31 March 2024

'TRANS-RACIAL' or TRANSRACIAL (but this way will alert spell check of an error) from my Point of View (cause, like, this is my fucking blog; why would you assume i'm speaking as anyone other than myself? huh?)


"I know that I look Korean to you, or probably, more like 'Asian,' but you're not quite sure from where, specifically, so probably Chinese, but I am very, very, very white on the inside, because white people raised me."

Corrective action may or may not be taken. Either way, the insides don't really match the outsides in the way that one, who is not them, might perceive of them. 

Most are acutely aware of how stereotypes work. 

All have a heightened sense of awareness with regards to identity.

Yes, racism is real. 

&Yes, white people are very aware of the fact that racism exists; why else would I "need" such a white name? To ease my suffering. 

I'd also like to declare the International Transgender Day of Visibility a day that also sees those of us who are Transracial, since, as two separate groups, we will never make up a 'majority,' etc.

The purpose of sharing our pain is not so that we can all participate in the Victim Olympics.

The purpose of sharing our pain is so that we can let others hear that we understand the pain that we're suffering.

I read a thread on Threads by a (fellow transracial [my identifier, not theirs]) "black girl", adopted to white parents, who shared how she heard the n-word in country music that blared out of the vehicles of her 99%-white rural town. Hannah Matthews doesn't specifically describe the experience as pain, and she goes on to explain that Beyoncé's new album is changing the way that she experiences country music. That's a miracle. 

I replied by sharing one of my own transracial experiences as a korean woman adopted to white parents who also grew up in a very white, rural area.

The shared experience that Hannah Matthews shared helped me to feel less alone, and so, I shared my experience in hopes of helping her feel less alone.

And then, all of this (happening as i write) made me have a think about what it means to be "transgender" (i use quotes here to identify the sexual orientation as a term being thrown around within and throughout society these days), on this International Transgender Day of Visibility. 

I currently do not know anyone (that i know of) who identifies as transgender. I do know, however, about a friend from my childhood who was labelled one gender and who now identifies as another. 

Nevertheless, I do not identify as transgender, and I do not know anything about what it is/means to be transgender from personal experience, except through one person who was once a childhood friend but with whom I've had zero contact since ... grade school. 

We were children. As students of a teeny, tiny, private christian school (like, that crazy kind, the kind wherein girls must wear a dress on chapel wednesdays, who also must attend a "godly woman" class wherein we learn how to be "proper" women who have pretty hair, clothes, and nails, etc.) from grades six through ten (i left for the public school to finish out my junior and senior years of high school), it was abundantly clear that my friend did not identify with the way they were "supposed to" present themselves. This was VERY obvious. It was painful. By the time we entered seventh grade, I was figuring it out, and so, I started to call them by a different gender-specific name, and they seemed to like it. I received a nickname of my own from this friend, and then, we started calling each other these new names. But it was all just a joke, out in the open. Nothing serious. Nothing crazy. 

The thing about it, though, now, today, in my life as an aging millennial, nearly aged out of my youth, is that maybe this friend could see that I was also not named appropriately, based off of my obvious race, that differed GREATLY from everyone else's. 

My white name is Tiffany. BAHAHAHAHA! Can you believe it. My white-ass parents named me Tiffany and then threw my birth name in the middle. Tiffany Kim Sun Camas. Sure, I know other asian Tiffanys, but the thing is that I already had a name. I arrived in These United States two months before my fourth birthday, which means that I had been being called Sun, 선 (as in the fucking sun, not all asianlike, soon or sohn *barf*), for the entirety of my nearly four years of life. And then, all of the sudden, my white family either needed to make me theirs or they needed so desperately to make sure that I would "fit in," so they gave me some seriously-white-ass name. *vomits* (supposedly, my brother [also an adopted korean] chose my name, but the fact is that my name should've never come up as needing to be changed.)

Thus, perhaps my transgender friend also saw that my name did not fit my identity, just like I saw that their name did not fit their identity. 

We saw each other. 

But we ought not utter a peep about what we knew, out loud. To do so by them would be to make them racist. To do so by me would make me sexist and cruel.

Even in grade school, we were keen enough to be able to see that something wasn't adding up. And I miss that friend a lot. I always have. They gave me the greatest nickname I've ever been given. 

To see and be seen. What else is there to this life but this?

That desperation to be seen.

What else could it be but to be human, to socialize, to interact with our fellow humans?

But the sharing of one's experiences, one's pain is too oftentimes labelled as selfish, an expression of the ego wanting to compete in the Victim Olympics. The reality is that we all suffer pain. Some is more nuanced than others, and some is objectively more terrible than others, nevertheless, everyone's pain is painful to them. And so, to mock the expression of pain is to mock the very essence of being human. 

We are the cause of each other's suffering. 


Why do we do this to ourselves when we could be the cause of each other's euphoria? 

It's idiotic. It's moronic. It's truly counterintuitive. 

Do I agree with all of the arguments for transgender identities? Absolutely not. Do I fundamentally believe that there is obviously a biological difference between sexes. Yes, and it's a spectrum. But sexual orientation and gender are not the same thing. And since so few people seem willing to openly discuss these sorts of things (as they seem to be relegated to "conference-like" meetings wherein the non-believers are supposed to simply become enlightened, etc.) everything ends up sounding like hate. When maybe, the issue is that we're not taught to feel very many emotions beyond "happy" and "sad," "love" and "hate," cause being confused can rile a feeling that feels very similar to hate if you don't know how else to name the feelings you feel when you feel confused.

Identifying one's feelings requires practice. 

Like all things. 

If we refuse to feel, we refuse to be human.

And if we do not have the patience to teach each other how to feel, what are we teaching each other?

Happy International Transgender and Transracial Day of Visibility. Cheers to the weirdos!  

28 March 2024

misogorny (misogyny + horny [as in 'me so horny']) :: the specific type of misogyny that men exercise on women of specifically East-Asian descent, because, really, there is no specific type of misogyny when considering that men who peddle misogyny are also subscribing to the idea that stereotypes are, across-the-board, true, etc.

I saw some porn montage, a long time ago (not that I don't watch porn, now), wherein some guy sticks his fingers inside of various different shades of women and as he (supposedly) removes his fingers from each woman's pussy, his fingers are covered in something that stereotypically represents the woman's race.

To think that there's some special, very specific type of misogyny for one specific race of women is narcissistic, at best, racist, at face value.

Thus, I'd like to expand "misogynoir" into the very specific type of misogyny that asian women experience from black men.

Because for a group that insists on teaching us all that Racism exists, yet the idea of it is "not real" because some crusty old whites made it all up, they really are full of ... racist language. It's like how hate against jews has its own, very specific label, while all other hate is lesser hate, at best, &not real hate, in their minds. 

27 March 2024

On Not Having Enough Time to Satisfy My Own Ego

What did people used to do with their time? Work. Work the fields, work the forest, work the hunt, work the fire, work the shelter, work to survive, twenty-four hours a day, three hundred and sixty-five days a year, year after year, until that one bad year decimates your community, &or until you die, like everyone else who has ever lived died.

And now, the modern human bitches, endlessly, about how spending a very-tight eight hours a day, five days per seven-day week, is unethical? That living beyond one's means is the fault of the one who distributes the pay. Understanding that you're a slave, yet you do nothing, economically, to attempt/buy your own freedom. Instead, you spend the only thing that can save you. You take your pay and immediately shovel that money back into the companies that supposedly pay you so poorly. For what? Social clout on your swamp socials?

I do not understand this world in which we currently live. 

And then I realize that people never had "extra time" to "burn."

Or did they? And what would they do with that time back in ancient history? Hard to say. Nobody really wrote things down until we started writing things down, so human history is murky, at best, lost, in reality. 

Have you ever heard someone say something to the effect of, "Yea, I've got an hour to burn." Literally, this person has so much time on their hands, that yes, they can effectively do nothing of any true or perceived value for ONE WHOLE HOUR or ten minutes or days, depending on the experience you've had with this particular way that humans are. Like having so much money that you can literally burn some of it without feeling pain, they can figuratively burn TIME. 

This is the modern* human.

We, as modern humans of These United Colonies of Elitism, have time, aplenty, on our hands. The ways in which we spend that time matters more than how much of it we have. And the way (note: singular) in which we, as a society, spend that time, is on social media. Literally, we spend most of our time alone, watching other people. Imagine how this would work out in humanity's past. It wouldn't really, because to have other people in your sights meant that those people were physically in your presence, so there was no "I'm watching you while you're not seeing me," sorta experience. If I'm seeing you see me, you're seeing me see you see me. I'm not talking about whatever perverts existed back in ancient history who wanted to spy on others, etc. 

There's nothing more isolating than seeing without being seen.

Not to mention how much time we all spend looking at ourselves, being obsessed with our image, our brand, our personality, the way we come off through a screen, to a stranger, the voyeur who watches without engaging or wanting you to know that they're even there, watching, like a fucking freak. These are weird fucking times in which we are currently living, as a very social species that requires social connection. We require social mingling so much, in fact, that you are deemed "abnormal" when you are not socialized "well," etc.

My theory is that most of us feel like we don't have enough time, because what we want is to think about ourselves, all the time, and since we have to job and do dishes and clean poop (not me, obviously, the idea of cleaning poop is why I don't have kids or a dog) we are deprived of time to roll around in our own egos (i.e., swamp in our socials), because we want to roll around in that catnip all day long and give our egos a nice long stroke. And so, for some of us, some days leave us with zero time for an ego toke. Other days, when we are oh-so free and have an entire day to ourselves or an hour to burn, what do we do? We spend all that "free time" in our social swamps, making content for the swamp, ingesting the swamp.

And our socials are completely digital! A figment.

And the psychological crunch is weeding out those who cannot evolve fast enough to keep up with these Tech Times. 

And it's sad that the evolution of humanity depends on one's ability to no longer need physical human social connection and that to do so well comes with financial rewards, The Hollows, aka influencing.

It's been a long time since I wondered what was wrong with the world. It's so obvious from where the harm stems, and yet, to do anything about it would be disastrous (for other people, not me, cause not a penny of my financial well being stems from social media), in a wholly different way. 

To suffer the crime or awaken through the punishment. Is that the question? 

*again, this piece is not about everything, as it is specifically about the economic class that These United Colonies of Elitism deems the ever-shrinking "middle." 

24 March 2024

Charcuterie, Bored

&Remembering that "Illness is not a metaphor." A sound piece of wisdom I first encountered through Susan Sontag and is a tough idea to shake, and if you don't understand what it means to remember that "illiness is not a metaphor" (like I did when I first encountered it), I've become to understand it as the way that humans who believe in a specific sorta way of human existence wherein there's a "heaven" and a "hell" and that some Being is judging them by their actions here on Earth, which means that if you suffer an illness, of the body or mind, this is somehow some sort of punishment upon the "sinner," etc. If I'm wrong, in my interpretation, please inform, or point me in the right direction, and I will read some book about it. Thanks.

&Wondering why my face skin is, all of the sudden (as opposed to back when we first drastically changed our everyday living environment when we moved from the dry mountains to the moist seaside), not liking the climate. I think it's a combination of my jobplace mask-wearing and the general oilierness of my skin, in general, in this climate. I am curious, though, about why the shortened "combo" for combination is not "combi," which would make more sense, in my mind, but whatever. 

&Realizing that I absolutely cannot get over that brown, turned grey, turned back into dark dark brown strand of hair! It's taped up on a door, cause, What the fuck?! The other thing about the strand of hair is that it's curly where it's grey and for two more curls where it turns back to the dark dark brown, and then it's jet straight all the way to the root. Like seriously, what. the. fuck.

&Wanting to write a lot more fiction. The Listmaker, the character about whom Book III is titled (The Listmaker's Ranch), remains elusive. A lot of the other characters are becoming impatient, and I can hear the impatience in Ladybug's voice nearly every day. Ladybug, in particular, grows impatient when I am obligated to other (menial) tasks that require my brain power, leaving less brain power for the writing of the things that need to be written, etc. 

&Ladybug thinks that this is all a stupid fucking sham, anyway. Cause like, the reality of the situation is that "the few" must do what "the masses" demand, like always, cause like, at the end of the day, the death of "the few" comes at the hands of "the masses" when "the masses" become The Mob. Mob Rule to kill them all. Imagine that. Being ruled by "the masses"! Imagine it! Omffingg. Like, that is one Living Hellscape. *shivers*

&Fantasizing about the British Royal Family's final act upon their inevitable death (as an institution, like relax) being something about how they donate tons and tons of money to the research of cancer, and it is, thusly, because of them that humanity cures itself of cancer! BAHAHAHAHA! A girl can dream. *vomits* Wouldn't that be something, though?

&Great salads require a lot of prep work. You will know you're in "great salad" territory if the preparation of the salad stuffs takes ten times the amount of time it does to eat the salad. 

&Embarking on a loop that will take us through our fave musubi cafe, Daiso, and the bita shop. The weather continues to bring rain, when what we want is a sunny summery beach day. Winter is real here.

&Yea, it's just like really pretentious. 

&Feeling a little freer every day.

&Reminding myself, as often as I think of it, that if it takes my entire lifetime to become and, thusly, be the person toward whom I'm striving, then, like, that's sorta the point, no?

&Singing, "I ran out of tears when I was eighteen," cause old school The Weeknd was ... something else.

&Ladybug finds it very confusing that The Listmaker, someone about whom I know very little (according to Ladybug), would headline Book III, cause like, if I knew The Listmaker, I wouldn't waste my time making "that guy" the main course, "if you know what I mean," Ladybug explains. To which I question why Ladybug cares at all about who the protagonist or subject of the book is or will be? And Ladybug scoffs. Obviously, Ladybug is jealous that I am not writing an entire book about Ladybug. Obviously. And part of me wonders why I am not writing an entire book about Ladybug, but then I remember that the point of Ladybug is to be pointless, and yet, Ladybug is oftentimes the catalyst for spacetime travel, etc. It is because Ladybug has arrived that anything ever happens, really. There are a lot of ladybugs on The Listmaker's Ranch, and Ladybug knows this. Perhaps Ladybug is frightened of my poking around at what it means to be a ladybug, what it means to be Ladybug. Like when the panda in Kung Fu Panda 3 wonders, "Am I the son of a panda? The son of a goose?" Life's greatest challenge is "to know thy self." Man, I've been watching a lot of movies lately. But not too many. Maybe Ladybug doesn't want to go there.

&Intriguing nonsense about how to turn the LOPSIII model into a story-like metaphor, etc. The bodybuddy/lifemate thinks it can be done. I am less optimistic, because the idea is not exciting. The idea is much more suited to a textbook, but I understand what/that the bodybuddy/lifemate wants to do/do it.

&Now we're off on our loop cause everything's finally open.

&Having trod the loop, I wasn't hungry for musubi on the way out, so we went straight to Daiso, and while we were at Daiso, I remembered that it was B&N that I needed to go to, cause like, I've been in desperate need of a new notebook, but I've been procrastinating/not that desperate cause my whole job situation has been very demanding, but now it's leveled out etc., and so, after swinging through the bita shop, we went to B&N, and it wasn't even open yet! So, we went upstairs, because we needed to burn exactly ten minutes, the perfect amount of time to grab musubi! 

&Feeling the pressure of that new-notebook feeling wherein I deeply ponder what first thing to write in it. Probably something about Ladybug, for Ladybug's sake. *shit*

&Becoming hungry.

&Shouting, "Yes," to the bodybuddy/lifemate, "and can I also have a slice of cake!," a slice of chocolate cranberry fudge cake that he made last night from the recipe off a can of cranberry sauce that was sitting on the "free stuff" table in the laundry room for which he realized he already had all of the ingredients. *drool*

18 March 2024

On Day Trips


my posts about our move from Longmont, CO, USA to Honolulu, HI, USA have been trending every day for a few weeks now, &I've suspected that they're trending because we flew Alaska Airlines, and the video embedded in the second of two posts has hashtagalaskaairlines in its title *yikes*


When an older post trends on this site, I, typically, go check it out, because I, typically, forget the details/specifics of a post once it starts getting crusty, etc. Thus, our "Moving Day" posts are trending on my site, and they have been for a few weeks, and my theory is that maybe my posts are coming up in searches for/about Alaska Airlines. That being said, it is the first of the two posts that is trending this week, and that post does not mention Alaska Airlines at all, in its title or its description. 


None of the above is really my point, because my point is that my bodybuddy/lifemate and I look really fucking good when we travel, and I've not really noticed until now, and it's not because we haven't looked good until now, because we have, but for some reason (the fact that this was a move and not a trip), I am only now realizing how good we must look when we travel. 

Not to brag (really, I'm not bragging, there are a lot of people far more well-traveled than I, but I have traveled a lot for the "average" person, *blech*) but I travel a lot, and as a unit, we(thebodybuddy/lifemate&i)'ve traveled/moved quite a lot. We've traveled &or moved by plane, boat, train, bus, lightrail, subway, monrail, small car, large car, cross country and across countries. We did not used to look good when traveling. We looked poor and gross. But then we learned a few things, and figured out other stuff, and by the time we took our first vacation while living in Seoul, we were looking like serious stuff. Not as serious as that one Korean man we saw walking through Incheon, who walked like one serious. serious. serious. fucking. mothafucking. fucking. fucking. bad. ass. mother-fucker. And he had two young adult "boys" (I, personally, think that any Korean man under the age of fifty looks boyish) at each of his shoulders, behind him, and they parted the sea of people as they strutted through that airport in a perfect triangle of power. It was basically the most amazing thing I've seen in an airport, in my life, thus far. Like, it is my life's goal to look just like that guy someday. *yuh-mee*

My point is that it's nearly impossible to look good while traveling for the first time. It requires practice, like all things. The reason why it's so difficult to "look good" while traveling is because most people do not travel enough to get good practice. Some people, obviously, are more organized than others, and so, will adapt much quicker to the world of travel. Some people will travel more than any could hope to dream and will continue to be totally disheveled. It's whatever.

I've always wanted to be good at traveling.

I started young, and I remember the way that some women would just look while gliding through the airport. They looked like they had it all figured out, this travel thing. I always felt hot and dirty, and I always, always, had way too much shit. Always. All I wanted was to be one of those beautiful women, gliding through the airport with one simple carry on and one simple purse/bag. No shopping bags filled with extra stuff collected who knows where or how. No trash strewn from the top of a tote that's threatening to discard all of its contents all over the floor. No digging all desperate through my bag, melting down at the ticket counter, because, "I know it was in here!"

It was never my goal to look good while traveling. 

My goal was always to be good at traveling.

And the best place to really get good at traveling is in a really big city. 

The city in which we were "travel trained" was Seoul. As an adopted Korean, I could live and job in the country with an F4 Visa. This was back in 2013-2018, and so, no, I don't know if/how its changed since we left, because from now on, we will simply stay in country for the amount of time our passports allow sans visas. The bodybuddy/lifemate was sponsored by his employer, a private English academy called ECC.

Really big cities require you to traverse them with competence. If you do not, you will find yourself lost very quickly. And getting lost, for the budget conscious, can be very expensive, because sometimes it means that maybe you have to pay for a cab all the way to wherever it is you're trying to go, if you can't figure it out by cheap subway/bus. 

Navigating a really big city is like taking tiny little trips every day. It can be a whole thing to go from one side of the city to the other for the day. Really big cities also have very different parts of the city, and so, you sometimes have to travel to a very specific part of the city to acquire a very specific thing you want to acquire. In essence, you get a lot of practice traveling from place to place within a very defined space. And since most really big cities have public transportation, you learn how various time tables and routes work together (or don't, boo.).

In really big cities, you can take a tiny trip as often as you like, and when you take tiny trips, trips that maybe take you hours away from your home location, and if you don't have a car, like we don't, you kind of have to pack for a whole day. Day trips are hard to pack for, but what is an international flight day but the best day trip? When you fly internationally, you're packing for the trip trip but also sort of packing for a whole day spent between beds on the outgoing/incoming travel days. And so, all of the day tripping practice that a really big city provides is the perfect amount of practice time because that amount of time is a typical international flight day. 

What are international flight days other than long day trips at the bookends of a full-trip trip?

Which brings me to the first trip wherein I'm fairly confident we looked pretty good, cause we were getting pretty good at this thing called travel. Vancouver, BC. That travel day was the best travel day, on record, to this day. We left Seoul early in the morning, flew for ten hours, and when we landed in Vancouver, it was only like noon on the same day (I can't look up the specifics in the travel notebook at this time. I went into my job late and left early cause I'm feeling like shit from something we ate over the weekend, so I'm not up for a deep dive from that trip, at this time. Perhaps another opportunity will present itself in the future from now). Flight went perfectly, our new luggage worked perfectly, our first foray into AirBnbingit worked perfectly, the location of our ABnb and the Bnb itself was perfect, our first slice of pizza was perfect, and the weather was perfect, and every fucking little thing was absolutely perfect. 

We even met a friend who was willing/able to purchase us some vitamins, and then we sat in a park overlooking some water as the sun set and created this perfect sliver slice of sunlight across the grass that made its way all the way through the park until, at last, it was night, and so, we hunted down a grocery store and stumbled into Urban Fare (the best grocery store of all grocery stores), bought up charcuterie stuffs, stopped for froyo on the way back to the Bnb, and smeezed some bita and slept like happy little babies until I awoke at 0500, at which point, the bb/lm strolled sleepy-eyed into the kitchen, and I was like, "What the fuck?," and he was like, "What the fuck?," and I was like, "Why are you up?," to which he responded, "You're up." And I was like, "But I just got up for a minute," and then we decided to stay up, take our vitamins, and when he asked me what I wanted to do, I said, "I wanna watch The Lego Movie," like a demanding infant that the bb/lm took as a challenge, and so, he turned on the Bnb-provided Xbox and logged onto the Bnb-provided Netflix account, and we watched The Lego Movie, until we got hungry and went out looking for breakfast, at which point, we found a place called Breka Bakery & Café, and it was the best breakfast we had ever had. And that was literally the first twenty-four hours!

For me, the most important thing you can learn from day-tripping (without a car!) is how little you actually need to get through one day. It's liberating. I used to pack way too much, in general, for month-long trips, and even for like a week-long trip. Day trips can really help to put into perspective exactly what you need and what you definitely don't. In the context of a day trip, you're not in a survival state. You are, however, exposing yourself to the elements of an entire day away from/between homes. There are some things that you are going to be really happy you packed. There are going to be other things that are going to weigh you down the entire day, and you never even used it once! But it's the learning of a thing that we call practice. You're simply going through the motions over and over again, and with every try, you're learning something new about the thing and about yourself.

And so, it is in my opinion that day trips are a really important skill to have in this day&age. 

A day trip's amount of time away from home (and without a car!) teaches you a lot of things that are not threatening to your survival. Day trips can teach you about how to thrive. The metaphor of carrying around what you need for a day can really inspire you to whittle down the amount of stuff you have, in general. If you can learn to be comfortable with less on a day's long outing, maybe you'll start to feel comfortable with less on a day-to-day basis. And maybe, eventually, you start to feel uncomfortable with how much shit is just like, Why is there so much crap in this house?! 

On a side note, Remember, you traded real money for all of that shit that's just taking up space in your home. Save yourself the hassle. The next time you want to spend money on some stupid shit on the internet, just go flush the money down the toilet. It's the same feeling you'll have when you realize that you haven't even used that piece of shit, so you use it once, and it breaks, so you throw it away. 

Day Trips. They can change your life, because they change your perspective.

14 March 2024

When One Becomes Two

our ivory coast has been so vigorously growing
it tipped over &nearly ejected itself from its pot.
i even knew (read: read about)
the ivory coast needs to be pruned.
&now, what i knew
i, now, understand.
&i was thrilled to find out
there are, in fact, two root systems; so, naturally,
we split them.
the larger of the two consists of
the two largest, youngest stems, w/a third spear on its way in,
the smaller,
two stems, one of which is on its way out,
w/no new spearling in sight,

07 March 2024

ELITISM is Humanity's Greatest Crime Against Itself.

The greatest flaw in the Declaration of The United Colonies of America's Independence is that, in fact, all men are not created equal, because all humans are born in unequal circumstances with unequal physical/mental/psychological abilities. 

When you're born, you are born to human people (one assumes in this particular day&age). Those human people are living in a particular set of circumstances. Some people are born to rich people. Some people are born to poor people. Some smart people are born of dumb people. Some dumb people are born of smart people. 

The bottom line is that nobody chooses to be born.

We're all thrust into this thing called "life," and then we're challenged to fucking "Live, Bitch!"

Because we are not born equal, we must strive, from my point of view, to make life and the living it equally easy &or challenging.

This is equality, to me. 

Fuck your "fairness." There's nothing fucking "fair" about life.

People who believe that they are somehow better, because they were born into x, y, or z circumstances or with x, y, or z abilities are fucking egomaniacs. Those spiritual weirdos who think that you're somehow reincarnated into higher levels of beings can go fuck themselves, too (the irony of these spiritual weirdos is that the whole point of their so-called "spirituality" is about suppressing the ego, ridding the self of itself in order to what? apparently, the goal is not to find yourself within the whole *barf*). 

Racial/Religious Supremacy is ELITISM. 

Nepotism is ELITISM.

Etiquette is ELITISM.

Grammar Policing is ELITISM.

Diversity, Equity and Inclusion is subscribing to ELITISM.

To believe that your abilities have some sort of intrinsic, higher value than other abilities is ELITISM.


I saw a threads on Threads, and the black woman who posted it posted something with regards to fair wages. A lot of so-called social justice warriors (and even a former treasury secretary) bark and holler about "fair" wages, but the point that I'm trying to make is that "fair" is not equal, and you can't fight for equality if you're an ELITIST. Well, obviously, you can, but then you're a fucking hypocrite. 


Most social justice warrior "influencers" (oh my goddess, can you imagine being an influencer?!? shiiiiit!) are ELITISTS. Their fight is for so-called "fairness," but they still believe that not all wages should be equal throughout a company. They believe that some people have some sort of intrinsic value based off of their abilities. And so, some jobs are "worth" more, have "greater value." This is ELITISM.

Then I saw a reply from a white woman who said something to the effect of "low skills, low wages. if you want to have higher wages, then get more skills." You're on the wrong side of history if your views align with the average white woman. *yikes*

To the aww (average white woman), what about those of us who cannot simply "acquire more skills"? We are supposed to roll over and die? We're supposed to be paid less because we are less-able to contribute economically? You could've been born with any amount of abilities, and still, in this life, all of these so-called "greater-value" skills could be taken from you by a simple car accident, etc. Fuck you!

These types see themselves as distinctly separate from the whole, and then they go so far as to believe that their state of being is better than everyone else's. 

Anyone could've been born as anyone. You could've been born with fewer physical abilities and greater mental abilities. You could've been born with greater physical abilities and fewer mental abilities. You could've been born to poor, uneducated people. You could've been born to rich, well-connected people. You could've been born (goddess forbid!) to the large, average, mediocre chunk of humanity in the middle. Anyone can be born to anyone. To think otherwise is ELITIST.

This is the inherent unfairness of life, the inherent inequity.

Yes, life is unfair. Stop bitching about it, if you drew some short straws, and stop thinking that you're somehow inherently better if you drew a few long straws. 

It is, in my view, our responsibility to make life equally easy or difficult. We should all want to win and suffer together, because anyone could be born as anyone. If you were born with more abilities, you should feel the responsibility to level the field for those of us who were born with fewer abilities, because that could've been you. If you were born with fewer abilities, we should be creating pathways for you to contribute whatever you can to society and your contributions should be valued equally


I was internationally adopted from Seoul, South Korea, to These United Colonies by a white family. As human people, we have no rights as children. This is also deeply unfair. I could not protest my adoption. I could've also never been adopted. I could not decide my fate. My fate was decided for me. So was yours. Up to a point. 

Once we are able to take the direction of our lives in whatever direction we please, we go out into the world and participate. Some people never have this opportunity because their physical abilities make them less-capable of survival on their own, out in the wilderness. ELITISM says that this type of person born into humanity has lesser economic value. Thus, if they can even accomplish a job, that job is measly, thus, they "deserve" measly wages. Social justice warriors supposedly fight for the "fairness" of these wages, but that is also ELITIST. They do not believe that people who cannot do "higher value" work should be paid equally to those of them who do "higher value" work. THIS IS ELITIST.

My point is that being human is enough to add value to humanity. Whether or not, as an individual, you believe that you add "more" or "less" value, doesn't matter. Since none of us chooses to be here, why are we not working together to make life easier for all of us, since, any of us could've been born with fewer or greater abilities. #facts

But this is America, where the whole point is to not only keep up but also, surpass. This is not a goal that strives for equality.

And so, this is America, The United Colonies of ELITISM, where the so-called fight for "equality" is actually a fight for ELITISM. 

04 March 2024

While High-Achievers sharpen and hone themselves to get the things that they need &or want to get done, Low-Achievers are wondering why they can't just be them, like, 'Let me do me!' Frankly, Low-Achievers are basic, average, a blunt instrument. If you want to rise, you're gonna have find comfort in effort, which, by definition, is uncomfortable. Oh, wait, Low-Achievement 101 requires a complete disinterest in working yourself to your greatest, full potential, lol. So, never mind, this piece is not for you. *frowny face*

The worst part about being a high-achiever is that you're outnumbered, like ten to one, generally speaking. The best part about being a high-achiever is that you get it done. No matter what it is, high-achievers will bend themselves to get the thing done. Meanwhile, the low-achiever will see the thing that needs to get done and change absolutely nothing within themselves and thusly, will not get the thing done. Low-achievers will take stabs at stuff, but they're never going to make themselves uncomfortable to complete a thing. 

This, to me, is the fundamental difference between a high and low achiever. 

Some people are perfectly fine with seeing the bar in front of them and not clearing it.

Others are not content with this outcome. Others, the high-achievers, will do what they can to clear the bar. They will stay up late. They will cram for that exam. They will sweat at their measly jobs. They will go go go until the thing is done. And not because someone is forcing them to. High-achievers find the greatest satisfaction in having completed something, anything, really.

The low-achiever *shrugs* with a *meh* and vehemently shouts, "Let me do me!"

No problem. Do you, girl. And don't fucking complain that you don't have what you want, that you've not done what needs to be done, that you are not where you want to be. 

Or embrace the discomfort of effort and sweat, cry, study, learn, grow, stretch yourself so that whatever it is that's in front of you gets done. Then that thing is done and you can go on with your life and get something else done, which begs the question, What do low-achievers want? 

Nothing? To be handed everything?


When we spectated the Honolulu Marathon back in December, it was so apparent who was average, and it was the perfect visual metaphor for mediocrity. The number of people who trampled by at the average pace was almost overwhelming, and the craziest part was that most people were perfectly content being in that enormous middle pack, because, what?, at the very least, you're in Good Company? If you're achievement falls in line with the large middle curve, then you're doing just fine, right? Sure, Low-Achiever, you're just like everyone else! #goals.

Why are so few of us content within the mediocrity of the middle?

Why do so many take comfort in being average, among everyone else, the mediocre?

Where are my people?!?! 

03 March 2024

Some questions rattling around in my mind as my jobbing (the job i do as an exploitee* for some other business) schedule has changed (a good thing), which has altered my general work (the work i do for my own businesses) flow, and so, while the shifting settles, I ponder. In the meantime, I'm eyeballing my stats like a raptor, cause, well, not to brag, but this site is about to hit 100K all-time views, like, imminently, like, w/in the next twenty-four hours. *eek*

When did neutrality become hostile?

because i am not a "nice" person, most people know where i stand with them. those who are insecure, well, there's nothing i can do about them. all i can say is that if i've fucking spent money on you, at all, then i obviously fucking like you, like goddamn, what does it take to make a friend and have them continue to consider you their friend when you're busy and just like need a break from socializing, gah! and so, i've been pondering some fiction sketches, but the words are still congealing into something edible. in this moment, i have but a list of ingredients, no recipe. the themes of this question also stem from my jobplace, because, well, it's not my job to assure you that i like you. if i know you from my job, i don't like you, and i also don't not-like you. i'm just being neutral, like we ought to be, because we're at our fucking JOB! we have to get our jobs done whether or not we like each other, so who fucking cares? that is what "being professional" means. like, duh!


Since the writing about not-white-ness in the context of whiteness by a not-white person is not considered racist, because *clap.clap.clap.* representation, then theoretically, my writing about my non-white & non-black experience in the context of whiteness & blackness ("omfingg, she used white first and black second, both times! fucking fraud! she supports white supremacy!") ought not be considered racist, as well, amirite?

i obviously hate social media. i hated it and quit after hating fucking white-woman yoga. and now i hate it and quit after hating fucking feminist-globeaux-woman threads. sorry, people with wombs, no! goddammit, people with vaginas? shit, no, what is it, the people who are penetrated?, no, the people who are asexual or never have sex, wait, no, that's not right, cause, well, not to get too specific, but if your genitalia is a penis, okay, well, now this is no longer relevant, since the parts don't matter, and determine nothing, ugh, nevertheless, the use of the word woman is out, so there are no women and there are no men, because men are women and women are men, and we're all equal, and so, there are no "women's issues," you dumb fucks, oh wait, sorry, that's so mean. women aren't dumb! it's the feminist-globeaux people-who-identify-as-woman-without-having-any-female-human-body-parts-but-sometimes-do-have-female-body-parts-but-sometimes-have-male-body-parts-but-identify-as-the-non-gender-"she"-but-who-absolutely-do-not-want-to-be-defined-by-the-word-female-because-that-would-put-their-genitalia-front-and-center-and-the-misogynists-think-of-female-as-lesser-so-the-whole-point-is-to-make-sure-that-we-know-exactly-what-genitalia-each-person-possesses-so-as-to-rule-over-them-with-the-hierarchy-of-gender-importance-with-"them"-being-the-most-important-no-the-leveling-of-gender-so-that-it-doesn't-matter-at-all-except-that-it-matters-the-most that make Threads so unpalatable, which begs the question, why do those who identify very specifically as "them" or "he/she" so desperate to ensure that gender/sexuality matters the most and does-not-matter at all, all at the same time?

*shiver* yikes! did i do it right? *eyeroll* 

cue the pc police! *screech* defund the police!

When black people die, do they go to black heaven? Same question re white people?

 just kidding. i'd never spend any amount of time pondering heaven. that's such a white/black thing. damn. those whites and blacks and their white/black jesus. 


Do I prefer the people who have something to teach me or those for whom I have arrived as their teacher?

it's True. some people show up to teach you something. others show up to be taught something by you. i prefer those who have entered my life to teach me something. i hate teaching, because, well, the every-person hates to learn. #facts

How can someone be (so) hot and (so) talented and yet, be (so) uncool? 

hot, cool, and popular are all supremely subjective social statuses. there are, however, enough objective signifiers to create a majority on what/who is or is not hot, cool &or popular. but maybe this is all false. maybe if everyone was truly able to somehow have their vote count, we'd find out that there are no objective metrics to things like hotness, coolness and popularity. maybe each of our worldviews is so immensely unique that if everyone expressed themselves equally, there would be no hot, cool or popular people, because every single person on Earth thinks so completely differently.

 *BAHAHAHAHA* people thinking! *BAHAHAHAHA* ah, the belly aches! stop it!

How is it that the same people who fight for diversity, representation and social equality would not support every job having the same pay, within the same company, no matter the job? Their fight even includes people of diverse abilities. Their fight is never about those who are physically incapable of holding down a job receiving pay for a job that they can physically accomplish. Wait, does their fight even include employing people with varied abilities at the exact same pay rate as everyone else?

the hypocrisy of social justice warriors is enough to make my head spin. you support, nay, demand diversity, equity and inclusion, but you do not fight that all jobs are paid equally within a company, no matter the job. every human has to job, this is capitalism-as-usual, and yet, these elitists still believe that some jobs (nay, "work") have greater value than other jobs, and so, that means that the people who are only capable of doing menial labor have a lower financial value, which ultimately suggests that you believe that these people have a lower economic value, which means that they do not contribute "equally" to society and thusly, should not be compensated...equally. FUCK YOU! your so-called "abilities" were a lottery draw. anyone could've been born with any variety/combo of abilities and/or inabilities.


*i am an exploitee for one reason and one reason only, at my jobplace, there is a tier of corporate office jobbers who get paid twice as much for half the work. the most pressing issue is not corporate greed at the CEO level, the most pressing issue is the middle-tier of corporate jobbers with bloated salaries for what?, going to college? *BAHAHAHA* from my point of view, this tier of jobber is why Kroger and Albertson's must merge. their merger will cut half of the corporate office parasites. this will, obviously, not help the hourly-wage laborers on the ground, but at least some corporate office parasites will be unemployed and irrelevant to the jobforce, and eventually, they will be obsolete, thank goddess! a job is a job. every employee should be paid equally. the company, as a whole, cannot accomplish its goal, of being a business, without every jobber on the ground. they can, however, do just find with half the office parasites. #facts. all jobs within a company are equal, because everyone must job in order to receive money that we can then use to purchase the things we need. to think otherwise makes you an elitist bigot, so stop pretending that you care about anyone but yourself, also, FUCK YOU! no, nevermind, there's no need to get angry, it's becoming abundantly clear that to replace the physical labor of hourly-wage laborers is a much more difficult technological feat than replacing office parasites, so everything will work itself out, lol.