there's
like
too much to write about
it's just
like
waaaay too fucking much
&so
i'm sorta opting for not-writing
cause i
quite honestly
cannot pick a topic
because
like
unless you've been living under a rock
then you know
that there's no time
no room
no space
to really do any sorta
deep
mental thought-work about anything that's going on
"in the world"
&c.
but
it's been a long time
really
since i've written
anything
but captions
&c.
&so
i'm writing
right now
this here thing
the other thing is that i've been training a new person
at my jobplace
how to do my job
even though
i am not leaving my position
a "third person"
has been needed for some time
cause like
i gotta
eventually
take a vacation
&so
the bodybuddy/lifemate&i decided that we will
indeed
go on "vacation"
&so
we've been both
preparing our condo
through an enormous rearrange
that we accomplished two weekends ago
&preparing my jobplace
through the training of a new "third person"
who will
in the end
do a sorta two-department job
which will make her available to cover my job
along with my "second person"
when i am not available
or in a short-notice coverage sorta way
&c.
&so
it's tiresome to train new jobbers
*sigh*
thus
we
the bodybuddy/lifemate&i
are heading toward a mid-september vacation!
[our first vacation since we started these jobs in may 2023
&our first missed shifts since we got sick in july 2023]
also
all the kiddos i'm fortunate enough to know
are keeping me busy
with their awesomeness
*weeps*
there really hasn't seemed to be much to share
intellectually
like i said
cause every time i think
"oh, i'll give this societal issue on Empire some thought and post a post"
some other societal issue on Empire comes up
&so
what's the point of giving anything any deeper thought?
*weeps*
not to mention my recent acceptance about my own contributions to my own irrelevance
in the dawning shadow of gAI
not to mention the existential crisis of democracy as we know it
not to mention the existential crisis of humanity as we know it
not to mention the existential crisis of reality as we know it
not to mention the fact that i
literally
have not bought new jeans in
like
ten years
nor do i ever plan on buying new jeans ever again
*iroll*
for the better part of a year
i'd been waking up feeling dreadful
&then
recently
we switched up my birth control
(cause i was feeling abnormally low, struggle-level low, and i had a hunch that i was on a concoction known to cause this in me, etc.)
rearranged our condo
(set it up, really, for the first time, cause like, when we moved in, it was such a whirlwind of starting my new management-level job [one i never wanted or even ever asked for, btw], blacking out one set of the two sets of glass doors [we are night-jobbers], and acquiring furniture, all on a wage-laborer's budget, and so, in short, our condo was a clusterfuck)
&i got a new person at my jobplace who i am to train to help out in my department
*sigh*
about two &ahalf weeks into these changes
&i find myself lamenting to the bb/lm that
"now i have no idea what is helping with my mood, cause like, everything changed all at once, ugh"
about a week before all of this
i had a teeth-falling-out dream
for the first time
ever.
i am obviously aware of these types of dreams
but i
myself
had yet to have one
also
we pretty much nailed down why i applied to law school
it was never about attending law school
&i had figured this bit out way back in january
but i was too far along in the process
so i applied anyway
&was rejected
lol
never
the
less
the applying part
for reasons now known to us
was the thing i was supposed to do
nothing more
with regards to "law school"
because
it was this move that i made
this other angle that i opened up for us
that allowed us to see what we needed to see
to now adjust/tweak/maneuver
&position ourselves
more accurately/astutely/advantageously
toward The Pursuit
in short
we've always known what we've wanted
from our life
&now
we know that we've taken steps in the right direction to get there
&better still
we're going to make it
*weeps*