10 October 2022

To Peace, Love, &Conscientious Whoring ... a millennial wonders, aloud, if we've all forgotten that today's internet 'influencers' are the world's real-life losers, so, really, we should all be a lot nicer, online.

Okay, so there are a number of things I need to write about, rn, with regards to the 'Gram. The problem, however, is that I don't really want to do a deep dive into my IG history/ideological framework. Perhaps, an outline is on order. No, that's stupid, cause all I really wanna do is shed light on a thing that I find both interesting and petty. 

As an on-again-off-again user of the 'Gram (cause I hate Fuckerberg, and because I've largely found the platform to be trite, full of bathos, and largely irrelevant if you're cool and popular, afk), I've never really given a shit about the 'Gram, the 'Tube, the 'Book, and I've never had a Twitter (for more than a week, twice, many years ago), etc. I was never a loser in real life, and so, the draw of the internet as a place to wallow with my fellow irl losers is not something that ever drew me. I danced as part of an elite group in my tiny town; I was a straight-A student (racing toward valedictorian since kindergarten, etc.); I could ski before I could speak English (was adopted at four), and I started snowboarding in sixth grade; I was a hard-bodied, long-haired, hot Asian in an all-white tiny mountain town. My name came over the loud speakers when our senior class prom court was announced. This never hindered my adopted mother from verbally tearing me down every chance she got, nevertheless.

By the time I entered college, the guy I was dating in high school called me two weeks into college, crying. Everyone was under the impression we were boyfriend and girlfriend. I did not see things that way, and so, when I went off to Baylor University (with over $80K in local and collegiate scholarships), it never crossed my mind to call that guy. He obviously saw things differently and couldn't wrap his mind around why I (his girlfriend? bah! yea right, you should see this guy; he was obviously living in a fantasy land, and oddly enough, my high school girlfriends all thought that I didn't deserve to be on prom court cause obviously the guy I was dating got all the freshman and sophomores to vote for me, etc., so I am obviously undeserving of my popularity, etc.) never called him. It was a really awkward phone call on my new flip LG cell phone.

My point is that when social media injected all of us wee-millennials as we entered the cusp of our adult lives with the virus known as the fbook (I graduated from high school in 2004 and immediately began my freshman year of college in 2004, so yes, we were the OG fbook beta-testers, sorry), I had no use for it cause social media (the internet, AIM, MySpace [excepting Homestar Runner and Line Rider], and vloggers when they became a thing) always seemed like something that wasn't really for me. I had a great life, in real life, away from my keyboard. The internet was for losers, and I still feel this way. I'll admit that the fbook was fun when it was exclusively for college kids, but that's elitist. The day it went public (not financially) I lost interest. I liked it for its novelty until I pulled the plug between 2012 and 2013. Why am I going to spend time, in my real life, to "create content" for the internet, a place where losers moan and groan with each other, about people like me. I fell into the camp of using the internet as a place to store my real life.

Obviously, things have changed, cause I do create mindless content for the 'Tube, and waste time doing so, but that's only cause there's real money to be had from Google, but that money is for spending, not living off of, and I'm like well into my thirties. Being determined to make your living off of the 'Tube or the 'Gram or the internet in general, has got to be the riskiest (read stupidest) financial decision a person can make, just fyi. Being online as an extra source of passive income or luxury spending or treat patrol is a whole other thing. What you want, nevertheless, is to make your money from the real world; the internet is merely your best most modern tool.   

What I don't understand is how people you know, irl, use the 'Gram as a way to socially punish you, online? I've been removed as a follower from a handful of white women I know, for real, in life (they're not influencers, not even close, this is not about that, at the moment [yes, i know of atm, but it also means ass-to-mouth, fyi]). But they're white women, so ... And yes, it's always a white woman who feels offended by my existence. Maybe we had an interaction, irl, that she didn't like or enjoy, and so, in retaliation, she removes me, on the internet, as a follower, unfollows me, and then makes her account private. Classic. Textbook. And honestly, I find it so fucking hilarious, I honestly do not know what to do. I was doing them a favor. And so, I've written this post after another white woman (it's a long story) enacted this exact behavior that I've, obviously, encountered before. The funny thing is that her husband still follows me, so I know two things: 1) he thinks I'm hot; 2) she still has access to my posts. 

I've never unfollowed or removed a friend who follows me online because of something that's happened in real life. It's not something I would ever think to do, because why? Because I don't fucking give two shits about what's going on online. Yea, sure, I whittle who I follow cause I change, and if I used to follow someone online who I don't know irl but they're basically the same, why would I keep following? I haven't been on the 'Gram for over a year, and all yuhs are doing the same exact shit for the same exact number of strangers/friends/followers? I do not understand following accounts that pump out the same type of posts post after post, year after year. I'm bored. And so, I unfollow accounts that grow stale or boring, but I don't unfollow people I actually know. It never even comes up, cause, like why? I just create a new account and start a whole new IG, duh. 

When this happens, am I supposed to "feel bad" that after one heated conversation (again, a long meaningless story, unless my point is to ultimately humiliate someone I actually know, which is not my point) I am no longer privy to your lame-ass online profile? Like I'm such a terrible person that your online persona, contrived lifestyle posts are being withheld from ME! Like, that I'm so obsessed with you that you'd better privatize all of your posts so that I do not see them? The hilarious thing is that I know how much their real lives suck. How do I know? Well, just look at how much time, effort, mental capacity you spend on the 'Gram. Your real life sucks! And I know it for a fact. I know you in real life! Bahahaha! When Musk called IG an "envy enhancer," I realized that he's really not the genius we all wish him to be. What IG is, first and foremost, is an EGO Enhancer, and when confronted with a white woman's Ego, on the internet, it's crazy to see what they find important. Oh, the irony of social media is so fucking fantastic to me, I could write a whole book about it. Oh, wait, I did write a whole chapter about it in my first book. Ha!

Anyway, my point is that I think it's hilarious that losers in real life think that their online profiles matter so much, that their online "content" means so much to people that they need to make their accounts private, like they're saying, "no, you don't get to watch," as if anyone cares (I'm supposed to make an exception for you who keeps your account private cause you have a real-life stalker? Why are you online! "Why should I be diminished?" "Cause your life is under threat of death!"), cause the reality is that when you're not a loser in real life, the internet as a whole and its "influencers" are seen as just that ... on the internet, influencing because, irl, they are the world's losers. Have a huge online following, but you're not a person who's done anything meaningful or significant in real life? You resorted to the world's oldest tricks to reach the masses cause you're so boring and skill-less irl? Wow. Clap. Clap. Clap. You must be one serious loser away from that keyboard. Lame. Oh my god, I'm keeling over with laughter, like so seriously, the irony is tremendous! It's perfect. And I had a pretty nasty migraine all day yesterday so this is really lifting my spirits. *sigh.

And so, really, the lesson here is that we should all be nice to people on the internet. When people bash online influencers, what they're really doing is pointing to their real-life loser status, and that's mean. If you're popular and awesome in real life, don't be concerned about the fact that you'll never really get any online traction. Online traction requires a connection to an online audience, and like I've already stated, if you've flocked to the internet to live your life, you're a loser, irl. FACT. So, be nice. Real life is hard enough for them, let them have their online influencer-level followers, cause what are they using them for, really? A market base to whom they may sell shit? Is that how you want to spend your life? On the internet, hawking products to strangers in exchange for what? A buck? Debasing one's self for a dollar is the definition of a whore, just fyi. 

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