&So, I'm having a hard time these days with the whole idea of ethnicity, race, nationality, etc.
I mean, we're all of the Human Race.
Yes, we are obviously all born somewhere, and that place has a name, and you are a people of that place.
&Yes, obviously, we all look a little different on the outside, because we are all evolved from ancestors who evolved to survive wherever they were in the world.
This is all very simple, intellectually, &yet, so many people (not just the whites) are so ignorant when it comes to having a global perspective on global platforms, like, say, social media.
Thus, I've come to this very seemingly-racist place where I'm going to describe/outline the three types of Koreans with which I have had very little interaction. I basically know nothing about the other two-types of Koreans, in the title [i changed the title, but the original title was something like, "Korea-Koreans, Korean-Americans (as opposed to Korean-Europeans, cause i know none) &Korean-Adoptees (from the perspective of a Korean-Adoptee w/a bit 'o Korean-American since i was adopted to these united states, as opposed to europe, etc.)], for reasons that I will outline, below, obviously.
All of this is self-observed conjecture.
I've told some stories, already, about my experiences living in Korea as a Korean-Adoptee life-mated to the bodybuddy/lifemate who is not-Korean, but this is not that, either. This is something mean. This is the heavily-biased type of writing that people who are ignorant peddle.
After a week that ended in the strangest, yet most-typical way ever, I am in. a. mood. Just skip this post if you're sensitive. Report me if you must; I'm not sure to whom you would report me, and I'd love the traffic on socials, if you totally hate it, etc. Also, it's my adopted father's birthday soon, but we are not on speaking terms. Not only that, but my adoption day is on the horizon, so yea, there's a lot on my mind with regards to my Korean-ness.
My recommendation ::
I'm Mutable FIRE. Treat accordingly, or don't. You were warned, though.
Hmmm...where to begin...
Alright, I took a little break, cause I was getting a bit worked up, and I'm hungry, a bit drunchie, and so, I whipped up some 된장찌개, and if I posted a pic of it, Korea-Koreans would ridicule me for whatever I did "wrong" and call me fat. Korean-Americans would side eye me and judge me on my lack of makeup or something; they don't really interact with me, historically speaking, except that one boyfriend I had in college, so I'm not really gonna write much about them, cause if I'm being real honest, I only really "know of them" through K-Beauty videos, lol. And Korean-Adoptees wouldn't know what I'm talking about, lol, jk, this is a joke.
While living in Seoul, while temp-teaching at an english academy, the Korea-Korean teachers whisper-ridiculed and mocked a fellow Korea-Korean Teacher's 떡볶이, cause she added hot dogs to it.
One time, when I was living in Seoul [Aug 2013-Aug 2018], I had this acquaintance from the english academy at which I temp-taught (for month-long summer/winter intensives) and substitute-taught (covering vacations, etc.), and we were friendly. She was also married to a non-Korean man, so we recognized that in each other, and we attempted a few couple's hang outs, but sometimes the speed/pace of life doesn't match up well enough to make things work smoothly enough to make it worth it, etc. If I ever see her again in person, I'd have no other option than to call her a friend. Anyway, one day she came up to me because she wanted to specifically talk to me to get a sense of how to deal with a problem between her and her husband, and since I am also married to a non-Korean, she thought I could help, give her some insight into her problem, and perhaps, help her see things from her non-Korean husband's point of view, etc.
"If I go to my Korean friends, they will all tell me to divorce him," she explained to me when I asked why she wanted my input, so specifically.
In a Korean classroom full of Korea-Korean students learning english, a Korea-Korean student looks horrifically confused at her english teacher when the teacher explains that the term "goody-goody" in a western context is "bad," socially. The Korean-American feels the pressure of their asianness and either embraces or rebels against the stereotypes. The Korean-Adoptee looks confused when some white person asks them what type of asian they are, "Am I asian?" they ask.
If you've ever taught english at an english academy in Seoul, then you should know that it's a tough job, emotionally. By first grade, you can already see it all over the faces of the kids who know that they are already a disappointment. By First Grade, they have already been labeled and sorted. It's devastating to behold in real time. By high school, the top performers are Untouchable, the bottom performers The Untouchables.
Korean-Americans seem bothered by the stereotype that "asians are smart," etc.
My Korean-Adopted older brother and I were, exceptional. I know this now. I didn't know it then. We fit our racially-stereotypical mold. In essence, we got lucky, socially. We didn't have whatever would be considered the "usual" experience. He graduated at the literal top of his class. I graduated very near the top (but my ass-backward little rural town didn't utilize a weighted GPA, so it becomes difficult to compare one B+ in required spanish to the straight A's i earned through off-campus classes, etc.; yea, i'm bitter, duh. who wouldn't be?)
What I also didn't know was that people assumed that we were intelligent because we were asian, and I obviously didn't know how that affected other asians who were less willing to obey. Yes, I chalk up my "success" as my willingness to obey. I'm nothing special. Some personalities desire to please others more than others. I, obviously, fell into the camp of, "This is what I'm being told to do. So I'm doing it." And then I hit puberty, obviously, lol, jk, then I went to college, and the overt racism I experienced there I couldn't even pinpoint as racism. I was so sheltered that I didn't even know that I was being treated the way I was being treated because of my race. It hit me like a quarter-life crisis at the tender age of twenty. Understanding what hit me wouldn't come for another decade.
Some Korea-Koreans go out of their way to make sure that other Korea-Koreans feel like outcasts. What hope is there for the rest of us? Korean-Americans complain that they have "nowhere," cause they're not "american-enough" to be american and they're not "korean-enough" to be Korean. SHUT THE FUCK UP. You have your home; the Korean home you grew up in with your Korean family. Go fuck yourself, little bickering whiners. Korean-Adoptees do not complain so much that they have no home, because they know it, deep down inside; there's no need to bicker, because the Truth is true. Rejected in Korea by Korea-Koreans themselves, cause, obviously, it shouldn't be assumed that we speak Korean if we were shipped off to some other white country, like, you a moron? Rejected in these united states for, well, obviously, america grapples with some seriously racist shit, well, no, no, they don't, they sweep it under the rug until it becomes such a problem that they cannot hide so, they address it by saying it's not happening, etc.
Korea-Koreans are nearly extinct. Older Korean-Americans are some serious BAMFs. Younger Korean-Americans are wimpy. Korean-Adoptees are underestimated.
Literally. Korea-Koreans aren't going to make it to the future. Korean-Americans are part of the whole "Stop Asian Hate" whosawhatsits. "Stop Asian Hate" really? In a whiny little bitch voice, "Stop it, guys! Stop it. Stop Asian Hate. Like, stop it! Knock it off." BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You don't understand white people, facts. Korean-Adoptees are popping up outta nowhere. Keep it up, Bitches. You are the definition of special. There are literally, a countable number of us. We are part of an exclusive club that nobody else could ever hope to be part of. Welcome. Enjoy. Take whatever the fuck you want from this life! Give nothing in return, unless you want to. Walk this Earth as if you're literally part of an exclusive group of people that can literally be counted, documented, proven. I know it goes against every part of your being, the being that you're convinced is "just an orphan." Knock it off! Realize your Truth, The Truth. Your existence is exclusive.
I used to be burdened by this idea that I owed the world something, that like, because I was an orphan who was given a second chance, who won a sort of lottery, that it was somehow my duty to repay the world or the people responsible for my "luck."
After living in Seoul for five years, the bodybuddy/lifemate and I decided to leave, cause like, the fellow english teachers who were moving there were just gross; we were adults, so like, no, we don't want to go watch you drown your sorrows and problems in soju. During the last few months, we did the things we thought we'd miss the most, and we really tried to soak up the things we loved about Seoul/Korea, etc. During this time I setup a meeting with my birth mother through my adoption agency, Eastern Social Welfare Society, to see her one time before I left the country. I already felt bad, because we had lived there for so long by then, and I hadn't reached out until now, and I was leaving. I almost felt guilty.
The day arrived, and unless you've experienced this particular experience yourself, there's little to no need for me to outline the emotional toll this sort of experience takes on a person for many days leading up to the event and many days after, so I will not expose this sort of experience to you strangers.
She gave me a really beautiful necklace, and if the bodybuddy/lifemate hadn't already given me the necklace for which we had been searching to be part of my "everyday look," I would be wearing her necklace as that necklace. But, the Time Tide knows all things. My point is actually more about how I had been contemplating whether or not to bring her something, cause, like aforementioned, I used to grapple with what I "owed" this world, etc. I decided against bringing anything, mostly because I didn't know what to bring. She has given me gifts every time I've seen her. And they have always been very age-appropriate. But since I do not know the woman, I do not know if she's giving me gifts she thinks I'll like or gifts that she likes herself. I'm not wracked with curiosity about it, so I haven't asked. I don't really have very many questions for her. I know the story, and she is the main character victim. But I also just don't know her, and honestly, it's hard for me to muster the care.
My birth mother is obviously, Korea-Korean, and she was born to Korea-Koreans who deemed my Korea-Korean birth father "worthless" after a motorcycle accident left him unable to hold down a job. Her Korea-Korean parents kidnapped her, and my birth father's Korea-Korean parents took us in, and my birth father never saw my birth mother ever again. They live about two hours away from each other, and they don't even know it. &Yes, I've heard this story from both sides of my birth family.
To Korea-Koreans, I am somehow, not-Korean Enough? What a harmful lie I used to absorb.
And now, I understand that it is I who is owed. Interact with me this way, or hit the highway. I don't have to do fucking shit for no one and nobody. I'm a Korean-Mother-Fucking-Adoptee. I live and exist in Limbo. You can try to join us Here, but there is no way to get Here except through the hellfire that ONLY WE have survived.
We are everything.
We are everywhere.
We are Free.
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| it's interesting how my "bad fortune" ended up turning into a U.S. Passport Korea-Koreans try their damndest to keep us on the "outside" by not-accepting us but the joke's on them cause WE ARE the ones with the Power of Options Korea-Koreans obviously reject us cause what they really want is to be us *Sail On* |
