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| i wasn't even trying &i didn't even notice that i had done it until i was throwing it in the trash ¬iced lol |
29 May 2025
Solo Solace
27 May 2025
buckle up [both literally&figuratively]!; for your own safety&sanity [respectively], i've got some thoughts on some stuff
on Friendship or Why are you talking to me like this?
Prelude
it's best to know how someone defines a word
when that word has many possible interpretations
so just ask
if you don't know
or aren't sure
because to me
being not not-friends does not equal being friends
&i can guarantee you
that my idea of friendship
is not your idea of friendship
so ask better questions
knowing the passcode at the gate does not mean you know me.
it means that you know the passcode.
successfully navigating the lock at the front gate does not mean you're now sitting in my bedroom.
why do you think that i want to play games?
why do you think that i play games?
why do you think that i like people who play games?
either tell me or not, i am not going to waste a drop of my Time trying to guess something about you.
what does it feel like to be so completely, utterly wrong about someone?
why do you think that i want to play games?
why do you think that i play games?
why do you think that i like people who play games?
either tell me or not, i am not going to waste a drop of my Time trying to guess something about you.
what does it feel like to be so completely, utterly wrong about someone?
it's a feeling i will never be able to experience.
these sorts of social instances, ought to make you look inside yourself.
i am not the problem.
you are.
these sorts of social instances, ought to make you look inside yourself.
i am not the problem.
you are.
A Tale of Three Men
Man 1 (a latino)
you move from early-morning to night-crew
he comes up to you after finding out
"Oh, I heard you weaseled your way into night-crew."
weaseled?
you wonder, &then realize
cause he's waiting around to be chosen?!
BAHAHAHAHAHA!
Man 2 (an asian)
Man 2 (an asian)
you have different jobs at different companies, but your jobpaths cross
soon, you learn, they will not cross
he asks for your socials
you lie &say you don't use any
cause you run this website
he shows you his
&you tell him you'll decide
&the look on his face
when you tell him you'll decide
is not a look
that can be bought with money
but you're not sure if he knows you're not-single
(you don't wear a ring at your job, and it does make some of them around here need to know, but you ooze zero availability, and mostly, the men are perceptive of this)
you shoot him down
now you will not cross jobpaths
anymore
he informs
as he suggests exchanging numbers
or at least your website?
&you shoot him down again
&on the last day that he thinks you'll ever cross job paths
(you will likely cross jobpaths, iyo)
he fists bumps you
he fists bumps you
with a really friendly smile
cause he's only ever been really nice
(except that one time he tried to tell you what good kimchi is)
&you decide
Man 3 (a latino)
you receive a letter from a youngster
to whom you reached out a helping hand
while your paths crossed
for a few months
five years ago
&in the letter
it's obvious to you that
he thinks that your batteries are charged by your ego
so he strokes it
&from his perspective
it works
you respond
&then he rings his death bell
&says
in so many words
"I know that you ..."
let me stop you right there
you "know"?
you think that you know me?
why?
you literally do not know where i am living now
you literally do not know how i am called these days
you literally do not know toward what i am striving
cause you asked all of these questions
&you're coming at me
as if my telling you of these things
means you're holding my secrets?
why?
also, you are not a curious person
you literally didn't look up a word you didn't know
&decided to guess instead
because what you really wanted to know
was what I think of you
&that's not curiosity
that's narcissism
p.s. it's "ciao" btw
look. it. up. goddammit!
Never. The. Less.
i will always have a soft spot for the brave
on Notebooks
you never have it when you need it
&you never need it when you have it
on Memoirs (by ppl under sixty, MC excepted)
no
i do not want to read your "book"
*eyeroll*
the only thing you can think to write about
is yourself?
&you're a chef!
&you loathe the idea of a cookbook?
on Kristen Kish
girl, you're in for a big surprise
&it's going to totally suck
that you're already famous
cause the decision
now
is your own emotional well-being
or your career
*eek*
either way
your emotional well-being
or lack thereof
will determine your future
#facts
on Ego
you're not special
cause you "know" someone
*eyeroll*
on Pride
the people who clutch onto their Labels &or Titles
are the MOST INSECURE PEOPLE ON THIS PLANET
you were warned
Yoga Channels about How to Do Yoga
"but why don't you write any tips on blogging?"
why would i blog
about blogging?
You know, that saying ...
if you don't have something nice to say
don't say anything at all?
well
my interpretation is something like
if you don't have something nice to say
(&i'm obviously speaking to face-to-face social human interaction)
why
say anything at all?
some Gen-Z are stupid
because they wonder about things like
"why isn't real life on the internet?"
&they are not wondering in that cool
futuristic way
as if lamenting
that they cannot be plugged into the internet
no
they are wondering why everything online
is content
fake
not real
like
"why does no one show us real life
on the internet!"
&we
millennials
scratch our heads
i assume
as we look at them wondering
are you stupid?
FYI
Musk is Gen X
She's Adorable
you're standing there
looking upon one of the "crazies"
&she walks up right next to you
a little close
not too close
but almost
&she just stands there
next to you
looking at what you're looking at
taking on your posture
&you look at her
from head to toe
smile
&walk away
... but what if you are the color of a brown paper bag?
Soul Sitter
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|
24 May 2025
you were surprised to see that you had something to say so soon ... after three months of crunches and wind sprints, here you are, back in shape ^..^
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On Capturing Gen-Z
There's this either uTube video or Planet Earth or some other nature doc scene, and I cannot remember exactly where I saw it, and so I apologize for being unable to provide proper credit, nevertheless ...
a mommy elephant is a bit panicked cause a baby elephant is trapped in some mud
a few other elephants seem to be concerned, etc., etc., &c.
&then, a grandma elephant charges through
butt bumps the mommy out of the way
dunks her trunk into the mud
&blows the baby free
dunks her trunk into the mud
&blows the baby free
22 May 2025
oh, to be The Giver of the exact right words to the exact right person at exactly the right time
"Shush up," Squirrel shushes.
"Rude," she yawns, as she conjures a new, fat-jay out of thin air.
"No, listen," Squirrel insists.
yea, but to be able to give the exact right words to the exact right person at exactly the right time means that ... [inaudible mumbling] ... you know, everything.
nobody can know all of the right words any given person would ...
They both hear the familiar voice of Ladybug.
"Lady!" they whisper-shout in unison.
&as she and Ladybug appear around the last bend, she and Squirrel see them, shouting, "Lady! We're over here!"
&the two shes lay eyes on each other; Ladybug blinks, &they disappear as they reappear equidistant between Squirrel and Ladybug as one.
"JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!" She screams aloud as She slumps into a heap on the ground.
Ladybug buzzes to her as quickly as he can while Squirrel takes one beautiful, long leap to her side.
She rolls onto her back, eyes wide, arms wide, legs wide.
"I hate you," She sighs.
"I know," Ladybug laments; "I hate me, too."
"&fuck you, Lingerer," She spits.
18 May 2025
a saturday setup + an outing ootd
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| &she's back in filming mode! if you've been around for more than one orbit you know that this modus vivendi rides the Time Tide hard &we're glad to ride this time of high tide |
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| my girl, Sohj has been posting some seriously righteous ootds these days &so motivated by the paralyzing fear of being not-cool do i look cool? |
13 May 2025
w/a surplus of mothers i'd rather not-talk to &a shortage of grandmothers i'd like to talk to [&unable to even dream of a great-grandmother], the reality of the situation is that i'm trying to find my sister
the Adoption Agency finally responded
after a second, follow-up email was sent
that birth-grandmother has no phone on file
&the birth-grandfather's phone on file is not working
&that
"We feel sorry about that"
after a second, follow-up email was sent
that birth-grandmother has no phone on file
&the birth-grandfather's phone on file is not working
&that
"We feel sorry about that"
you respond by asking if you can be given any/all contact information that they have on file
but you remember
that you were adamant
that my birth father
not-contact me
&so
the repercussions of this
might be that birth-grandmother &birth-grandfather
or worse
your sister
thought that they were lumped into this
no-contact situation
the Adoption Agency responded much quicker
years ago
years ago
to a different email
that they did not have any contact information on file
for the biological half-sister about whom the inquiry was sent
that they did not have any contact information on file
for the biological half-sister about whom the inquiry was sent
&so
you've got nothing but a few pics
a name
a two-year age-range
your name
&a family registration number
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| 김선 & 김선미 summer 2005 |
12 May 2025
MAY 2025 | as a subscriber
 |
| this periodical really puts the snail in snail mail *iroll* |
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| i was really hoping that i would get this cover but i honestly couldn't even hope bc i soooo badly did NOT want a certain cover nevertheless this is the cover i wanted cause looooook at that face! fuck the met gala or whateva ugh *drool* on another note i have already decided that i will not be renewing this subscription at the end of this subscription i will probably start shopping single issues around the Embers |
11 May 2025
leave me alone; i'm drowning, in Wins
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| LUCK when Preparation meets Opportunity |
when dealing with uncertainty
times of uncertainty
moments of uncertainty
events of uncertainty
my coping methods have evolved
over a literal lifetime of uncertainty
you have also lived a lifetime of uncertainty
i am not-special
in this way
we are the same
in this way
thus
coping with uncertainty
is really the only way to "deal with it"
there is no
uncertainty going away
there is no
uncertainty disappearing
there is no
amount of money
that can rid your life
of uncertainty
the only tool we have
is mitigation
coping
methods
how do we cope with the uncertainty of life
&the uncertainties of living
sure
there are times when life is more or less uncertain
&these days
certainty is being outweighed by uncertainty
certainly
&so
mitigation
coping
how do we "deal with"
uncertainty?
for me
as an active pursuer of change
my most-prominent coping methods for uncertainty
are photography
writing
manicures
&cooking
i have to be in an extremely stable-feeling situation
for visual art-making
[photography &writing excepted]
but it is only because i have held onto these above things so tightly
during times of uncertainty
that these things have become
certain things
upon which i can rely
for example
when i'm going through bouts of uncertainty
i want to reach for something certain
&there is a growing list of things that i can do
with great certainty
like
taking pictures
aka playing with my camera
writing fiction
aka playing with my characters
crocheting or cross-stitching
aka playing with thread
giving myself a manicure
aka a little priceless self-care
&or cooking
aka playing with food
the above examples of skills i utilize to create certainty in my life
when i'm feeling especially uncertain
have become methods of certainty
over time
these are skills that i've learned and practiced for most of my life
i can count on these skills
to create something
for which i am certain
will come to fruition
&c.
these days
literally
days filled with moment-by-moment uncertainty
&generally speaking
i always have my fridge stocked with ingredients to make either
김치찌개
or 된장찌개
these are two korean foods that i can cook with great certainty
when i accomplish cooking this meal for myself and the bodybuddy/lifemate
it's a victory
a Win
since i've had a camera in my hand for as long as i can remember
thanks to my adopted-father's own love of photography
i also know that i can snap a pretty righteous pic
with absolute certainty
at any place
at any time
another easy Win
since i've been actively calling myself a writer since early 2008
i can also sit down and jot a little work of fiction
with absolute certainty
&Win yet again
my adopted-father's step-mother
when i was about eight years old
&so
when i'm feeling especially energetic
i can turn to these activities
to score another Win
with great certainty
&for a final example
i learned quite a ways back
while shopping at walmart
when i noticed that all of the manicure supplies i see the manicure ladies use
are for sale to the general public
that one could simply
give one's self a manicure
&since it's been about ten years
that i've been doing my own nails
i can now give myself manicures
most certainly
&for free
minus the cost of whatever new nail polish/sticker product i'm into these days
&the cost of cuticle cream (surprisingly expensive)
&nail files (dirt cheap)
especially in times of economic uncertainty
when every penny is being scrutinized
(we scrutinize every penny all the time)
having free or cheap methods of creating certainty surely doesn't hurt
of course
most of these methods do require money
but very little of it
&there are very few recurring expenses
&of the recurring expenses
they are cheap
&so
i originally posted this post with just the photograph
in a defiant petulance that i had nothing to say!
but then i added all this shit
after publishing
cause i feel like
during this time of extreme uncertainty
i know how to cope
&so
my hope
is that you know how
to cope
&if you don't know how to cope
i've outlined how i do it
&if you feel like it's too late to create these methods
that everything you do creates uncertainty
then there's no better time to start creating
methods of certainty
if for no other reason
than your own sanity
may your preparedness
be greeted by opportunity
stay safe out there
06 May 2025
here's the thing that both white&black women seem to not-understand about east-asian women ... as east-asian women (&some south-east asians), we don't need you.
#facts
#notsorryimnotsorry
#youevermetablackpersonwhoassumedyourspecificasianess?
#youevermetablackpersonwhocouldnameanasiancountrythatyoumightbefrom?
#youevermetablackpersonwhothinksasiansknowwhatoppressionis?
#youevermetawhitepersonwhodidntguessthatyouarechinese?
#youevermetawhitepersonwhodidntbowtoyouawkwardlywhenfirstmeeting?
#youevermetablackorwhitepersonwhodoesntexplicitlyappropriatessomeasianculture?
#youevermetablackorwhitepersonwhounderstandsanasianculture?
#youevermetapersonwhodidntwannahavesexwithyou?
04 May 2025
life &living on the long, lonesome lightpath
POWER
is knowing what you CAN
and absolutely CANNOT
control
HONOR
is knowing what you OUGHT
and absolutely OUGHT-NOT
control
after a seven-year spending moratorium on Marvel movies, i begged the bodybuddy/lifemate to see Thunderbolts*, haha!
&it was fantastic
becawoose
the Movie
tackled
of all things
mental health
depression
loneliness
the human reality of being SOCIAL CREATURES
&loneliness is exactly as depicted
a MIND TRAP
'cause all you gotta do
is to BELIEVE
that everyone else is human, too
&that they
are lonely, too
just like you.
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