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| maybe i love it lol |
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| was feeling a little self-conscious about my mirror [as a forty-year-old woman!] cause these bitches online with no other talent than spending money spend a lot of money lol &i've started a "fashion" page on socials cause i want to but i also understand the implications of constantly bombarding people with things to buy *vomits* but it has been my dream my entire life to design clothes *weeps* &so my fashion perspective is heavy on quality mix&match affordability &emphasizing life-long style over temporary trends &i am still in development as a designer of things wearable &so the page is more for my own development as a designer as opposed to a commercial endeavor *vomits* i know what i'm aiming for as far as a design aesthetic is concerned but i have absolutely no clue as to how to get there through actual, physical clothes! *vomits* &with my neck being the way that it is [my mind playing over and over again that i would somehow be "there already" if my neck hadn't somehow "destroyed my life" but even before that my knee "destroyed my ballet career" but i was never going to be a "ballerina" nevertheless,] i feel more and more inclined to dance because dancing keeps me very limber &very strong &what i need more than anything is to stay limber &strong because my neck threatens my mobility every single fucking day &so i want to dance because i must dance because i love it &so as the bodybuddy/lifemate plans our budget for the second half of this year with my dance demands in mind i will work at home on all of the basics &do all of the groundwork here until the budget has been responsibly extended to include the monthly (or most-likely yearly) membership to some gym with studio space or a studio studio until then [when new dance videos exist!] i'll be starting from First also if you haven't noticed my life has blown up on purpose &i am still trying to figure out what my day-to-day is going to look like &i've been going through some serious shit interpersonally cause i have a lot of issues with regards to my worth &c. &so it is what it is. so grateful for this mirror amirite?! |