know for a fact that it is working in a different sort of way and on a level for which I could have never predicted or even hoped.

In my orbit exist a fair share of young women, women who are young adults but not yet in their twenties (but I will usher them into their twenties and through them, if they will have me). For me, my current participation on the internet has largely been fueled by these young women, because I feel as if I have an obligation to show them what the internet can be, what it, perhaps, ought to be. 

First off, there's more to the internet than social media, hence this blog that I continue to run for nobody's benefit but my own personal satisfaction, ad-free. I'm an overly-educated artist who creates a lot of things, with specific education in black and white photography, painting, sculpture, pottery, and sewing, among other things. Art does not pay out in a way that even a meager hourly-wage job can. 

Thus, we also use the internet as a gateway to potential clients and customers of our services

And then, there's social media, way down low on my list of usages for the internet. Yes, uTube pays out real money, and so, I've figured out a way to have a relationship with the platform wherein I can sustainably pump out (mindless) "content" for the masses, but only because there's potential passive earning potential. 

I spend little to no time on Instagram, because they do not pay (and I don't even know what other apps to say that I'm not on cause I don't know and thus am not on them), and I'm sure as hell not going to waste any time becoming an "influencer" in hopes of getting paid to be an ad. And when I do use the app, I use it as a quick-tool to stay in touch with the women of the younger generation (they're hard to find outside of socials) and to easily distribute video instructions, etc., to them.

And so, we've circled back to the Racist Troll and what to do about him (it's obviously some white dude, duh). 

What I did was I replied. Gasp! This was not my first comment. I've received a handful of comments in my past year on theTube, a few pleasant, a few trying to give me advice, and one Racist Troll! The first is always the best. I did not comment to past comments, because they were pointless comments. Someone trying to give you advice is a waste of your time. Someone just being nice is always nice, but if they're strangers, you don't really owe them anything. But the Racist Troll, in my mind, needed to be dealt with because I can set a precedent, a tone. If I say nothing, then I'll set one sort of tone, and depending on what I say, if I do comment, will set a wholly other tone.  

I'm in control. 

And if you run your own socials, so are you. You are in control when setting the tone of your social profiles. And I'll tell you a secret. You can set whatever fucking tone you want. Ideally, it'd represent a version of yourself that you can honestly identify with, cause anything other than that is a bit icky, unless you are specifically being a character, then that's awesome. The point is that you need to be honest with yourself about who you are or aren't being. And you are in control, you decide which parts of yourself you want to "be" under the various different social circumstances you may find yourself in while participating on and experiencing the internet. 

Also, this is not my first demeaning comment, just btw. It's my first demeaning uTube comment. And so, when you deal with demeaning comments in real life, it's easier to deal with them on the internet, because, when you're facing someone face-to-face who is saying something mean to you, it is easy to understand why they are being mean to you.

Here are a few scenarios to kick around; they're not extensive and they are trite, but they're just here to flesh out a point, the scenarios, in themselves, are not the point:

A guy insults your looks. Anything. He says anything at all that overtly or covertly insinuates something negative about the way that you look. Anything at all is up for grabs, your hair, your bag, your toe nails.

He obviously thinks that he, himself, is ugly. In short, he's insecure about the way that he looks, and so, attempts to assert the opposite by being the judge of others' looks. By being judge, he's controlling the situation and not in the ring as a person to be judged by others. 

For you, this means that he's pathetic. A pathetic, epic loser. All you have to do is judge him right back, and he will cry. 

I was going to flesh out a second scenario, but I'm realizing now that anytime some guy insults you, be it your looks or your intelligence, he is pointing out his own perceived greatest weakness. It's that simple. The way a man insults you pinpoints, for you, what he is most insecure about in himself. 

So, my Racist Troll. 

I can deduce that because he pinpointed my race, he is actually quite attracted to Asian women, East Asian women, specifically, since he used the catch-all "Asian" to encapsulate my race, which is what most white men do; they think of the East-Asian look of women as "Asian women". 

I can also deduce that since he resides in a white-supremacy-type environment, he's not allowed to feel this way about not-white women. He's attracted to not-white women, and he can't really do anything about it, cause his white overlords have a racial hierarchy of worth. 

I can also deduce that because he specifically insulted the fact that I'm both Asian and dancing in a way that he finds unsuitable, he actually watches A LOT of women who look like me dance just like me. Curious.

Finally, I can deduce that he probably wants to fuck me because he commented, and the comment, in and of itself, was about my appearance and the way that I move my body. 

And so, how did I reply? Well, like I said, you can see for yourself, cause there's no need to make infamous a Racist Troll, and that way, at least I'll get a view outta you for enduring this racism.

If you don't wanna gimme a view, that's fine, I'll go ahead and give you a little more ... a tone-setter for if/when some loser-guy insults your appearance, "Yea, that's what most guys say before they pay me money for a pic of my toes." 

Happy Festive Time During Northern Hemisphere Winter 2022!


02 December 2022

2022 November Reads | Books 65-69 / 80

2022 NOVEMBER Reads

Month Goal: 5/8

Year Goal: 65-69/80

1. Names for Light: A Family History by Thirii Myo Kyaw Myint

Nonfiction | 929.2095 MYI | 2021 | 176 pages

2. Overdue: Reckoning with the Public Library by Amanda Oliver

Nonfiction | 027.473 OLI | 2022 | 210 pages

3. Sinopticon: A Celebration of Chinese Science Fiction translated by Xueting Christine Ni

Fiction Sinopticon | 2021 |  448 pages

4. Beloved Beasts: Fighting for Life in an Age of Extinction by Michelle Nijhuis

Nonfiction | 333.95416 NIJ | 2021 | 342 pages 


5. Frankenstein* by Mary Shelley

Fiction Shelley | originally published 1818 | 260 pages

&In Images