you're an active dreamer, always have been, &the other night, while dreaming, you were trying to find some figment; you spent your entire sleep searching, &just as you find this figment, you look at her [it was a her] &as you reach your hands out toward her, you say, "I'm suicidal," &your ears snap open to the alarm that awakens you.

for you

it's a soggy feeling

wet

each drop dripping down

like

you even know that this

that

or the other

might even put a smile on your face

but nah

so does that mean you're not-depressed

if you can see the light

but you simply do not want to go over there?

or is it that you cannot?

you just don't want to

you conclude

but why?

it almost seems

as if

refusing to be happy

is making you feel depressed

but is it an active refusal

or is it that you cannot?

you have the dreams

you have the goals

you have

The Pursuit

&so

feeling content

here

in this now

a now you're striving to escape

feels like you've given up

'cause you cannot be happy

satisfied

until you've

what

reached The Summit?

but that seems sad

plus

look at all The Summits

you've had

&so

are you

what's the word

actively punishing yourself

like you're some failure?

or is it that you cannot?