&please fucking REMEMBER that this is a blogspace
not an academic research paper
*iroll*
my role here
as The Pen
is not to know everything
but to be able to put things into a context that can then be known
&thusly understood
also please REMEMBER
that i am currently living in Honolulu, Hawai'i
&this is all happening
here
as we live &breathe
- The Sexist
- Sexism is all wrapped up in the way that we interact with people depending on their sex (physical reproductive organs) AND gender (society's demand that the society-determined outward expression of one's physical reproductive organs and one's physical reproductive organs match)
- The Sexist sees your genitals, first and foremost, and then behaves according to the stereotypes in their mind about people who share your specific genitalia, and they expect you to behave according to these stereotypes
- Men and Women are equally Sexist; LGBTQ+ (again, be reminded of the hierarchy of the letters here, you will be lambasted as anti-whatever, if you do not know the "proper" order, etc.) being the most-sexist of us all as they demand to be identified by their sex, at all times, by all people; they demand that we all know with whom they want to have sex, whether or not you want to have sex with them
- The problem, however, arises from Men (of all sexual preferences) who are Sexist, because we are living in a Rule-by-Men type of World right now, Patriarchy
- Women Sexists are problematic, too, in that they are continuing to subscribe to the tiny boxes that define us, and so, by not-helping, they are, in fact, harming themselves and everyone else
- When someone outs themselves as a Sexist, for the first time, this is not a fire-able offense, in my opinion. This person, if unaware of their Sexism, needs to be reprimanded, obviously, and made aware of the fact that they are Sexist and thusly, must undergo more training, etc. If they change, great. If not, then it's time to go.
- The Misogynist
- Misogyny is built on top of Sexism
- ALL Misogynists are Sexist, but not all Sexists are Misogynists
- Misogynists take Sexism further by valuing Manhood (or even gayness) over Womanhood
- The Misogynist sees your genitals, first and foremost, and if you possess genitals that signal "woman," you will be treated as "lesser" by people who practice Misogyny (and remember, misogynists even include those who identify as "gay")
- Men and Women are equally misogynistic, only in that Boomers (over sixty) and Millennials (under forty-five) are nearing a 50/50-type of generational "control"
- I would argue that younger Men and Women tend not to be misogynists at the same rate as older Men and Women, and I would argue that more younger Men are misogynists than younger Women, but that older Men and Women are equally misogynistic.
- I would also argue that Gen Xers are equally split, depending on general wokeness/intelligence, and so, their respective halves contribute equally to older and younger Men and Women
- When someone outs themselves as a Misogynist, strides must be taken to extricate this person from the jobplace, as swiftly as possible.
^..^
There are about a dozen overnight jobbers at your jobplace; you are one of three females, and the only woman non-union overnight-manager (there's this one other non-union woman-manager who pops in from time to time, but she is hardly considered an "overnight manager," and recently, a new non-union young-woman overnight-manager arrived [non-union managers job for The Company; Union-Jobbers staff the store]). The overnight crew is split nearly down the middle with Boomers and Millennials. Of the Gen X, they would split equally along the lines of the Boomer/Millennial mentality, and so, the overnight jobforce is split 50/50 on Boomer v. Millennial Mentality.
"Hey, Number 1 (non-white boomer man)," you stop The Boss one day. He stops and turns. "I think I need another tagger," you explain. "How about Blank (gen-x white-passing man)," he offers. "That's what I was thinking," you smile, from under your mask. "I'll talk to him before he leaves," he states.
The two of you part ways, and the next shift or two are spent training Blank on how to hang tags. Blank takes on the task of tagging slower than the others, and you're not sure why. He looks perfectly capable; he's a white-passing dude who peaked in high school, identifies as japanese, which is just like so gross, because you know, for a fact, that he'd identify as white on the Mainland and therefore, is "better" than all of us, just ask him, wait no, you don't even have to ask, he's a mouth-runner (side note: he's married to a korean-adoptee, and so, their two kids are half-korean, and a quarter-white/japanese, and they have japanese names, and they live with his japanese mother! *barf*). Anyway, he takes to tagging slower than the others, and so, you need to give him a little extra push AND you have to train him how to "look ahead," cause he, obviously, hasn't figured it out himself, like the others, and when you explain to him the "look ahead" technique, he scoffs and says, "Psht, that sounds like a woman's skill." And he didn't speak these words in front of just you, he said it in front of you and your two main taggers who are both not-white women, just like you.
You, obviously, reported this to your (millennial white-man) MOD, at the time (he has since been moved stores). Obviously, no man cares about things like this, and so, you're fairly certain that nothing will be done about it. Months go by, and everything is basically alright. Blank continues to be the slow tagger, and that's fine, cause your other taggers are only getting better, and Blank's ego seems to be able to do the necessary gymnastics to convince himself that he's just as good as everyone, nay, we couldn't do it without him ... until, that is, you get your next new tagger (non-white millennial man), who happens to be a member of the Deaf Community. You brought him up to The Bosses, as a potential new-tagger; since he doesn't check at the registers, he can't ever be "pulled away" from tagging.
Your new tagger begins matching Blank's tagging speed within about two months; Blank's been tagging for over a year at this point, and then, your new tagger starts to hit a sort of exponential speed increase, just as you suspected he would (nowadays, he's so fast, in fact, that he came up to you, because he wants to hang all the tags by himself, lol, so you put him on a training regime so that he'll be able to do it one of these days), and it's becoming apparent to you that to speak to Blank about his tagging speed will not be pleasant. Blank began tilting, you noticed, by trying to take your main-main tagger "down a peg" when he showed you the tiny stack of tags she had leftover one night and asked with a scoff, "Like, what happened, she couldn't finish her tags tonight?" To which you responded, "You are incapable of hanging the amount of tags she hangs, in the time that she hangs them," as you walked away.
Then one week, about a month ago, you must talk to him about his tagging speed, because he and one of your main woman taggers (not your main-main tagger, obviously, she is perfect; the other one) simply did not cut it one week. And so, just like you always do, you approach each of your taggers the next day to find out how the night went, and to find out if there were any wonky tags, etc., etc., etc., and this particular week, you had to do the hard job of confronting Blank's tagging speed.
After you exchange banal bromides, "Yea, so last week was too slow," you start, "You and [the other woman tagger] needed to get X, Y, and Z done. I told you both, and I left explicit instructions." He puts on a face as if he's never been criticized once before in his whole life, can't even look you in the eyes, and says, "So you're managing my time, now?" You're blown away. You almost don't know what to say so you say, "Yea, I am managing your time if you are incapable of finishing your work during your shift, because that's my job to make sure that the job gets done," you answer. And then a customer walked into line, and he had to go be the checker. You obviously go and tell the MOD, one of two-new non-union, overnight-managers (the young-man one), and you can tell by the look on his face that he does not care, "I'll talk to him." To which you respond, "Fine, but I'm also telling Number 2 (non-white boomer man)," and at the end of your day, you tell Number 2.
Two weeks later, Blank is walking around the store, like he always does, about which you've complained, repeatedly, to all of the MODs you directly interact with, regularly, and because Blank is trying to manage the time of one of the other clerks, who outranks Blank by like seven years, you cannot take it anymore and ask, "Why are you managing his time? It's not your job to manage anyone. You do not need to manage anyone's time, especially not his, because he outranks you by like five years."
To which Blank responds, "I don't give a shit. I like it better when you don't talk to me."
Blank is a fifty-plus year old white-passing man.
This is a fifty-plus year old MAN saying these things out loud, to a supervisor, at his JOB.
This is a textbook White Gen X Man, in your opinion.
This is basically the only type of White-Man Gen Xer you've ever encountered.
They, along with White-Man Millennial/Gen X-cuspers are whiny little bitches, generally speaking.
You immediately tell the MOD, and you tell him in front of the clerk who outranks Blank, the young not-white man clerk about whom Blank does "not give a shit," so that the young clerk can hear what Blank actually thinks of him, because from Day One, Blank came in as if he was god's gift to us all. Blank took it upon himself to make us lowly little people feel better about all of this with his loud mouth, fake attitude, and obvious superiority complex (he is white/japanese, afterall, a death-mix for supremacy, if anyone were to ask you). Blank was obviously on full-tilt from the start. It's obvious to you, now, that Blank was spewing all his shit to comfort himself. Blank had, obviously, "fallen" from some higher height, in his mind, and all of this was beneath him (in fact, he was fired from his job on a shipping ship, because he's an anti-vaxxer, lol, and you learned this from the horse's mouth). This was obvious. And all of our fellow overnight jobbers are not stupid people. But mostly, the others don't want to make a fuss. Sticking your neck out is how you get killed, both literally and figuratively, around here.
After reporting what Blank said to the MOD, you immediately pull the lever of the HR Hotline, and detail everything that happened that day. Once you receive your official report number, you start entering in all of the past-issues that were, obviously, never reported or taken care of. It's obvious to you now that none of the MEN managers EVER reported fucking Blank, officially, on PAPER!
You are asked to state what would "resolve" this issue, and you state that the only resolution you will accept is Blank's removal from the overnight crew.
Later in the day, Number 2 arrives, and we "talk" to Blank about what happened. Blank, obviously, denies the whole thing, and then Number 2 goes on to not only tell us about how he (Number 2, himself) nearly got fired but also, about how all he knows is that Blank gives really great customer service. And you almost cannot believe where you are, right now, in this moment, and you literally look around the office, and wonder if you've traveled to the 1950s?
And you have to interrupt Number 2, "What does any of this have to do with anything?" And it's obvious to you now, that the fucking Number 2 person in this store literally does not know how to do his job! You're furious. Number 2 excuses Blank, and you rip into Number 2, "What the hell? We dragged Blank in here, cause he cussed me out, and you're sitting here telling him how great he is?!?! I fucking hate that guy. He's sitting here like a sad little puppy, but he is a fucking Misogynist, Number 2! Fuck this! I will not job here with Blank! If he shows up on Monday, I am walking out!" And you storm out of the office. Number 2 is an obvious Sexist; you know this about him; he talks to women about being pregnant. Number 2 cannot imagine Blank being "bad" at his job, but he sure can imagine you being "hysterical." You add all of the Sexist behavior Number 2 has shown to your HR report. You unload.
About ten minutes later, Number 2 peeps into your office, and asks if you'll come back to his office to talk to Number 1 over the phone. Number 1 talks you off the ledge. At the end of the conversation, however, he says, in so many words, "You know, this is going to be a 'he-said, she-said' thing," and you believed him, in the moment, because you were blinded by pure fucking rage.
Two whole weeks go by, and every day or so, you add to your report all of the things that have, obvious to you now, not been reported.
One whole week later, you finally hear back from HR, cause she was on vacation, lol, and so, for three whole weeks, this fucktard, Blank, went unpunished for his behavior. How do you think he started behaving, now? Well, in general, it seemed like the rest of the overnight crew was filled in on what Blank said, and by the sheer force of social ostracism, Blank began trying to find friends outside of the department. It's sad, and you almost feel bad for the guy, and then you REMEMBER.
A few days later, over the phone, you recount to HR the meeting (answering forty-five minutes of other questions she had), and what Number 1 said with regards to this being a "he-said, she-said," and the HR person was, surprisingly, on your side about this. You're a non-union manager reporting not only insubordination but also, blatant sexism, misogyny and hostility. Later, later, we are finally in an in-person meeting with HR and Number 1. They say, in so many words, that Blank can't be removed, cause there's not a long enough paper trail. They even suggest that "You guys just shouldn't talk to each other." You, literally, have to explain to your own Company's HR person that her solution for us to "not talk to each other" is literally the definition of a toxic and hostile job environment. You look at her like she's stupid.
You're furious.
You explain to them the problem, again and again and again.
You're saying that the lack of paper trail IS the problem, duh, and they're saying, the lack of paper trail is why they can't do anything about it, cause Blank is a Union clerk.
And then you explain how Blank can cuss you out, a non-union manager, and he has the protection of the Union, and you have nobody, because all of the MEN managers refused to do anything about Blank, for over a year! They keep telling you that Blank can't be removed, and you keep responding that you will just stop showing up, and Number 1 asks, "What do you mean?" To which HR answers, "She'll resign." To which you clarify, "No. I will not resign. I will not give notice. I will not train a new person. I will simply be gone one day. I will simply not show up one day, with no notice."
The three of you go around in the same circle three times until finally you say, "Why can't he just be transferred to a different store? Or I'll leave. It's no problem. I'll happily do some other job. I never even wanted this job, remember, Number 1? This job is hard enough, I certainly do not need any of this, too. I can't imagine how that will look, though, cause everyone will think that I'm being punished, when I didn't do anything wrong, and now Blank is going to walk around like he's the shit, like he already does, and say whatever he wants to anyone with no consequence? What do you think happens when everyone sees that Blank has gone unpunished?"
And the look on their two faces is a look money cannot buy. It had, obviously, not even crossed their minds to simply transfer Blank out of the store to a different store. Nobody's getting fired; you didn't demand Blank's firing, although he should and would be getting fired if the MEN managers "in charge" fucking did their JOBS!
You leave Number 1 and HR with exactly that last thought, "If the MODs and Number 2 had been doing their jobs, we wouldn't be here."
You clock out and go home.
You go on with your life.
You think of all of the women who are dealing with actual physical predators.
You're dealing with a man who spoke words at you.
You cannot even imagine trying to fight this fight about a man who physically harmed you sexually or otherwise.
You also know that all of the Globeaux (Majority) jobbers (men and women alike) at your jobplace are watching you.
You wake up, and like you do, you end up glancing at your email before getting ready for the night, and there it is, an email from Number 1, "Blank will start working at a different store effective 07/15. Please do not talk about it with anyone until all parties are notified."
You go on with your life. You have maybe two, three shifts tops left with this fucker. And on Friday (07/11), Number 2 asks you into the office, and informs you, in person, of Blank's situation, "Blank will no longer be working here," and you can tell that Number 2 is very nervous, either in your presence or about the situation, who can know for sure? You fake-smile from under your mask, "Great [better late than never, I suppose]! Thanks a lot [fucker!]," and you storm out of the office. You consider this to be "all parties involved" knowing.
But you will not be speaking about Blank, for any reason, to anybody in the store.
You know that Blank is going to go on some face-saving tour for the next two-to-three shifts, and you couldn't give two fucks about whatever spin he needs to put on this to make it all about him being awesome and you being some bitch, and thinking about this, this pathetic, desperate Loser-Manchild going around the store, unprompted, and telling everyone how terrible you are makes you feel, like, so fucking awesome.
Blank is someone else's problem now, and if he's some future woman's problem, on the job, there's a hefty paper trail; you made sure of it. Men in this Man's World must be chipped away at. Most of them are too old to change, and some of them are on our side, but ALL of them lack the emotional/intellectual tools to support us. And so, yes, here we Women are still/again doing the suffering and the educating.
The saddest part of all of this is that Blank has a preteen daughter.
In your opinion, all of the man MODs you've been forced to suffer should be removed for their blatant Sexism and covert Misogyny. What you failed to mention to HR, because they resolved the issue without a second in-person meeting, is that these men MODs actually called you into the office for being "insubordinate" to the main (white millennial man) MOD, at the time. You were training your new Number 2, and you had explained to her that if she hears, "Backup checker to the front," that she was exempt from this call, now that she is fully in your department, and that she only needed to answer direct pages if someone calls her by name.
You had left a copy of these instructions on Number 1's desk, like you always do at the end of your shift, and the (white-man) MOD, at the time, read your notes, and he threw a tantrum like a three-year old fucktard, dragged ALL of the men MODs at the time AND Number 1 into the office to whine like a little bitch that you were undermining his authority. You calmly explained yourself, and refused to admit that you were undermining him, and you explained to Number 1 that your new Number 2 is used to being called up to check, but that that's not her role anymore, but if they're desperate for a backup checker at two in the morning, then they have to call her by name or she won't come up to check, because she won't know that she needs to, because she's not a checker anymore. You do not apologize, and you are dismissed. You find out a little later that the (white-man) MOD went home early; he was so upset, lol.
You also fail to mention to HR (another loaded and ready example of the gross incompetence running rampant throughout management) that the two new, young-non-union managers dragged you into the office, THEIR FIRST WEEK, to "talk to you" about a complaint they received about you from a homeless thief who you remember had come up to you yelling about how you were racially profiling him. You literally had not even seen the guy, but then he made such a big scene that the two young ones let him stroll out of the store, hands full of Spam cans. "The guy wants to call corporate," the young-woman one begins. "Great! Did you give him the store's number?" you ask. "Well, no. He said he didn't know your name," she goes on. "Oh, well, whenever a homeless thief complains, I always show them my name tag, and give them the store's number and tell them to call Number 1, anytime, after eight-a-m!" you state, sarcastically serious, making a big show of its seriousness. The young-woman one gets it and looks seriously embarrassed, while the young-man one tries his damndest to hid a giggle. You storm out of the office.
The young-woman one needs her space to recalibrate, and you give it to her.
And then, while all of this fucking-Blank nonsense is unfolding, you learn that the young-woman one was treating you like a Union clerk based off of faulty information that she had somehow acquired about your role. The two of you were talking about how the young-man one was sent off to the Mainland to job the strike, and you mention that, "I'd love to be sent to Colorado!" And the young-woman one puts on airs as if she's about to break bad news, "Well, it's only for non-union managers." To which you respond with a glance over your shoulder at her, "I am non-union." And yet again, the look on her face is not one that can be bought with money.
In your then-on-going report, you definitely mention this to HR, as well.
And the young-woman one needs her space, yet again, to recalibrate, and you happily give it to her; she must be just like, so, so embarrassed by this point.
You were expecting to have to deal with Blank at your jobplace one more time, yesterday, but by some miracle, he was not there. The email said that 07/15 was his official start date at his new location, but for whatever reason (why the fuck would you care?), he's already gone.
[end note]
this is by no means a comprehensive recounting.
&this most-recent removal was the third person (two men, one woman) that i've had removed from the store in the two years that i've jobbed there
&i also had an sbux manager removed at the boulder, co, sbux (the second sbux location) that i jobbed at (the first sbux i jobbed at was managed by a [white-man] manager who was perfect [from my POV, if for whatever reason, some woman tells me otherwise, i will believe her and change my opinion about him, because as unbelievable as it seems to be for some men, men are actually capable of treating each individual differently, like duh], in syracuse, ny)
as women, the only thing you need to REMEMBER is to open your mouth and start a paper trail, immediately.
the point is not to "win" some battle
the point is to chip away at the person (remember, men and women are equally sexist and misogynistic) who is the problem
you can start really small
&yes, it will feel really petty
&yes, you will feel bad about it, like you're doing something wrong cause you're "tattling" on someone
get over it
&REMEMBER
REMEMBER
REMEMBER
do not forget that this person is a misogynist
REMEMBER
you do not need to convince anyone with your first complaint
make the complaint
make it official
you can even admit that you're not sure how to read them
but this is how what they did/said made you FEEL
GET IT ON PAPER!
complain every time they do something that makes you uncomfortable
the rest will take care of itself
over time
chip, chip, chip away!
since i do not wish to give airtime to the assholes i've met
i am less enthused about writing more on the subject
however
if you have a specific question about how i really go about removing a toxic person
feel free to use the contact form in the left side-bar
if you need some help removing a misogynist
don't hesitate
i check email
all fucking day long
the fact that i had this experience about which this whole piece was written is also the reason why i actively encourage the young women i care about in my life to learn how to play POKER (texas hold'em, specifically) and to get good at it, because this is a Man's World in which we are currently trapped, and so, it is best to understand how "Men" think, which will only assist in navigating this World, as a Woman, in general.