you're an active dreamer, always have been, &the other night, while dreaming, you were trying to find some figment; you spent your entire sleep searching, &just as you find this figment, you look at her [it was a her] &as you reach your hands out toward her, you say, "I'm suicidal," &your ears snap open to the alarm that awakens you.

for you

it's a soggy feeling

wet

each drop dripping down

like

you even know that this

that

or the other

might even put a smile on your face

but nah

so does that mean you're not-depressed

if you can see the light

but you simply do not want to go over there?

or is it that you cannot?

you just don't want to

you conclude

but why?

it almost seems

as if

refusing to be happy

is making you feel depressed

but is it an active refusal

or is it that you cannot?

you have the dreams

you have the goals

you have

The Pursuit

&so

feeling content

here

in this now

a now you're striving to escape

feels like you've given up

'cause you cannot be happy

satisfied

until you've

what

reached The Summit?

but that seems sad

plus

look at all The Summits

you've had

&so

are you

what's the word

actively punishing yourself

like you're some failure?

or is it that you cannot?

CUBE SQUARED* | where everything ends up just as it was

A Table of [potential] Future Contents

☺ she doesn't want to be unique or unusual or even special; she wants to fit in!

but she IS special, goddammit,

&she knows it,

so where's the fucking special-treatment?!

☺ don't worry. 

☺ The Sisyphean Task of Jobbing

☺ The Wage-Laborer's Guide to Empire

☺ Is the argument that the "dandy" is implicitly a reflection of the [white] dandy, and so, the Black Dandy is explicitly-not a "dandy," because "dandyism" is implicitly defined as a [white] dandy? If so, my issue is that, if the "dandy" is charged with whiteness, then why not simply create a new word instead of, essentially, appropriating—whiteness. 

☺ Winning! 

☺ We all know the ending. We're going to die.

☺  I'ma count my money.

☺ For a political bio, this website is a liability, no?

 

can you see him; can you see him?
about once a month
we get to job side-by-side

*[endnote]

[eggplant] &[garlic] pizza w/a [cauliflower] &[asparagus] salad | a 420 din-din

 

eggplant, cauliflower, &garlic
actually went into the oven first
&then the asparagus went in
&it was all cooled
before becoming pizza toppings or salad fixings

Get the oven going ... 400 F

Eggplant

raw dogged on the pan (learned that they should be poked, haha, the bigger one of the three popped ... still delicious)

Garlic

slice off the top of the bulb to reveal the little bulbs inside (see top-right corner of the top-right pic) 

set in a small piece of tin foil

drizzle evoo

wrap up tin foil  

Cauliflower

from frozen

throw into a mixing bowl

toss with evoo, s&p 

make sure the pan is large enough to comfortably fit all of the veg

line with a fresh sheet of parchment

&set all the veg in the pan

once your oven is hot
[ROAST] for 30 minutes

Prep asparagus

trim off tough ends

wash

keep in fridge until roasting time

when the timer goes off

toss cauliflower + flip eggplant

[ROAST] 5 more minutes

Remove [eggplant], [cauliflower], &[garlic] from pan

set aside to cool until cool enough to

set in fridge to chill

Lay a fresh sheet of parchment into the pan

pan the asparagus

drizzle evoo

sprinkle s&p

toss

[ROAST] 10 minutes

Prep lettuce + cucumber

if you have a salad spinner, fill the spinner with water

starting from the tips of the leafy greens

cut off the very tippy tips of the leaves if they need to be trimmed

cut from the tip of the leaves down toward the butt

in about one-&ahalf-to-two-inch (bite-sized) chonks

wash in the filled spinner or in a strainer

set in fridge

wash the cucumber (this cucumber was actually prepped the day before)

really give it a rub

starting from one tip

slice the thing at an angle

in quart-inch slices

to create ovals

make a small stack of ovals

slice the ovals into three long sheaths

set in fridge

when the timer goes off

remove [asparagus] from the oven

set [asparagus] in the bowl with the chilling [cauliflower]
 

after

(uh, yea, the bodybuddy/lifemate had been making a pizza dough this whole time)

the pizza dough is proofed and ready to be made into pizza ...

Make pizza

use [eggplant] &[garlic] as toppings

Make salad

dump lettuce into the bottom of a large bowl (we made one enormo-salad to share)

drizzle evoo

lightly drizzle whichever salad dressing you're using (we used a generic cesar) 

cause the roasted veggies are so tasty without any fluff

fresh-crack pepper (lots)

drop the cucumber over the lettuce

chop up [asparagus] into bite-sized cylinders 

slide the [asparagus] into a heap on the cucumber

spoon the [cauliflower] into a heap on the cucumber

toss

Chee ... eers the fuck is this?!?!

Everything &its multiple angles*

Wendy's is and always has been the best fast food; this is just #facts
&we can all thank the founder, Dave Thomas

Punching UP hurts no one and helps everyone

Using the Library is what's called a "No Lose" Situation

&so, it begins.

Empires fall when The Many rise

C00,000,000,GLER 

Damn, you almost feel sorry for Fuckerberg *sigh*

NOT.

"You sit too far down on 'em charts
To even ask me who's in charge"

[a full them fits more-nicely, in my mind

but love it and am obsessed

nonetheless]

It's the REMEMBERING that's the hardest part.

if you don't know what triggered the Great Depression [tariffs]

look it up [eventho i just told you]

I said, Recession-proof

According to some local article here

Four new Korean restaurants opened here

in Twelve days

Yea, we not flying for some time, now

Yes, it's always an ad, always

"Oh, [my undying love for] Martha"

I slept for Twelve hours

last sleep

"boys mad im not throwing myself at them after 1 compliment [emoji]"

boys mad i don't give a fuck what they think

*is what we call "spin"

First* Fry Day

 

*the first time since relocating here back in 2023

[end note :: &yea, the donuts look a little dark in their final pic, but it is just a result of poor editing as they were fried perfectly by the bodybuddy/lifemate, &the last pic is the chocolate dip/glaze, also whisked up by the bodybuddy/lifemate *sigh*]

Living Local

The two of you inadvertently paid your respects to the Beach Uncle, because your lifestyle took you to there at the time that it took you there, the very first time. Beach Uncle was sitting where he sits, and the two of you, for the first time, walked out toward the beach, and just before your feet hit the sand, you saw him, he you, and we all greeted each other. Moments later, you were feeling the sand of the beach between your toes, and that beach is your home-beach.

For nearly two years, the two of you run by Beach Uncle nearly every time you go for a run, and he greets you, "Good morning," like he does every passerby, and you greet him back, always with your best smile.

One month before the two-year mark of living here, the two of you are out on your run, like you do, and Beach Uncle is sitting where he sits as you run by, 

"Good morning," Beach Uncle greets, as he does.

"Good morning," you wave with a smile,

like you do;

the bodybuddy/lifemate ahead of you,

you cannot hear whatever the bodybuddy/lifemate says to Beach Uncle,

and then Beach Uncle christens you,

"You guys are late this morning," Beach Uncle ribs with a chuckle, and you smile back and shrug.

At the end of the run, out on the rocky ledge, you tell the bodybuddy/lifemate about how you feel as though the Beach Uncle has christened you. 

You feel the responsibility to pass along a few instructions for your Home Beach, especially since you've been seeing/reading a few local headlines about this beach, promoting it as a local hot-spot, and as a person who grew up in an environment of "locals" in a tourist "hot-spot," you loathe the idea of a journalist outing that which ought to only be known by those who reside here, year round, etc., and so, you decide to outline some instructions.

[DISCLAIMER: You do not consider yourself a "local," here, because you weren't born here, but you are a resident, now, and so there are different rules for locals and residents and tourists, and students would be considered residents until/unless you live here long enough to be recognized by locals as a local or you leave only to return as a tourist from time to time, etc.]

On Using "America's Best Urban Beach"

1. If you're a tourist, don't.

a. Yes, you can walk your ass out there and enjoy the place, but don't hunker. It's not your beach. Think of it more like a tourist attraction where you can look upon the locals and residents, etc.

b. If/when walking by, FOLLOW THE RULES; they are posted everywhere; DO NOT FEED THE BIRDS 

2. If you're a new resident, you must greet Beach Uncle before ever stepping foot on the sand.

a. If you don't know who he is, you haven't lived here long enough to use the beach

b. If you don't know where to find him, you haven't lived here long enough to use the beach

c. If you don't know when to find him, you haven't lived here long enough to use the beach 

d. Yes, one of the cats is his friend, so treats probably never hurt

3. Once you reach resident status, you have a responsibility to clean up the "green" fish netting.

a. If you think this substance is seaweed, you are a tourist, see Point 1. 

b. Since Beach Uncle has christened the two of you, the two of you officially feel this responsibility

4. Thank you for taking this seriously. 

if, for whatever reason, you find yourself in that exact moment—sitting at your family's one desktop computer in the living room—when you chose your very first internet identity—an AIM screen-name—you would like to have-chosen Sag4EVA, instead of the screen-name you did choose.

Being fireproof is vital for dragon slaying

so

remember your particular set of Elemental Powers

when choosing which type of boss you'd like to fell

You have deduced most of the parameters of your powers

but it's always never a good idea to share these sorts of details

about one's powers

in public

'cause your enemies are always keeping close tabs on you

"I'm not here for pleasing the men

Not here to reason with them"

If you're wondering why she won't speak about the state of the world

these days

&you think that she has some sort of obligation to explain it all to you

think again

For it is you who have not read this here thing, in its entirety

For she has written

extensively

on the state of the world

she's nearly explained it all

Plus

nobody asks her any specific questions

that they'd like to have explained

etc. 

Dragons work on longer timescales than other aggressors

Thus

the particular difficulty of dragon-slaying

is Time

Can you out-wait

a dragon?

Thus

a time-traveling being

who is fireproof

sorta can't not do some dragon slaying

from time to time

At first

she came in hot

on fire

really

but then you snapped at her

because she was on a rampage

testing every limit

finding every border

reigning herself in

by pushing until she is reprimanded

but she changes

after every reprimand

so much so

that you bought her a bag of popcorn

a new product range that we are to try

but that our bosses are too stingy to buy for us to try

&so

you bought some for them to try

&then

you noticed that the office scissors were missing

&you figured it was one of the new managers

'cause manager turnover

doesn't quite define it

more like

manager overhaul

&so

more patience is on order as all of the new managers

learn about you and your office

&then

literally

minutes after noticing the missing scissors

she comes blasting into your office

talking the entire time

explaining herself

&the scissors

apologetic

&dropping a brand new pair that she bought with her own money

into the shared-utensil holder

&then she was gone

you laugh

&a few days later

of her own volition

she's sitting in your office

telling you everything she thinks that you need to know about her

&you explain to her that you can order all sorts of office supplies for the store

&so

she definitely did not need to spend her own money on the scissors

&you ask her if she needs any jobbing supplies

but what you really know is that she needs some life-ing supplies

&so

you go on with your day

&she clocks out

&later

you decide

that you will supply her with some life-ing supplies

you're in the midst of slaying your very first dragon

&you are not even scared

not even in the slightest

even though

you're pretty sure

you ought to be

*shrug*

you will know when a man loves you

because you know that he loves you

&you know this 

because he will only see the parts of you that he loves

&to him

you are perfect

&you

are baffled

&this is the moment when all of the power of the relationship shifts onto you

entirely

&then

you have to decide

how you will then treat this man

who

undoubtedly

loves you

a man who shows any level of misogyny

is a threat to you

it is only a matter of degree

the reason why misogynists are dangerous to your bodily well-being

mind-health included

is because misogynists have different rules for men and women

For instance

there is a (white) man

here in hawaii

who believes that

because he thinks that his wife cheated on him

she should die

if he cheated on her

the punishment would not exist

because he would not believe that he did anything wrong

if you do not understand that this is the way that the powerful remain powerful

and the powerless

powerless

then you're probably living paycheck to paycheck

For

if you understood that recessions

are the way to keep the powerless

powerless

then you are a millennial

who learned nothing

from the recession

that greeted all of us

at the doorstep of adulthood

ALL MILLENNIALS OUGHT TO BE RECESSION-PROOF

gen z members who bet on the internet

will not succeed

to the extent that gen z members

who joined the job force

so early that

they are

now

twenty-something managers

will succeed

&that's 100%

totally fair

not that gen z cannot have some sort of internet presence

you must have some sort of internet presence

there are ways to learn

without living the lessons

but this way of learning

gives rise to doubt about whatever the Truth

actually is

&so

since you will inevitably search for the Truth

you might as well do it from the start