anyway, the "complaints" go like this:
"koreans are so hard to befriend"
"is it just me, or like, koreans not interested in being your friend?"
"why is it so hard to make friends with koreans in korea?!?"
"i don't understand how to use, lol!" [jk, that one's not about korea or friendship]
etc., etc., etc.
*big sigh*
from my pov, korea-koreans are extremely generous to anyone deemed friend or family.
the title of family is obvious, but foreigners do not seem to understand how important the title is, for with it comes a lot of responsibility to that family, sometimes, too much, but this is not about that.
the title of friend is not doled out willy-nilly, and so, it seems as if they are withholding, but really, they are being discerning, because they must choose wisely, because they know that they must uphold the burden of friendship. [my god my auto-editor is really really unhappy with how i'm using words for this piece, goddamn]
and yes, i subtly inserted the idea of koreans and titles.
titles in korea are very important.
titles measure hierarchy.
koreans abide very muchly to hierarchy.
korean social life upholds the hierarchy.
gender is the first and most-important measure of hierarchy.
just divide yourself into the man or woman camp, and then go from there.
correct, there is no category for them.
korea is a patriarchy, a great one.
age is the greatest measurement of hierarchy in every situation, friend or family.
if you are the youngest, shut your fucking mouth, and serve everyone around you to your best ability, non-stop until someone younger than you is finally grown (family) and/or newly arrived to the group (friend/social).
other hierarchies exist, i'm sure, but they are not as important as the age ones for this social context.
i doubt that a rich young man would disrespect an older grandmother, just because she's poor, at least not in public, but i do not know how the dynamic between an old rich woman and a younger rich man would pan out. i don't know how to parse through this specific hierarchical mixture. i don't know how to parse through all sorts of hierarchical mixtures, cause, while i am familiar with some social rules and how they operate, i do not know all of the social rules, and i certainly do not know how all of them operate. so there's that.
thus, from my pov, korean friendships are deep, not superficial.
if you're a friend, you're a friend.
if you're an acquaintance, you're an acquaintance.
if you're a stranger, you're a stranger.
and everyone is treated thusly.
i think that koreans are opening up to the idea of work-friend, but from my experience, i do not think that they like it, because, at the end of the day, it is superficial. they obviously have colleagues, but they are not friends, unless they are. i also think that foreigners have introduced this idea of superficial friendship, and i am happy to hear that the korean people are not really having it.
usamericans love the idea of superficial friends.
you can drop them as easily as you picked them up, 롤.
an acquaintance, a best friend, and someone you just met two seconds ago are all called "friend" by usamericans, and that's hilarious to me.
as a korea-korean-usamerican, i am very korean on the outside, and only sorta korean on the inside, but the korean sorta part of me, small though it may seem, runs deep.
living in korea helped me know that i am, in fact, korean, and that deep down inside me, when i was a small child learning about the world, i was being taught by only korean people, my birth parents and my birth grandparents.
koreans shaped the foundation of my worldview.
koreanness was my first taste of life.
korea is the water in which i was formed.
and so, i have always been observing usamericans as a korean.
and the thing i can tell you about usamericans is that they are stingy. stingy as fuck.
and so, when i hear about these foreigners (specifically usamericans) who travel to live or "experience" korea, and they complain about how koreans are not friendly or how hard it is to become friends with koreans, i believe you, cause i'd bet big money that you approach the friendship as if koreans should be hosting you, like a foreigner, in their "beautiful homeland."
and so, if you feel like someone korean is being so generous to you, and in return, you invite them to some group party so that you can fill out your numbers, you're the problem. i'm not saying that koreans do not want or do not like to be invited to parties, no, but there are party people and then there are friends. there are work acquaintances, with whom they will gladly party, but they are not friends, cause a friend is a burden, of the best kind, because that means that friend is taking on the burden of you, in return.
and so, this generosity is not so much about out-doing each other as it is about communicating that you are their friend. if you receive a gift from a korean, they are communicating to you that you are someone to whom they want to give a gift. you do not owe them anything in return, and they are not expecting anything in return, but they are hoping that they are someone to whom you want to give a gift. and so, if you want to communicate that they are your friend, you need to show it. and over time, the relationship will grow into whatever it is meant to be, because both of you agree to take on the burden of each other.
friendship is no laughing matter. it is sacrifice. it is sharing. it's acknowledging that you are one of my people, so here's some food. well, food is a bad example, cause, koreans are great sharers, in general, so here are some tickets to an art museum! that's a gift.
do you know what i mean?
and the average usamerican-foreigner is such a one-way street, let's be honest, 롤.
from my pov, it always seemed to me that white-foreigners (this whole thing is only about the white ones, cause i definitely didn't know any not-white ones, but from the looks of it, off socials, they are no different from the white ones, 롤, which is kinda the point i've been trying to make about white/black people in usamerica all along!) seemed like their english-speaking ability was the gift to their korean "friends," as if being accessible to a korean so that they can practice their english was enough of an act of reciprocity.
does that make sense?
all in all, i do know how difficult it is to befriend korea-koreans, but i appreciate this aspect of korean-ness so so much. they have a bar for friendship. they uphold a standard for the titles we impart upon each other. words have meaning. actions have consequences. these are a few of my favorite things. and so, yea, i'm not surprised that white foreigners feel like it's impossible to befriend korean people, because average-white foreigners have no idea what friendship even means or looks like.
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| it was more than we were prepared to spend on this god-given holiday but when the bodybuddy/lifemate saw Ladybug, et al (there are exactly three of them) he knew he was gonna have to pay the price no matter what it was poor guy 롤 |