[this "chapter" is a new "chapter" of a fictional book
in which chapter 2 already exists
within the pages of my very real book,
science-fiction anthology,
Red & Blue Make Green {2016}]
Etiquette in the Age of Social Media: Admirable Conduct as a Disconnected Human
by Alyas Whilebitz
Chapter 9
How to troll a Troll
advanced social media use for those who truly do not give a fuck
because they know that social media DOES NOT MATTER
First off, congratulations on making it so far through this tedious book. Hopes are high that many things are being learned and discovered, and that a lot of this information is being applied ... knowledgeably ... in the daily use of the various social media that exist and proliferate humanity's "social" world.
As the progression of these various social media have evolved, so has the Troll along with it. There are now categories of Trolls, and as is being pointed out here, in this chapter, the unavoidably meta-truth is that there now exits the troll who trolls Trolls.
The impetus of this information is not about categorizing and defining the differing types of Trolls, cause as an advanced social media user, the information here is meant to be understood by those who are advanced social media users, and so, if an explanation about the differing types of Trolls is needed, then these instructions might not be helpful, as they have been written for social media users who have an advanced understand of human psychology/social systems, etc.
Thus, if you are an advanced social media user, then you've found yourself in exactly the right place, at this exact moment in time, wherein you can become a troller of Trolls, lols.
Shall we begin?
What is a Troll?
From the point of view of the author of this book, me, Trolls simply want to get a rise out of you. Simple as that. You post something (an actual post or just some fucked up comment) and regular folk react to the post. It is a Troll's purpose to get you to react to whatever they just "said." Typical Trolls desire to illicit "anger," but that's soooo basic bitch. Sophisticated Trolls attempt to illicit a very specific emotion out of you. Luckily for us, 99.99% of Trolls are complete dumbfucks, and so, most Trolls are not intelligent enough to enact this level of psychological manipulation with only their words through a screen.
But you are intelligent; you are sophisticated; if you weren't, you wouldn't be here, reading these instructions about using social media in a very psychologically sophisticated way so as to confront over-inflated egos (and watch them squirm), wreak havoc, and create chaos among the mindless consumers of "content."
What does a Troll look like?
A Troll can be embodied in any shape, size, form, race, gender, etc., etc., &c. It's important to know which types of Trolls to troll. Not all Trolls require trolling. Depending on your race and gender, you might be a Troll simply by participating on socials, at all, and depending on your race and gender, everything you do on socials might be perceived as punching down, and depending on your race and gender, everything you do might make you the punching bag for every single Troll in existence on the internet, and so, part of trolling Trolls is understanding which Trolls to troll and which Trolls to leave alone.
This means that as a troller of Trolls you must have a keen understanding of the socio-demographic makeup of socials at any given point in time. For instance, as generations grow and age, they will move from being the younger generation who shouldn't be punched too hard into the older generation who can then be punched quite hard by the up-and-coming next generation. As generations shift, ideas about humans also shift, which means that sometimes there are humans who are living, perhaps, in less-common ways, and so, if this person is behaving like a Troll, there's really no need to troll them. Does that make sense?
In short, a Troll can look like anyone, anyone can be a Troll, so use your discretion, and use your intellect, and keep your intellect sharp with regards to human socio-demography.
What does a Troll want?
Well, like the other human-users of social media, a Troll wants attention. Typically, a Troll is a person who has a really really really shitty real life situation. Something is absolutely terrible or absolutely going "wrong" in their life. This is why all human users can succumb to the Troll Pull during rough bouts of life, but True Trolls live an entire lifetime of terribleness. And so, really, deep down, the Troll wants validation for having done nothing, attention for having done nothing, success for having done nothing.
[random commenter says something the account poster doesn't like]
account poster responds:
"Don't you know who I am? My husband is ... "
How does a Typical Troll operate?
Generally speaking, a Typical Troll is trying to illicit a response from you, because, since their real lives are so hollow and empty, these social media interactions are actually fullfilling something deep inside them ... mostly loneliness, usually an inaccurately low valuation of their own self-worth, but mostly, the men who are Trolls are literally too ugly for society, and so, literally nobody has ever had sex with them (for free), and they're fifty-three years old and miserable.
In short, they're really willing to say anything to piss you off; they have nothing to give, thereby nothing to lose, so why not be a Troll.
How then, to behave
As stated earlier, the Typical Troll is quite spineless. Much of the time, a simple retort back at the Troll will make the Troll flee. Here's a real-life example of the majority of the interactions a troll trolling Trolls will look like along with some fun post-exchange action that can be taken, when warranted:
the commenter comments on some post:
"you mean, the generation refusing to learn how to use ai?"
a fellow commenter comments on the commenter's comment:
"we still have a brain that we use... maybe you should too"
commenter:
[notices the inconsistency in the ellipsis spacing
notices the missing comma before "too"
likes the fellow commenter's comment,
notes the insecurity in the insult]
"BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
speaking of socials etiquette,
visiting an account before replying to a comment is a must, lol"
And then, the commenter proceeds to upload a screenshot of the interaction to their followers and tags the fellow commenter, and within minutes, the fellow commenter's comment is deleted.
Most interactions with your basic-bitch Typical Troll will unfold just like this. Here's another quick exchange that another commenter deleted immediately after the commenter replied to it:
"Do you want us to see your ridiculous bio quote that badly? *double heavy-angry brow*
See how nobody even likes your comment? *laugh-cry*
commenter:
[according to another commenter's bio, she's a librarian, lol,
lotsa desire to be seen, not in a literal sense, but in an appreciative acknowledgement;
it's noted that another commenter values social media "likes" as some sort of validation;
it's noted that she did visit the commenter's profile and insulted it, which means
a-dun-duh-duh-dah!
the profile triggered her!]
"yup you nailed it! my [social media] is the most important thing to me in the whole wide world!
*four-weeps* omg ... nobody "likes" my comments?!?
i guess i should just make you queen of my world, cause you're a mf genius!
who are you? how do i follow everything you do?
how do i become JUST LIKE YOU with all the LIKES?!?
how do i get a life just like yours?"
[and then the commenter went to another commenter's page
"liked" a dozen posts
commented between mild and weird on a handful of posts
and changed their own bio
to include another commenter's handle]
Other times, it will unfold exactly like this, but the Troll will have a pair of balls, and so, the Troll will leave their comment up, but they will not interact with it or the commenter, again. Here's the beginning of an exchange:
a new commenter comments on the commenter's old comment on the same old post as above:
"Oh honey.
You think you get to dictate what's a 'must' for us
before we're graciously permitted to respond to you? *laugh-cry*
Adorable.
It's not our fault if you can't write comments strong enough to stand on their own
without resorting to whining about people
taking the extra time to check your profile before they reply. *white-them shrug*
There's some good stuff to unpack in this one, so let's dive in! First, this person is in the camp of being an "intellectual" on the internet, which, in itself, is hilarious. Do you hear that misogyny in "Oh honey"? Yea, that's an intellectual poser, because she (they/them? hard to say from the pro-pic [yes, this is a real-life exchange]) is trying to teach the commenter a lesson, but she's a misogynist, therefore a poser/faux-intellectual. And then, she immediately tries to argue with an insult. The commenter "can't write" and is "whining." Obviously, no intellectual would argue with an insult, for an insult is not an argument. Then she tries to *shrug* it off, as if she's not saying anything harmful, cause really, she's not, but she is declaring her desire for people to look at her own profile, because guess what, from her point of view, that's what the commenter wants. She wants people to take the extra time to look at her profile of their own volition (BAHAHAHA!), and she views anyone who says this out loud as "whining." It's textbook.
So, what does the commenter do? Well, the commenter has to point out the obvious misogyny, and that will hopefully antagonize the intellectual posing, and then, the commenter needs to meet her at her supposed "intellectual" level by speaking intellectually, all while hammering home the misogyny that makes her a hypocunt. And so, here's the commenter's reply and post-exchange action.
commenter's reply to the new commenter:
"oh honey? whata misogynistic c*nty address, lol.
also, i understand that a lot of ppl are confident in their stupidity,
so yea,
i understand the impulse against acquiring new and more information for engaging in a conversation, lol,
which was sorta the point of my initial comment,
when considering genz,
like, duh.
also, my replies were to a comment that has since been deleted, lol,
so you literally have no idea where im coming from
and you literally have no idea what we were discussing,
and yet, you decided,
cause i imagine you think you're some 'genius'
(cause the evidence points to your disgust at learning new information,
which suggests you're suffering from Dunning/Kruger)
to stick your nose where it ain't qualified to sniff,
and not only that,
your 'genius' retort is an insult, lol.
so sit down, like a good little girl.
that's right little girl. what a good girl. that's good. good girl."
And then, the commenter screen shots the exchange, tags the new commenter, and adds a reply to one of their own comments, "unless you're totally okay looking like a foolish dumbf*ck (there. is that better, @newcommenter?)." Other post-exchange actions include, but are no limited to: going to their profile and "liking" all their posts, commenting on a dozen or so, tagging them, adding them to your bio, etc., etc., &c. There's a fine line between trolling a Troll and harassing them, so everything you do and say must be harmless, because if they report you, what are they gonna say, "She liked all of the posts on my profile!"? No.
These types of examples are a dime a dozen, so much so that even as this chapter is being written, another Troll-commenter has commented, been replied to, and now, they've already deleted their original comment, just like a basic-bitch Typical Troll.
So, let's move on.
Your Tier 5 - Stiltball radar tingles.
The Troll has evolved, and there are more categories than just "Troll," and these larger categories have sub-categories, and one of these sub-categories even has a sub-category [also as stated earlier, a thorough, deep-dive defining of these categories will not be had, because "oh, these times, they are a changing," but some Troll types will be discussed]. One of these Troll types is particularly heinous, because the Troll is the person posting. Literally, the person's account posts are all being posted to troll you, and the specific reaction this type is attempting to illicit is rage. The sub-category of the Rage-bait Troll has the sub-category of the Tier-5 Stiltball type braggart who is a TROLL who posts posts that highlight someone else's money in order to antagonize people who are not wealthy ... The Cunty Cunty Cunt Troll ... aka the T5 Stiltball Troll.
[a commenter comments on an obvious T5 Stiltball's post
that is an account run by a Cunty Cunty Cunt Troll]
commenter:
"the f*ck. are you flexing your MAN's money?
why don't you have any money of your own?
"his money is my money *side-kissy* stay mad"
commenter:
"so you don't have any money of your own.
that's all i was asking. what's there to be mad about?
seems like a sensitive issue for you, that's all.
i'd be sensitive, too, in this day and age, to have no money of my own. "
The Cunty Cunty Cunt Troll:
"I have my own business,
but I also have a young and handsome multi millionaire husband
that loves to spoil me[no space]*side-kissy*
again, stay mad"
The Cunty Cunty Cunt Troll [again, before the commenter replies]:
"You're literally spamming and cussing,
it's clearly a sensitive issue to YOU and you're projecting *stupid-laugh-cry*
I'll leave you talking to yourself now, please seek the help you need *hearty face*
from looking at your profile I can see why this video and my existence is so triggering to you *weepy*
This commenter has the T5 Stiltball Troll exactly where they want them. This Troll (the owner of the account, remember) has officially resorted to insults. So now, as a commenter, you trolled the Troll just right so that you have a lot to work with here.
Right away, we learn that this account user is the account's Troll, lol. The first response ends, "stay mad." This T5 Stiltball Troll is posting for the sole purpose of finding out how badly they can make other people feel about themselves by being a textbook T5 Stiltball braggart. What a performance, right? Now, you know, as the commenter, that social media doesn't matter. If you think that social media matters, what the fuck are you doing here? Get out.
Since social media doesn't matter, it's important to come from that place of antagonism through your own deep Truth that social media doesn't matter. If you truly do believe that social media does matter, you will not be an effective troll of Trolls, because, first and foremost, Trolls are preying upon your ego, and so, if your ego cannot handle "looking stupid" or "seeming this way" or "coming off that way" YOU WILL NOT SUCCEED. You will succumb to your ego, and you will blow up, and the Troll will win.
Back to this ultimate T5 Stiltball Troll.
What we can learn from the things that this T5 Stiltball has spewed is that she [yes, this is a real exchange, between what can only be imagined as a real person, on a real social media platform] cares a lot about her image. The post is obviously not going to be shared, because, why? In essence, however, this T5 Stiltball is flexing her MAN's money, in an attempt to project that since she married rich, she is now better than everyone else poorer than her, which she totally is, right, guys? Right?!?
Ending her quips with "stay mad," she is declaring that other women who are richer than her make her mad. This is why she assumes everyone poorer than her would be mad at seeing the life that she lives off her "multi millionaire husband." She's also walking through this life as if people are jealous of her. She's also insecure about her husband's looks and financial state. Why else would she mention them as her defense? She's also performing an identity that cares about "bad words," in an attempt to position the commenter as a "bad person," and she's outright shouting that, while interacting with the commenter, she's not listening (remember, she's objectively better than you), cause the commenter is "talking to yourself." Not to mention that her definition of spam is comments she doesn't like, lol.
She also thinks that the commenter is unwell if they are not triggered by her superiority. And finally, she was absolutely threatened by the commenter's profile, because after she supposedly went and visited the commenter's profile, she deduced that she can "see why this video and my existence is so triggering to you." What a zing-zing zinger!
You've done it. She dropped the oh-so hand-winning tell. Her need to insist that the commenter is "triggered" is the commenter's pot of gold. She is triggered. Boom. You did it. You found her trigger; it was easy.
The only thing the commenter has given this Troll is that the commenter is "sensitive" about their money needs (which says nothing to how much money the commenter has or doesn't have), and let's be real, who isn't?, which is why this type of trigger is so absolutely effective with the T5 Stiltball braggarts!
So now what?
The easiest way to trigger a Troll is to not-be triggered. Do not get angry. Do not be angry. Do not show any emotion at all, really, keep it banal and insult-free. Happiness also works like a perfect charm.
The Commenter responds:
"you're funny, lol.
f*ck is my favorite word, just fyi *double side-kissy*
and whatever you are assuming from my profile is absolutely correct.
i do zero curating. ima total loser.
and again, why you reading this as angry?"
And then the entire post disappears, because the T5 Stiltball Troll either deletes the post, or mostly-likely, blocked the commenter, lol.
What the commenter's final comment does is it leaves the T5 Stiltball Troll all alone as the righteous ass-hole. As the commenter, you must be able to take this superficial loss in order to win in the end.
Ultimately, on socials, a healthy ego cannot be triggered. A healthy ego is mental health. Mental health means that all of the hard work required to smooth out the rough, kindling-like edges of our fragile little minds is being done, worked on, looked at, and bettered. Trolling Trolls is not for the faint of heart, either, because bait and traps must be laid so that Trolls can walk into them; the goal is to troll The Troll. And since most Trolls are stupid, you can't really troll them along, as exemplified above, they vanish if light is shone on them. But every once in a while, a massive, oozing, ugly, unsophisticated, delusional Troll will appear, and if done right, can be trolled into stating their own greatest fears, out loud, in public, for all the world to see.
And this is ultimately the goal, to illicit the feelings of humiliation, social ostracism, and shame.
From one troller of Trolls to another,
I wish you well on your Quest
*stay mad*