10 December 2022

OMG, Peeps. I think I've finally done it. I think I've 'MADE IT'!?


I am excited to announce that I've received my first Racist-Troll-esque Comment! 

Oh. My. God. I dunno if I can convey exactly how thrilling the experience was, but I suppose my whole goal here is to try, and so ...

I'm obviously not going to repeat the comment here, but you can gimme a view and see the comment for yourself, if you'd like. In short, the Racist Troll pointed out that it's because of my race that I'm bad at dancing, in the particular form/fashion in which I'm showcasing in the video, aka jazz? When I was a teenager, that's what the dance class was called, jazz. I took ballet and jazz. So, this particular video was inspired by that idea of jazz dance. 

Firstly, this is not a defense post about my dancing. I'm like reaching my late-thirties, here. Nobody's trying to get a job as a dancer. Nor is anybody trying to be a "dance influencer." I don't really even know what that would look like. I merely returned to dance as a form of a workout that I'm willing to do. I absolutely hate to workout. I think it's the absolute worst thing that a human must do. It's the worst because our lives are so cushy that we literally have to work out our bodies to keep them functional. Ugh, it sucks. I just wish that my life kept me in shape, hence the dancing.

I like to dance. And dancing is some seriously good exercise. 

Since I suffer from being unmotivated to exercise, I started making little videos (uTube #shorts, cause they're saying they're gonna pay, starting next year) to stay motivated. And for me, it's been working as a good motivator. 

And now, after my first Racist Troll, I know for a fact that it is working in a different sort of way and on a level for which I could have never predicted or even hoped.

In my orbit exist a fair share of young women, women who are young adults but not yet in their twenties (but I will usher them into their twenties and through them, if they will have me). For me, my current participation on the internet has largely been fueled by these young women, because I feel as if I have an obligation to show them what the internet can be, what it, perhaps, ought to be. 

First off, there's more to the internet than social media, hence this blog that I continue to run for nobody's benefit but my own personal satisfaction, ad-free. I'm an overly-educated artist who creates a lot of things, with specific education in black and white photography, painting, sculpture, pottery, and sewing, among other things. Art does not pay out in a way that even a meager hourly-wage job can. 

Thus, we also use the internet as a gateway to potential clients and customers of our services

And then, there's social media, way down low on my list of usages for the internet. Yes, uTube pays out real money, and so, I've figured out a way to have a relationship with the platform wherein I can sustainably pump out (mindless) "content" for the masses, but only because there's potential passive earning potential. 

I spend little to no time on Instagram, because they do not pay (and I don't even know what other apps to say that I'm not on cause I don't know and thus am not on them), and I'm sure as hell not going to waste any time becoming an "influencer" in hopes of getting paid to be an ad. And when I do use the app, I use it as a quick-tool to stay in touch with the women of the younger generation (they're hard to find outside of socials) and to easily distribute video instructions, etc., to them.

And so, we've circled back to the Racist Troll and what to do about him (it's obviously some white dude, duh). 

What I did was I replied. Gasp! This was not my first comment. I've received a handful of comments in my past year on theTube, a few pleasant, a few trying to give me advice, and one Racist Troll! The first is always the best. I did not comment to past comments, because they were pointless comments. Someone trying to give you advice is a waste of your time. Someone just being nice is always nice, but if they're strangers, you don't really owe them anything. But the Racist Troll, in my mind, needed to be dealt with because I can set a precedent, a tone. If I say nothing, then I'll set one sort of tone, and depending on what I say, if I do comment, will set a wholly other tone.  

I'm in control. 

And if you run your own socials, so are you. You are in control when setting the tone of your social profiles. And I'll tell you a secret. You can set whatever fucking tone you want. Ideally, it'd represent a version of yourself that you can honestly identify with, cause anything other than that is a bit icky, unless you are specifically being a character, then that's awesome. The point is that you need to be honest with yourself about who you are or aren't being. And you are in control, you decide which parts of yourself you want to "be" under the various different social circumstances you may find yourself in while participating on and experiencing the internet. 

Also, this is not my first demeaning comment, just btw. It's my first demeaning uTube comment. And so, when you deal with demeaning comments in real life, it's easier to deal with them on the internet, because, when you're facing someone face-to-face who is saying something mean to you, it is easy to understand why they are being mean to you.

Here are a few scenarios to kick around; they're not extensive and they are trite, but they're just here to flesh out a point, the scenarios, in themselves, are not the point:

A guy insults your looks. Anything. He says anything at all that overtly or covertly insinuates something negative about the way that you look. Anything at all is up for grabs, your hair, your bag, your toe nails.

He obviously thinks that he, himself, is ugly. In short, he's insecure about the way that he looks, and so, attempts to assert the opposite by being the judge of others' looks. By being judge, he's controlling the situation and not in the ring as a person to be judged by others. 

For you, this means that he's pathetic. A pathetic, epic loser. All you have to do is judge him right back, and he will cry. 

I was going to flesh out a second scenario, but I'm realizing now that anytime some guy insults you, be it your looks or your intelligence, he is pointing out his own perceived greatest weakness. It's that simple. The way a man insults you pinpoints, for you, what he is most insecure about in himself. 

So, my Racist Troll. 

I can deduce that because he pinpointed my race, he is actually quite attracted to Asian women, East Asian women, specifically, since he used the catch-all "Asian" to encapsulate my race, which is what most white men do; they think of the East-Asian look of women as "Asian women". 

I can also deduce that since he resides in a white-supremacy-type environment, he's not allowed to feel this way about not-white women. He's attracted to not-white women, and he can't really do anything about it, cause his white overlords have a racial hierarchy of worth. 

I can also deduce that because he specifically insulted the fact that I'm both Asian and dancing in a way that he finds unsuitable, he actually watches A LOT of women who look like me dance just like me. Curious.

Finally, I can deduce that he probably wants to fuck me because he commented, and the comment, in and of itself, was about my appearance and the way that I move my body. 

And so, how did I reply? Well, like I said, you can see for yourself, cause there's no need to make infamous a Racist Troll, and that way, at least I'll get a view outta you for enduring this racism.

If you don't wanna gimme a view, that's fine, I'll go ahead and give you a little more ... a tone-setter for if/when some loser-guy insults your appearance, "Yea, that's what most guys say before they pay me money for a pic of my toes."