I realized not too long ago that my financial wish is, essentially, to be paid for my opinion, which I know sounds so utterly “Millennial” to anyone over, what?, forty five? Anywho … it’s the Truth, and then the bodybuddy/lifemate essentially said that I could start charging people I know for my opinion. For instance, if someone at work were to ask me something that was, essentially, phishing for my opinion, I’d maybe say something like, “It sounds like you want my opinion,” to which one imagines they will affirm or deny by saying, “Ha, yea,” or “Uh, no, nah, bra.” If they answer in the affirmative, I’d then say, “Well, I’m $100/hour (with regards to my opinion).”
[In the road up ahead, you see an orange, diamond-shaped, reflective, construction warning sign, warning “DETOUR AHEAD”]
A few months ago, I worked a different job for the same corporation, but I left the former job because I couldn’t stand my new coworker. The reason why I could not stand him was because he was a poser, and the type of person he was posing as is the type of person that I am, an entrepreneur. Nevertheless, one day, he was attempting to “test” (as if someone stupider than me could be successful at such a feat) me by asking some questions about our business, and whatnot. A lame fucking attempt. Anyway, I don’t remember what he asked specifically, at this point in time, but it was some snotty remark about how the business must be struggling if I still work where I work (he’s now since quit after realizing just how much of a weak-ass beta he truly is), even though I work a forced three days a week because we (the bodybuddy/lifemate slash Director of Details/Co-Founder/Co-Owner of our business tkscm, limited) would really only like to work two days/week (weekends), but we can’t because the company has a 20+ hours/week policy. I responded by telling him the Truth, "One of my financial goals is to make $100/hour, every hour of the day, every day of the week, every week of the month, every year of my life before I quit the security of wage labor,” to which he laughed a little scoffing laugh and said, “Wow, that’s great. This job means that you’re almost making that right now,” to which I responded, “Sorry, what?” Then this idiot looks at me like I’m the idiot, and condescendingly explains that, “You almost make a hundred dollars a day, here, don’t you?” And then, I had to just stop what I was doing to look into this fucking idiot’s head before I said, “No. I don’t make anywhere near one hundred dollars per HOUR here at this lame as fucking hourly-wage job.” Then he turned red and tried to brush off his mistake by saying, “Oh, I thought you said a hundred dollars a day,” to which I responded, “Obviously.”
[The gravel, after a bump over some roughed up asphalt, returns to the smoothed out, paved road upon which you were driving only moments before]
But then, I thought of something better! And so, I'd like to introduce my new product:
"Want My Opinion? or, I’ll Spank Your Ego’s Tiny Naked Ass For The Low-Low Fee of Tiered Pricing!"
As you know, from the above Detour, I am actually, $100/hour, but since hours break down into minutes and minutes into seconds, everyone should be able to afford a slice of my time, and the younger you are, the more affordable I am because, let’s be real, young people are poor (and don’t come at me with your individual examples; it’ll be a waste of any troll’s time). And so, I present …
Want My Opinion? or, I'll Spank Your Ego’s Tiny Naked Ass For The Low-Low Fee of Tiered Pricing!
Age Range: Cost Per Opinion*: Discounts:
Under 18 NA NA
18-22 $20 10%
23-28 $30 5%
29-32 $40 -
33-37 $50 -
38-40 $60 -
41-48 $70 -
49-56 $80 -
57-65 $90 -
66+ $100 -
*Opinions will vary in length, but the price purchases you about an hour of my thought. I am, however, willing to spend more or less time on an Opinion; for example, a 23-28 year-old could theoretically purchase a two-opinion Opinion (I’ll spend two hours on one Opinion) or half-an-opinion Opinion (I’d spend thirty minutes on one Opinion), which would cost $57.00 ($30x2 minus the 5% Discount) or $14.25 ($30/2 minus the 5% Discount), respectively. All prices are available in any mathematical increment desired by the client ;)
And since I know that making a decision on absolutely no information can be difficult, the following is an example of a real-life Opinion that was given to someone who may or may not have paid for it (because if he did pay, then I’d be ethically bound not to speak of such things, and if he didn’t pay, then that means that he was not a “client,” which means that he would not be an “example” per se, but since the Truth cannot be known without violating the privacy of someone who may or may not want his privacy violated, this is all I can say on the matter), nevertheless, an Example Opinion:
A male who fell within the 29-32 age range—someone who views himself as an entrepreneur—wanted a one-opinion Opinion about his level of professionalism when considering both his email address and the emails themselves. Here is my response:
re: Your Email Address
Under normal circumstances, I would not have returned an email that I received from someone with an email address like yours. It is only because I know you from [Redacted] that I haven't completely dismissed you professionally.
What your email address says to me is two fold:
A) At [Redacted], I personally witnessed you as you attempted to sell yourself as someone who knows stuff, but what your email communicates to me is that you do not know how to develop or maintain a personal (much less professional) website as you are using a generic email service … namely, Hotmail. Hotmail is the email service my 70-something mother uses. I have honestly not even seen a new Hotmail address in about ten years. And developing/maintaining one's professional web presence is … a very basic skill.
B) Since you've also included your birth year in your email address, my assumptions automatically assume that you have little to no awareness of your online privacy, or you simply do not care about your privacy on the internet. In my view, both intentions are problematic.
re: Your Email
When I send and receive professional emails, I have a few rules that I like to follow:
A) Address the person to whom you are emailing, and use the name they referred to themselves by in their email to you or if you are sending a new email to someone, address them by their full name or title if you do not know what to call them.
B) Use please and thank you
C) Sign your name
D) Use a desktop or laptop for email communication
Since you replied to my email so quickly (and I saw the little “Sent from my [Redacted],” I knew that you had sent it from your phone, which also communicates to me that perhaps you do not have any digital communications boundaries set up for yourself.
If you'd like my complete philosophy on how to use the various forms of digital communication, I will gladly share it with you.
Again, I am not saying you are or are doing any of these things. This is merely how I am perceiving your online actions. Again, none of this is a judgment, this is my mere perception. There's nothing "right' or "wrong" about the way that you use email, and I am not suggesting that you change the way that you are. I am simply sharing with you the way that I and others like me may see you when you interact with me and others like me online.
[END Example Opinion]
Would you pay (more like, can you afford, ha!) $40.00 to receive some feedback like this?
If you are interested in my product(s), feel free to be Curious through the form in the menu bar. This is all very trivial. In essence, this is a joke, but a serious joke, nonetheless. Do with it what you will.
In the meantime, if you’re in need of a writer, want to be a writer, or think that maybe you need a writer, you can see all of my other writing-related products on “sun김선sailor's Writer/Project Rate Sheet,” and for more of what I do, entrepreneurial-ly, visit tkscm, limited (dotcom).