Token Trifecta

Not to brag but, generally speaking, I find a lot of orphaned cash on the ground/floor. I'm not above taking that which has obviously been lost and no owner logically found, etc. Especially if that cash amount is relatively small, a few bucks here, a twenty there. I've stumbled upon so much lost cash, in fact, that I've lost track of how much cash I've found. This year, alone, I've already found $32.00 USD, which brings me to the beginning of this Trifecta of Tokens; the bodybuddy/lifemate found a ₩500 KRW whilst doing laundry a few weeks ago. 

Okay, for starters, the Korean 오백원 is my favorite piece of usable currency. This is no secret to anyone who knows me, which means that nobody really knows this factoid (the bodybuddy/lifemate excepted). My love for the 오백원 stems from its utility (between the years 2013 - 2018, when we lived there full-time). There are a lot of things that one 오백원 can buy, and there are even more things that a modest handful of 오백원 can buy you. And then, I learned that Koreans interpret people who pay in cash as "rich." We only paid in cash, but I never found out how Koreans feel about people who pay with change, lol. I felt like I was interpreted as poor, but one cannot have change unless one pays in cash, unless, obviously, one is homeless (i.e. "unhoused") and the change is pity money. This was why I would oftentimes find myself with a bowl of 오백원, and so, we started to include the cash value of all of the 오백원 we collected as disposable, which meant that I could spend them on whatever, whenever. And for many years, I lived, happily, exclusively by treat-spending the 오백원 we received as change as cash-only consumers. It was awesome. I didn't feel poor, so I never gave the image of paying with change any more thought.

And so, to this day, the Korean 오백원 represents something so pragmatic: that one coin could be the "right" value so as to make the purchasing of things at that price point a very simple transaction, AND that there are things (namely snack foods) that can be purchased at this 오백원 price. My love for it is undying. I love the 오백원.

And then, the bodybuddy/lifemate just happens to find one 오백원 on the dryer in the communal laundry room of our condo complex. 

imagine our luck
while (technically) living in the USA
we find a Korean 오백원
my favorite piece of global currency

While on our walk home from our jobplace, as we were crossing one of the many streets that must be crossed in order for us to reach our desired destination, I found a thing on the ground. I knew it wasn't money, but I didn't know if it was some small plaque-like thing purposely set into the sidewalk (the intersection in question has been newly redone). At first, I walked by as I took notice, but then I stopped, turned and picked it up. 

a literal token for something somewhere

Back in August of last year, I bought myself a black jade bangle as a reminder to "turtle" at my new job. As a high-achiever, jobs tend to burn me out because I want to do everything I do, well. This new job that I've been doing for nearly a year now, has taught me a lot of things, and one of those things is that some jobs are never "done."

The bangle broke within the first month of this year. Honestly, I wasn't even upset about it. I had felt that I had outgrown it, and so, I was looking for the next thing.

But then, this is when my patience was tested. There's a "local" Tibetan shop around here that I'd been wanting to visit to either purchase something new or get ideas about a new something-or-other to remind me of the existential things of which I need constant reminding lest I fall into a spiral of despair about the general ethos of failure I feel about my life and its "successes" and lack thereof, etc. 

By the end of January, right when the bangle broke, the "local" shop of Tibetan goods undertook a move. The projected date for reopening was early March, I think, and then it was pushed back to early April. During this time I considered my old amethyst bead-bracelet, but the sizing knot is frayed, and I really don't want that bracelet to snap and send those beads flying everywhere, etc. 

By the time the Tibetan shop finally reopened, I had lost all inspiration and motivation. I gave up. I asked the universe to speak to me. I let it go. 

And then, while on our run tonight, there it was, this amethyst bead-ring, just sitting there, on the sidewalk, right in my running path. I stopped and picked it up. 

I understand that someone lost this ring. And if you are a person who lost a ring like this, recently or not so long ago, please let me know the general vicinity of where you might have lost your ring that looks just like this one. If it was lost near where I found it, I will gladly send it to you. I whole-heartedly see the thing as a thing being borrowed.

Thus, in the meantime, I will wear it, as a long or short-term gift from a stranger. Thanks, Stranger. 

  

FOUND!
an amethyst bead-ring
until claimed, it will be borrowed

What is a List but a prophecy of one's future?

선 (Sun)

He looks at you. Your birth-grandfather does. He speaks at you. And in Korean, you have no idea what he's saying, but he's being very serious about it, and you can hear your Korean name being said over and over again. The translator, a young, wide-eyed, half-terrified college student, looks at you, "Your grandfather," birth grandfather, you correct in your mind, "says that he specifically named you with one name, because he wanted you to stand out, be different." A near-crime when considering the Korean cultural same-ness aspired to by the entire culture, as a whole, especially when considering the time period in which you were conceived, orphaned, and transracially adopted. 

"Your Korean name is Sun?" a Korean coworker at the English academy where you substitute teach and part-time teach at during Summer/Winter Intensives asks after finding out that you have a Korean name. "Hmmm," the coworker wonders aloud, "Like this," she writes 선 on a piece of paper. "Yes," you confirm despite never asking for a dissection of your Korean name. "Ah, so like the root Chinese is the word 'nice,' I think," she giggles, almost embarrassed, not confident, or maybe too confident and is lying to you. You can't tell. Koreans, you find, are hard to read, still. 

For obvious reasons, the name Sun, in English was never a viable option to you, since, as in English, 'Sun' is a tremendous idea. In English, Sun is grandiose. In Korean, as far as you know, Sun is nice. 

So which is it, you decide you must decide. Or maybe, there is no decision to be made at all. You've circled the Sun as Sun for nearly one full lap (excluding the nearly-four years you lived as 선 in Korean, in Korea). As you ponder this, you begin to realize the enormity of your decision. This name-change is not something that was done willy-nilly, even though, the implementation of the idea seemed spontaneous. 

You haven't legally changed your name, because there's nothing to change. Your full legal name is Tiffany Kim Sun Camas. You dropped your white first name (cause you hate it) and your Korean last name (cause you feel no loyalties), leaving your given birth name and the last name legacy of the family who saved and raised you. You could do the paperwork to make the names by which you've decided to be called the only names associated with you, but a lot of people know you as "Tiffany," and that's not a problem for you. A year into deciding to use the name that your birth grandfather gave to you and you feel the weight of the name.

And you're not sure you can live up to it.

You even feel guilty for using the name, even though it is your own.

And you feel insecure at the thought of what other people might think about you using it.

Your birth grandfather either saw &or hoped for greatest within you. A singular-syllable Korean first name. You are something special by his logic. He decided to make you special. He decided that of all of the things in this world, he wanted to make you stand out. Go noticed. Be different. This is the man from whom your physical body stems, your blood, your genes. Someone, upon your birth, hoped for greatest upon you, determined that he could make you special, through your name alone. 

It's a lot to live up to. To become a mononymous person. 

And then, you were great. Being beyond your adopted parents' expectations. You thrived. All of this adoption trauma didn't really seem to affect you at all. You were a winner. You were great. 

But that was Tiffany. She's not Sun. And Sun is not Tiffany. They are two very different people, even though, they are obviously the same singular person. 

Nevertheless, here they are, Tiffany and Sun, now, Sun with Tiffany fading further and further from Sun's personhood. Nobody is quite sure who Sun is, yet, but Sun's different. Sun is more Korean than Tiffany could ever hope to be. Sun has a heavier weight to bear than Tiffany ever bore. Sun is emotionally more vulnerable than "Stone-Cold" Tiffany. 

But they both just want to be free. Of everything, really. The bodybuddy/lifemate excepted.   

On Soup Lube

First Feelings re 'The Sympathizer' (the HBO miniseries, based off the book THE SYMPATHIZER by Viet Thanh Nguyen [2015])

Bon grapples with the Major, and in Park Chan-Wook style, the camera opens wide to a static shot that frames the entire stage of action. The Captain skirmishes around the car port wall as he and Bon beat a fighting Major. Headlights swipe over the scene, and just as the men are about to be revealed in the lights, an off-camera dumpster hides them in shadow. 

^..^

At first, based solely off of "RDJ Plays Multiple Roles In New HBO Miniseries 'The Sympathizer'"-type headlines, I thought it was so strange that RDJ playing multiple roles was newsworthy; and also, like, why wouldn't you just hire more actors? 

I thought nothing more of/about the show.

&then the bodybuddy/lifemate says to me one day, "You wanna try 'The Sympathizer'?," to which I quickly respond with an air of as if, "No," to which he responds, "It's that new Park Chan-Wook show," to which I respond, "What the fuck!," to which he responds, "What?," to which I respond, "Why wouldn't you lead with that? All I've heard about that show is how Robert Fucking Junior is playing 'multiple characters.'"

So, we started watching it, right then and there.

And after patiently watching episode one unfurl, I definitely understand that the production probably wanted to pay as few white actors as they could logically "get away with," etc. Genius. Also, RDJ sorta represents a certain type of white person, as a whole, and also, he fills in as the joke that all white people look the same to Asians, lol. 

^..^

I couldn't decide whether or not the Captain is gorgeous or hideous. I've decided that he's fucking gorgeous. *swoon*

^..^

The "Asian perspective" makes me feel so happy. I laugh so much in every episode. The humor is perfection, and I just love the scathing commentary being made on and about white people. It's so so good. *sighs* It's so so satisfying. I obviously wish I had read the book first, but I think it'll still be a great read, cause I can pore over the writing for myself. *drool* 

a Debut

twas the bodybuddy/lifemate's revelation
that i ought to have an image
associated with my writer's rate sheet
so that the interwebs can more easily
pick up this type of information
and make it more "findable," etc.
that made me realize that he is/was correct
*sigh*
months later
we finally sat down and did it
and now it's done

interact with the pdf version on tkscmlimited.com
[version 03.08]